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I feel awful


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 19th February 2018, 1:45 AM   #1
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I feel awful

I have been dating a guy for two months now. We aren't exclusive as we both have come out of serious relationships in the past 6 months and agreed to keep things casual for now, however I am pretty confident he is not talking to anyone else and the same goes for me. We spend about 90% of nights together and spend a lot of time together, he has met my friends and I have met his family. The only time I don't stay with him is when I finish work late and then have an early shift the following day.

This week we got into a bit of an argument, he agreed to attend my friends birthday dinner on the Friday night. Thursday night he got very drunk after work with his work friends and then I did not hear from him until about 6pm on Friday when I messaged him and asked if he was still coming. He apologized and said he couldn't because he just worked 10 hours hungover with no sleep. He works a physically demanding labour job so I guess I understood why he was exhausted but I was still annoyed, I let it go anyway.

Saturday night I had another friends birthday which he did come to with me, went out clubbing in the city. Majority of the night was good fun, then he just disappeared, my friends said he just walked off down the road. I tried to call him and it went to voicemail. His phone battery is very temperamental so it's not uncommon for it to be off/dead. I was so annoyed and then we moved onto another club and I couldn't enjoy myself after that so I paid $70 cab fare to get home so I could sleep in my own bed.

I have a spare key for the front door hidden out the front but my roomie had bolted the front door from the inside even though I told him not to. The roomie was still in the city and was not coming home that night. So I broke down crying at my front door because it was 2am and I paid a hefty taxi fare and I was locked out of my own house. I called my mom who lives down the road but she said she was away for the weekend so there was nothing she could do. I contemplated sleeping outside the front door and then I contemplated getting a taxi to his house but I had no idea if he would even be there and didn't want to waste money to get there. Didn't really have anyone else to call that wasn't out for this birthday or that lived close by.

As a last resort I called my ex boyfriend in tears saying I was locked out, he lives about 5 minutes away so he said he would come get me. I stayed at his house, passed out asleep in his bed and that was it. I woke up to 10 missed calls from the guy I was seeing saying he was at my house and apologising, said he went to get some food and then came back and couldn't find us and that his phone was dead. I told him the full story about where I stayed and apologized for being disrespectful. He told me it was ok and he was just glad that I was safe.

I still feel really bad about it though, I would be furious if the roles were reversed in this situation.
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Old 19th February 2018, 2:54 AM   #2
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The guy you're dating doesn't care and neither should you. You're not exclusive, and you needed a place to stay.
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:17 AM   #3
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I'm assuming nothing happened at your ex's place. From everything you've said here you've done almost nothing wrong - you did what you had to in an extremely ****ty situation. (although who bolts a door shut on the way out so no-one can get back in?)

If I were you I'd actually be upset at your new guy - who walks off from their mates on a night out without telling people where they're going? And knowing their phone is busted? I feel something isn't quite right there.
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Old 19th February 2018, 6:08 AM   #4
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I'm assuming nothing happened at your ex's place. From everything you've said here you've done almost nothing wrong - you did what you had to in an extremely ****ty situation. (although who bolts a door shut on the way out so no-one can get back in?)

If I were you I'd actually be upset at your new guy - who walks off from their mates on a night out without telling people where they're going? And knowing their phone is busted? I feel something isn't quite right there.
We usually bolt the front door shut as we live in a crappy area prone to crime. We both normally park in the garage and go through to the house that way however I didn't have my car or the remote to get in. I did tell him not to bolt the door shut just incase I needed to come home for whatever reason.

Yeah I wasn't happy with him about that but I have wandered off when I have been drunk before.
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Old 19th February 2018, 9:42 AM   #5
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Drunks make stupid decisions. You had enough sense to not drink & drive, to get yourself shelter & not have drunk sex with your EX so on balance not too bad.

My suggestions: ask your mom for an emergency key to her place & offer her one to your house. Install an external key pad on the garage door so you can get in with a code.
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Old 19th February 2018, 11:50 AM   #6
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I don't see any reason that you should feel awful. You were left to fend for yourself because the guy you're seeing got drunk and abandoned you.

