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Should I even be worried?


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zac.edwards

My girlfriend and I have been doing really well lately. We've been dating for a few years already, but she has this one ex that seems like he can't get over her and they dated for a little less than a year. We have a really loving and personal relationship and we were planning to move in together in the near future, so I was confident about our relationship until recently I started to question it. She's been pretty busy with school lately which I understand because she's taking pretty hard classes and she lives with her parents and they expect her to help around the house which I completely understand. We're able to talk a few hours a day when she can. Sometimes I'd start to worry or overthink but I didn't mention this to her until a few weeks after because I thought nothing of it. She told me she was just busy and was grateful I was trying to keep our relationship going even though she wasn't there and that she was trying her best. It took alot of the anxiety away and made me feel better. But recently I stumbled across her ex's twitter account where he was constantly tweeting about the same anxiety I was going through about my girlfriend being busy, saying things about wanting reassurance, being real, etc. It made me feel kind of iffy because I know he isn't over her, but again I tried to ignore it until the anxiety got really bad. I told my girlfriend about it and she told me again; she tries her best to talk to me when she can, shes really busy with school and she can barely maintain our relationship let alone another one. I knew she was getting tired of me constantly worrying and I felt bad because I was adding onto the stress she already has. So I let it go. Today, he changed his twitter cover photo to a picture of him and someone kissing his cheek, it only showed the girl's nose and lips. It looked a lot like my girlfriend, so that really made me suspicious so I sent the picture to my girlfriend and asked her about it. Im waiting for her reply now. I just really don't know if I should be worrying, because the picture is obviously a red flag but everything I'm worried about is because of what her ex is posting on social media and my reasons for being insecure seem pretty ridiculous. My girlfriend hasn't done anything and we aren't in a bad place in our relationship so she would have no reason to cheat. The only thing is that she's busy most of the week because of school and such. I just hate having this constant anxiety and worrying all the time. She reassures me when I worry and still tells me she loves me everyday even if we don't get to talk much. But with our lack of being able to talk much and being together along with seeing the things her ex posts and the anxiety I'm feeling, I'm starting to feel like its overpowering the confidence I have in our relationship. I started to feel better and thought I was being unreasonable and overprotective until I saw the picture and it all came back. Her and her ex were together for a decent amount of time and I know he really mistreated her in the end so she ended it. I'm starting to think i should see a therapist or something because the anxiety is getting overwhelming and I'm afraid it'll really take a toll on our relationship.

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I will try to be as sensitive as possible.....you need to get a grip. Your poor GF is working her butt off, trying to balance school, chores, homework and you...you need to give her a break. In order to deal with this, stop stalking her ex...I mean completely. Get a hobby, hangout with friends, do charity work SOMETHING to fill in your time.

If you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to lose her. Right now you are stressing the crap out of her, like she needs to deal with your questioning her. If it were me I would be very hurt and not entertain the idea of defending myself. I hope she never responds to your text because you are being silly.

 

Once you find things to occupy your mind, and stop stalking her ex....you will feel 100% better and so will your GF. If that doesn't work, then yes you need some professional help if you can't keep your anxiety under control.

 

Here's an exercise you can try....everytime you want to check on her ex, or have thoughts of anxiety, take long breaths and count to 10....go do something like go for a walk, play video games, listen to some music, write your thought down in a journal.

Edited by smackie9
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ExpatInItaly

Welp, if you're trying to sabotage your own relationship you might have just accomplished your mission, OP.

 

You obviously don't trust your girlfriend. You also evidently think very poorly of her, if you honestly believe she's capable of what you're implying.

 

I'd suggest that you dump her rather than continue to date someone you believe is a liar and a cheat but, well, you might just find she beats you to the punch.

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OP should calm down and trust his GF for sure. But reading someone's public social media posts is not stalking. I am not stalking the President if I read about him on a news site. Spending too much time worrying about the ex might be unhealthy, just like spending too much time worrying about any other person not in one's life (like the President) might be unhealthy. But not stalking, please!

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The twitter pic.. .

 

I know if it was me, I'd recognize a pic of my wife's (or any of my exes) nose and mouth in a pic like that.

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zac.edwards
The twitter pic.. .

 

I know if it was me, I'd recognize a pic of my wife's (or any of my exes) nose and mouth in a pic like that.

exactly and that's why i did, i talked to her about it and she did say it was her but it was an old picture from when they were together. she asked to have it removed and he did, but is now using a different picture. I just don't understand why he keeps doing this and I do understand that it's social media and all I have to do is ignore it, but its definitely upsetting and uncomfortable that an ex has a picture of them up when she's well into another relationship and won't remove it.

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Cullenbohannon

If there was some Barney posting love notes about my gf, I would be monitoring his ask too. You can call me insecure, but you will not call me a idiot. You need to have a conversation with Mr X as to why he is posting love notes and pictures of your girl.

Edited by Cullenbohannon
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Cheaters lie, and for a while are able to get away with it, not really because they are good at it but because the cheated wants to believe them.

