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First date trick by cheap guy....


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Old 26th June 2005, 8:28 PM   #1
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First date trick by cheap guy....

My very best friend just went out on a date with this guy she met at a party. She wants to go out with him a second time. Thats all fine and good but this comes after she already told me the first one with him was the worst date shes ever been on in her life. So Im trying to get her to understand that she shouldnt give this schmuck a second date. Listen to what Cassanova did.........She goes out with him after HE asks HER out at a party. They go to the movies and then to dinner. The whole night, they feel this awkward, painful, uncomfortable feeling. Nothing to talk about. They still go eat though. So at the end of this painful meal, this prick picks up the bill after letting it sit there for almost 25 minutes after the waiter put it down, and says "So,.......how do you want to do this?.......Split it 50/50??"

So to recap,.....this guy goes out with her and at some point during the date, he realizes hes just not into her at all, which is perfectly fine,...people go out all the time,....doesnt always work out., but,....this loser decides that hes going to try and UNLOAD himself from the date AND attempt to save some money at the same time. He actually tried to say he never thought that this was a "date". I couldnt believe it when I heard that or when I heard that shes going out with him AGAIN !!!! Holy crap. Shes mad at me for telling her this. Am I right ? Or is SHE right in being mad at me?

Boys,............when you ask us out,......its a date. You're in it for the long haul. You dont get to decide halfway through it,...if you are paying or not. That is the most no-class, lowest, cheapest thing you can do. But,...if the shoe fits........................um.....well,...in HIS case he'd only buy the one shoe, I guess....

Last edited by scarlyjones; 26th June 2005 at 8:32 PM..
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Old 26th June 2005, 8:33 PM   #2
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YOU are absolutely right. But like so many others, your friend seems to gravitate to men who treat her like crap. (Men often love women who do the same). There's nothing you can say to your friend that will make her realize she's in for some hurt. Don't even discuss it with her anymore...she doesn't want to hear anything she doesn't want to hear. Just stay out of it and be there for her when her heart gets smashed. She'll more than likely enjoy this guy screwing with her head and her heart for a while until she gets hit aside her head and realizes what's going on.

Meanwhile, it looks like the worse he treats her, the longer she'll want to go out with him. If he had been very kind, picked up the check, etc., etc., it's doubtful her level of interest would be so high.

What's her dating history? Does she ever go for nice guys?
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Old 26th June 2005, 8:42 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tony


What's her dating history? Does she ever go for nice guys?

Shes been out with 6 different guys in the last year alone. All except THIS one,..she has said "He maybe THE ONE" ..........Im always like "Yeah,...whatever"
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Old 26th June 2005, 8:44 PM   #4
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I think it has alot to do with desperation. She thinks she NEEDS a relationship. So she goes out with every tom, dick, and harry that asks. Then LATCHES on.
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Old 26th June 2005, 9:30 PM   #5
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You are absolutely right Scarly........this guy was a jerk and she shouldn't even think of going out with him again. You've given her your opinion which as a friend, you were right to do. She's still going to do what she wants. It's amazing guys like that get dates at all.

I'd love to hear what you would say to a date if the check came and he wanted to split it.
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Old 26th June 2005, 10:07 PM   #6
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I'd say "Oh theres a SPLIT about to take place here,.................."
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Old 26th June 2005, 10:17 PM   #7
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If she's so desperate she'd got out with a butthole, then her self esteem has got to be ZERO. As long as she thinks so little of herself, this is the kind of guy she will attract. Yes, there are those who grab onto the first thing that comes down the pike and that's tragic. But when a person truly believes deep down that they don't deserve good things in their life, they aren't going to listen to anything to the contrary so there's not much you can do.

It's a very sad thing but your friend may be condemned to a life of getting a lot less than she deserves simply because somewhere along the line she developed a very low opinion of herself. Most often this comes from parents and happens at an early age.

Her behavior in declaring that every guy she starts dating "is the one" is self-defeating. Guys pick up on that and run the other way. Most men are highly suspicious of women who fall instantly for them. Love has to evolve over time.

