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Found a postcard to his ex.


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 5th January 2018, 11:02 AM   #1
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Found a postcard to his ex.

Iíve been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years. His family always goes out of town for the holidays. This year I went with them. We did Paris.
I had a great time with his family. Theyíre very nice ppl.

He bought a bunch of post cards to send to his friends. When we returned home I noticed he had not sent ANY of them out. I didnít ask him about it. While he was at work one day, i went inside of one of empty suitcases. I noticed he had one of the post cards ready to mail. It was hidden. Iím sure he thought Iíd never look there. It was addressed to his ex. The envelope wasnít sealed yet. I opened it and there was a post card from Paris! And it had a note written on it. The note said ďI know Iíve done some childish things but all in all, I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!. I bought these post cards and well, I really didnít have anyone to send them to. I thought of you and thought maybe youíd appreciate it. Iíve changed a lot and I hope that it shows. If you ever want to call me or anything youíre welcome to (:Ē

I confront him about this and he got upset and defensive. He told me I had no business snooping through this things. He said I am insecure and he called me ungrateful because his family paid for me to go to Paris. He said his ex is a good person and itís just friendly.
I told him what I didnít like. Which was the fact he wants to show her, HIS EX that heís changed! And also that he stated he didnít have anyone to send his postcards to when he has TONS of friends!

He sent the post card anyway! So I told him I didnít appreciate that and I told him he obviously cares NOTHING about what I think or feel. He says I should trust him more and he doesnít see the big deal. He said I insulted him by snooping.
I feel he has feelings for her! I donít care what he says. Did I overstep my boundaries? Was I wrong for snooping?
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Old 5th January 2018, 11:26 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylee92 View Post
Iíve been with my boyfriend a little over 2 years. His family always goes out of town for the holidays. This year I went with them. We did Paris.
I had a great time with his family. Theyíre very nice ppl.

He bought a bunch of post cards to send to his friends. When we returned home I noticed he had not sent ANY of them out. I didnít ask him about it. While he was at work one day, i went inside of one of empty suitcases. I noticed he had one of the post cards ready to mail. It was hidden. Iím sure he thought Iíd never look there. It was addressed to his ex. The envelope wasnít sealed yet. I opened it and there was a post card from Paris! And it had a note written on it. The note said ďI know Iíve done some childish things but all in all, I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!. I bought these post cards and well, I really didnít have anyone to send them to. I thought of you and thought maybe youíd appreciate it. Iíve changed a lot and I hope that it shows. If you ever want to call me or anything youíre welcome to (:Ē

I confront him about this and he got upset and defensive. He told me I had no business snooping through this things. He said I am insecure and he called me ungrateful because his family paid for me to go to Paris. He said his ex is a good person and itís just friendly.
I told him what I didnít like. Which was the fact he wants to show her, HIS EX that heís changed! And also that he stated he didnít have anyone to send his postcards to when he has TONS of friends!

He sent the post card anyway! So I told him I didnít appreciate that and I told him he obviously cares NOTHING about what I think or feel. He says I should trust him more and he doesnít see the big deal. He said I insulted him by snooping.
I feel he has feelings for her! I donít care what he says. Did I overstep my boundaries? Was I wrong for snooping?
I don't think you were snooping at all. What's done in the dark always comes to light. Clearly he was opening the door for me to take place.
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Old 5th January 2018, 11:47 AM   #3
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Yes he still has unsettled feelings for his ex.
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Old 5th January 2018, 1:30 PM   #4
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If you stay with this turd, be prepared for more of the same stink. But, why would you want to stay? He has shown you his true feelings. The postcard was hidden for a reason. He knows it is wrong and disrespectful to you. He doesn't care because he still has feelings for the ex. If she writes back to him saying she will take him back if he ever becomes unattached, you will find yourself out on the street after a seemingly tiny incident that he blows out of proportion, wondering what happened. If it were me, I would leave first, with my honor intact. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
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Old 5th January 2018, 1:42 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaylee92 View Post
I confront him about this and he got upset and defensive. He told me I had no business snooping through this things. He said I am insecure and he called me ungrateful because his family paid for me to go to Paris.

Which should have been followed up by you writing this.

I shot back " You have no business contacting exes when you have been in a committed relationship for 2 years with me. If you think I am ungrateful for Paris, you are insinuating I am a Gold Digger, which I think if you have been with me for 2 years, you would have already dumped me by now if you truly thought I really was one.

So since you haven't, I am assuming you are just talking out your ass. Since I am assuming this, feel free to send your ex all the postcards in the world, because you are newly single!"

He cried when I kicked his sketchy ass out.


We have an age old debate here at LS about "snooping" that won't be solved by your thread. Having been the victim of infidelity and am a pretty much Burn The Witches", I have firmly been in the "Trust your gut" camp for decades because I firmly believe that those who have nothing to hide hide nothing".