 

Red flags are red flags, don't allow anyone to make you feel crazy because you see red flags. If the timing of your GF pulling away lines up with the ex doing this things then it's most likely she is communicating with him and giving him hope.

 

Question, is she getting upset that he is doing this stuff or because you are asking her about it?

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zac.edwards
Cheaters lie, and for a while are able to get away with it, not really because they are good at it but because the cheated wants to believe them.

 

Red flags are red flags, don't allow anyone to make you feel crazy because you see red flags. If the timing of your GF pulling away lines up with the ex doing this things then it's most likely she is communicating with him and giving him hope.

 

Question, is she getting upset that he is doing this stuff or because you are asking her about it?

I guess at the time she was upset because I kept asking her about it. She told me she had reassured me many times already and if I don't trust her we shouldn't be together (which is true). Today when I showed her what he was doing (the pictures) she got upset and asked him to take it down immediately. She's been kind of distant and in a bad mood all day. At this point I'm not really sure what to believe or think. On one hand she actually is busy with school, homework chores etc, and does take time to talk to me for an hour or two everyday, but the whole ex situation is throwing me off.

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OP should calm down and trust his GF for sure. But reading someone's public social media posts is not stalking. I am not stalking the President if I read about him on a news site. Spending too much time worrying about the ex might be unhealthy, just like spending too much time worrying about any other person not in one's life (like the President) might be unhealthy. But not stalking, please!

 

exactly and that's why i did, i talked to her about it and she did say it was her but it was an old picture from when they were together. she asked to have it removed and he did, but is now using a different picture. I just don't understand why he keeps doing this and I do understand that it's social media and all I have to do is ignore it, but its definitely upsetting and uncomfortable that an ex has a picture of them up when she's well into another relationship and won't remove it.

 

It is stalking.

 

Following what the president does is not stalking when you follow

what is going on because you are interested how he is performing

his duties and how it will affect the country.

 

Becoming an intern to get close to the president to give him a BJ is

stalking.

 

The OP has no reason to be checking the ex BF's social media. Just

because it is there and there is public access does not mean he has

to look at it.

 

Same way that I have access to the state park does not mean I have

to enter it and spend a day at the beach.

 

This ex BF just wants to antagonize the OP enough so that the OP

antagonizes the GF enough so that the GF says enough and dumps

the OP.

 

So you want to lose your GF keep stalking her ex BF's social media

and go crying to her every time about nonsense and she will then

dump you.

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Stalking dude on social media is kinda irrelevant in terms of the red flags. It's really no different than him investigating his girlfriend, her behavior has changed which caused him to become suspicious.

 

I'm concerned that she seems to be getting upset with OP but not the ex...the picture thing is suspect. The totality of the evidence is worth being concerned. Me personally, I would just dump her, but that comes from experience that OP likely doesn't have.

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zac.edwards

That was one of my concerns too. We talked it out last night and she told me that she wasn't upset at me for asking, but was hurt because she felt like I didn't trust her. She also clarified that she was of course angry about her ex and the picture and that she wasn't able to really talk to me in depth about it all day because she was in school. It definitely caused a strain in our relationship today but hopefully it'll be better from now on as we try to heal. I don't think any of it was her fault, she was caught in the middle of it so hopefully this ex ****s off and we can get back to our normal lives.

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zac.edwards

I don't see how getting close to an intern to give the President a BJ has anything to do with this. It's an entirely different situation. The dude was putting up pictures of my girl when she is in a serious relationship with me and that was not okay with me. To clarify, I wasn't running and complaining to her for every little thing that worried me because I knew I was overthinking. I brought it up when I had a legitimate reason to be concerned. Say what you want, but it is NOT stalking. I saw something that was raised red flags for me and if anyone else had gone through the same thing they'd agree with me. If your SO's ex put up a picture of them after they were long done, would you really just ignore it and go on with your day? Or would you be concerned and keep tabs in case something sketchy was going on. Call me insecure for seeing it and being worried, but in my opinion him putting those pictures up was super disrespectful to me so I did something about it.

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ItsJustMyOpinion
I don't see how getting close to an intern to give the President a BJ has anything to do with this. It's an entirely different situation. The dude was putting up pictures of my girl when she is in a serious relationship with me and that was not okay with me. To clarify, I wasn't running and complaining to her for every little thing that worried me because I knew I was overthinking. I brought it up when I had a legitimate reason to be concerned. Say what you want, but it is NOT stalking. I saw something that was raised red flags for me and if anyone else had gone through the same thing they'd agree with me. If your SO's ex put up a picture of them after they were long done, would you really just ignore it and go on with your day? Or would you be concerned and keep tabs in case something sketchy was going on. Call me insecure for seeing it and being worried, but in my opinion him putting those pictures up was super disrespectful to me so I did something about it.

 

Worst case scenario: they are hooking up behind your back.

Best case scenario: She's completely over him and he's pining after her so he does immature things like put up old pictures of her kissing him.

 

You can sit and worry about what's going on, which isn't going to get you anywhere, or you can choose to trust in the relationship she wants with you. You also have the choice of simply breaking it off with her if you feel she isn't over her ex yet.

 

Plenty of fish in the sea.

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