Stay out of this. Your friend has her own lessons to learn...maybe she will, maybe she won't. Just don't buy into her stuff, keep your own head on straight, and stay on the sidelines. I hope you have somebody nice for yourself and, if not, I hope that happens for you.
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Old 26th June 2005, 10:19 PM   #8
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Originally posted by Tony
If she's so desperate she'd got out with a butthole, then her self esteem has got to be ZERO. As long as she thinks so little of herself, this is the kind of guy she will attract. Yes, there are those who grab onto the first thing that comes down the pike and that's tragic. But when a person truly believes deep down that they don't deserve good things in their life, they aren't going to listen to anything to the contrary so there's not much you can do.

It's a very sad thing but your friend may be condemned to a life of getting a lot less than she deserves simply because somewhere along the line she developed a very low opinion of herself. Most often this comes from parents and happens at an early age.

Her behavior in declaring that every guy she starts dating "is the one" is self-defeating. Guys pick up on that and run the other way. Most men are highly suspicious of women who fall instantly for them. Love has to evolve over time.

Stay out of this. Your friend has her own lessons to learn...maybe she will, maybe she won't. Just don't buy into her stuff, keep your own head on straight, and stay on the sidelines. I hope you have somebody nice for yourself and, if not, I hope that happens for you.
Thanks!! Gotta SPLIT !!
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Old 26th June 2005, 10:25 PM   #9
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Wink Common for divorced guys...

When I started dating again after my divorce, I discovered this is common behavior for 40+ divorced guys. They've been burned, their salaries have been garnished for spousal support, and they're very wary of offering to pay for *anything* for a woman. It's a huge turn off, of course, but I try to be understanding. If it's just coffee or something, he should *certainly* pick up the check if he did the asking. If it's a fancy meal, I'll offer to contribute, and if he accepts graciously but still pays more than half, I feel okay about that.

Some of the best relationships I've had were an easy give and take, no one keeping score, just contributing what they could in whatever way they could. He buys the tickets, I buy the drinks, he fills the tank with gas and I'll pack the picnic. Stuff like that. But then, I'm older and closer to an equal in career and experience with guys in my age group, so dating is a bit more casual and friendly for me *now* than it used to be when I was younger.
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Old 27th June 2005, 10:04 AM   #10
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I disagree. I don't think it should be a social default that he pays -- if he decides to, that's fine, but she should assume she's going to pony up.
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Old 27th June 2005, 10:15 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cecelius
I disagree. I don't think it should be a social default that he pays -- if he decides to, that's fine, but she should assume she's going to pony up.
I agree.

In practice and personally, I will always pay in such situations. But I do not accept the general principle that the man should always pay. Not all men are richer than the girls they date. And this is the 21st century.

But Tony's point about some people having a pattern of dating abusers is sadly true.
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Old 27th June 2005, 10:23 AM   #12
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take off

it could have been worse...he could have just split and left her with the entire bill AND no ride.
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Old 27th June 2005, 10:56 AM   #13
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Re: First date trick by cheap guy....

Quote:
Originally posted by scarlyjones
Boys,............when you ask us out,......its a date. You're in it for the long haul. You dont get to decide halfway through it,...if you are paying or not. That is the most no-class, lowest, cheapest thing you can do. But,...if the shoe fits........................um.....well,...in HIS case he'd only buy the one shoe, I guess....

I agree, HOWEVER: there is a double standard here. A guy will pay for the girls meal because he asked her out and she agreed. But, with that the girl has the responsibility to see the date through. I have seen instances where the girl will get on the phone with someone halfway through the date, to show the guy that she is not interested. Or she will start flirting with other guys on the date as a way to show disinterest. This is also the most "no class, lowest, cheapest" thing a girl can do. When a date goes bad, it goes bad. Are there any details left out by your friend? Was she perhaps sending some pretty extreme signals like those above to the guy that turned him off on the date?
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Old 27th June 2005, 11:34 AM   #14
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Re: take off

Quote:
Originally posted by UltimateZen
When a date goes bad, it goes bad.
She paid for her own food, for crying out loud. It's an outrage... send in the bl**dy marines as part of the war on terror...


Quote:
Originally posted by alphamale
it could have been worse...he could have just split and left her with the entire bill AND no ride.
Exactly.
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Old 27th June 2005, 2:25 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cecelius
I disagree. I don't think it should be a social default that he pays -- if he decides to, that's fine, but she should assume she's going to pony up.

And thats why you are sitting at home alone on your computer right now.....
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