Obviously he did have something to hide, because he hid the postcard

I am sure the money and prestige of being his girlfriend is nice, but save your soul , sanity and your dignity by refusing to put up with this and let Richie Rich be some other poor girl's problem. You did NOTHING wrong.

Chin up..go find a guy that won't act like this..there really are plenty of them. I guarantee it.

Good Luck
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Old 5th January 2018, 4:39 PM   #6
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It can go both ways. He could still have feelings for the ex.

Also he could have been such a ********* towards her that the feelings of guilt about the way he treated her caused him to reach out. Some sort of apology you know.

Why were you going through his things to begin with?

Has he ever given you reason to suspect him of cheating?

By what you have said, you had no reason to go through his things to begin with.
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Old 5th January 2018, 4:43 PM   #7
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Yes you were snooping, especially if it was his house & his suitcase.


The idea that he was still reaching out to an EX 2 years later while in a relationship with me would send me packing. It'd be one thing if you bumped into her on the streets of Paris & he wished her a Marry Christmas but that note reads like a plea for her to take him back.
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Old 5th January 2018, 4:46 PM   #8
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You were wrong for snooping if you had no reason to do so.

You are the only one that can answer this. Did you think he was cheating on you before you went snooping or not.

If yes then ok you found what you wanted now leave and find someone you can trust

If no then you broke trust.

Honestly with out knowing what happened in the last relationship you have no clue what the post card means. The ex can be married by now and never wants to lay eyes on your bf ever again.

Anyway the trust is broke between the two of you now. Best of luck.
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Old 5th January 2018, 6:37 PM   #9
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Yes, you were being sneaky and snooping. Don’t women hate sneaky guys? If the situation was flipped and it was a guy it’s the same thing.

You should only do that to gather evidence IF you suspect that he is cheating on you. Then all is fair in love and war, but you’re out of line here. You should never have done that.

If I was the guy I would break up with you.

Last edited by Interstellar; 5th January 2018 at 6:45 PM..
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Old 5th January 2018, 11:31 PM   #10
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So what, she was snooping.
She obviously did it for a reason.
I wouldn't care a hoot what reason a women wants to snoop on me.
I have nothing to hide.
Further, to me anyway, it shows some issue in me that she feels a need to look at.
That's great. I'd rather some interest than none.
Further, a newish type relationship will bring out these feelings for some.
Is it wrong ?, for some, maybe, however, I don't see the snooping going on for ever.
At some point they will stop this. They will basically get more comfortable with you, and become familiar enough to understand who and what you are.
For me, its easy. I'm an idiot..


The more open you are to your partner, the less problems you have later in time.
But, create some mystique, and your asking for trouble when your partner feels something's going on..


If it not for snooping, there would be less divorce, and more cheating going on.
Snooping has its pro's and con's.




Ted.
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Old 6th January 2018, 10:55 AM   #11
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I went through his things because he bought postcards and didnít send any. I found that strange. I asked him about his post cards and he said he didnít send any yet. And I knew he did because he was adamant about buying them.

His ex is single. She isnít married and doesnít have a boyfriend. Dome if you may view it as snooping but I did find something. He doesnít mention her at all. When he did in the beginning he only said that when they dated she was way more in love with him when he was her.
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Old 6th January 2018, 11:13 AM   #12
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Kaylee92,
I am sorry that this has happened to you x

You didn't snoop per se but obviously your intuition was telling you something.

Something similar happened to a friend of mine who was helping his girlfriend move. His eye was drawn to a box of old letters. He says to this day he doesn't know why. He took one out and opened it and it was a pretty grahic letter from some guy she'd been seeing behind his back. There were loads of them. He took the box of letters to her car, put it in the boot and walked off. Despite her crying on the phone to him daily he never went back to her.

I think you know your next move and it also involves suitcases and boxes.........
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Old 7th January 2018, 12:59 AM   #13
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Maybe he feels insulted that you "snooped" and found his hidden note, but he doesn't have my sympathy.

If I were you, I'd feel insulted that he was on a Paris vacation with you thinking about his ex, then sent her a gushy note after you told him it made you uncomfortable.

If he didn't know you'd take issue with that, okay.. (side eye), but once you confronted him, he knew. You're his GF, important enough to vacation with the family, and your feelings should be considered.

It would also be a different story, sort of, if he had a big stack of postcards and notes written out and addressed to other friends and old buddies along the same lines.. but just that one to the ex.. No.

I'm suspicious about his intentions with her (and you!), and don't think any of this bodes well for your relationship. What happens next time? I don't think he deserves a next time.
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Old 7th January 2018, 6:19 AM   #14
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maybe Iīm being naive, but to me his postcard sounds like heīs feeling guilty more than anything else... did he do some terrible things to her?

does he keep in touch with other exes?
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Old 7th January 2018, 12:02 PM   #15
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If it was about guilt, then he would plainly state it with an apology...that was a "take me back I left the door open for you" note. And he did the classic deflection of blame without a doubt.

If it was me, I would have sent him packing without even saying anything about the card. I would have just left it out for him to find.
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