He should be the one apologizing for being disrespectful and not being able to drink responsibly.
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Old 19th February 2018, 11:52 AM   #7
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Hah I wouldn't feel guilty at all. There was so many circumstances beyond your control, you had to do what you had to do. It was just one of those nights that will probably never happen again. Even tho it was a little traumatic...down the road you will be laughing about it as you tell your story.

Op it's all good. Toss it aside and go forward. S&*^ happens because life happens. We live we grow we move on.

I agree, if this ever happens again, have a backup plan or two.
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Old 19th February 2018, 2:02 PM   #8
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There's nothing to feel bad about. It's much better than you being locked out and sleeping onyour doorstep.
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:41 PM   #9
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Probably a good idea to stay away from alcohol. If you live in as bad an area as you claim, why would have even contemplated sleeping outside? I live on the South Side of Chicago. Had you been in my neighborhood in that condition hanging in front of your door at 2 am, you'd be famous...on the 6 pm News with word you were found in a trash bag in a Cook County Forest Preserve in about 4 pieces. Don't think that can't happen to you. I never expected to walk out on my porch in 1986 thinking I was hearing firecrackers only to wake up in the hospital a day later missing a kidney and part of my bladder, Courtesy of a Gang Initiation.

Good Lord, kid...

I'm perfectly understanding of how you ended up like that...but in the future, please be careful. You cannot control anyone else's actions. You can only control yourself.

Never mind the guy you are dating....just thank your lucky stars someone(even an Ex) helped you out.
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Old 19th February 2018, 4:50 PM   #10
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Its good you were honest with him about what happened and where you stayed, that's a really good trait, as for apologising for where you stayed there shouldn't be any issues as you and this guy are not official although it is a little troubling that he was not upset that you stayed at an ex house if he was into you as something more. Or maybe he is just keeping these feelings to himself and acting like it was ok.
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Old 19th February 2018, 8:50 PM   #11
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... although it is a little troubling that he was not upset that you stayed at an ex house if he was into you as something more. Or maybe he is just keeping these feelings to himself and acting like it was ok.
Are you kidding me?? He abandoned her at the party because he got drunk and left her to fend for herself. He should be grateful to her ex for caring enough about her welfare to offer her a place to crash.
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Old 19th February 2018, 11:50 PM   #12
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Are you kidding me?? He abandoned her at the party because he got drunk and left her to fend for herself. He should be grateful to her ex for caring enough about her welfare to offer her a place to crash.
Um where in the world did you get this?????

To be honest like she said, he went for food. Granted he should have told her where he was going. She is the one that left knowing his phone was acting up. So really sh Abandoned him. From what it sounds like, he searched for her all night.
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Old 19th February 2018, 11:54 PM   #13
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GL, glad you made it through that experience safely. Good to see your ex was there to help when needed.

Make sure your BF gets his phone fixed so there isnít a repeat.

Best of luck.
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Old 20th February 2018, 2:47 AM   #14
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Still puzzled by how one bolts a door from inside, how did the roommate exit the flat? If there's a backdoor.. maybe now it's time to get those keys
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Old 22nd February 2018, 2:16 AM   #15
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Is it me ??.
Some things just don't sound in tune..
First, you weren't drunk enough to do all the things you did, even remembering your ex boyfriends phone number.
So he (ex) picked you up, and you end up "NOT" on the couch, NOT on the spare bed, but in HIS bed.
Further, you passed out ?, when ?, was your cloths on ?, off ?.


Sorry, maybe some of the others here, are genuine heart warming people.
Me, and my lizard side of the brain, says, "It aint kosher".
Its Denmark all the way here.. Wake up and smell the Cheese..


You make no mention of talking, or anything. Just passed out, and "Hello morning"..


You may well have all the right answers. I'm just saying, I agree with you, that I would also be pissed off if my partner had a night end up like yours.


Ted.
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