Jump to content

Is a Gut Feeling Ever Wrong?


Recommended Posts

Is a Gut Feeling Ever Wrong?

 

Long story short, I consider myself preaty damaged from a previous relationship of 5 years that really had me thinking I was the crazy one. Luckily I made it out alive. I was blindsided bad with the string of men during the entire relationship because I was completly blind and stupid.

 

So Im about 3 months into a new relationship that is drastically different...for the better. But a couple of things have happend during this time that has really given me a bad heart sinking gut feeling. I have no solid reason to suspect anything though and dont know what to do. I think its just all from my past relationship but cant be certain.

 

Anyone have any advice?

 

have really brought back a lot

Link to post
Share on other sites

But a couple of things have happend during this time that has really given me a bad heart sinking gut feeling

 

What "things" have happened?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

If your gut has traditionally been accurate, go with it. But when you know you are damaged, like now, only use the gut feeling as one piece of evidence, a reason to dig deeper perhaps but maybe not make the decision about that alone. If it's supported by objective evidence, go with it.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Is a Gut Feeling Ever Wrong?

 

Long story short, I consider myself preaty damaged from a previous relationship of 5 years that really had me thinking I was the crazy one. Luckily I made it out alive. I was blindsided bad with the string of men during the entire relationship because I was completly blind and stupid.

 

So Im about 3 months into a new relationship that is drastically different...for the better. But a couple of things have happend during this time that has really given me a bad heart sinking gut feeling. I have no solid reason to suspect anything though and dont know what to do. I think its just all from my past relationship but cant be certain.

 

Anyone have any advice?

 

have really brought back a lot

 

Is your 'gut feeling' ever wrong? Of course it is. No one has spidey senses that is accurate 100% of the time. When things fall apart in opposition to our own expectations, we'll all claim that the signs were not there or we were blind-sighted. People come to this forum b/c they have failed in a relationship or two or more. Where was the 'gut feeling' then? We learn to look out for things based on past experiences, but there's nothing magical or mystically intuitive about that. One of the things that often happens, is that we tend to read TOO MUCH into things at times. You have no evidence that your feelings are justified, but you seem to attribute that to your "gut feelings." The question now is whether your baseless unease is consistent with reality or not.

 

If you have concerns, communicate them and earnestly find out what is really happening.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Is your 'gut feeling' ever wrong? Of course it is. No one has spidey senses that is accurate 100% of the time. When things fall apart in opposition to our own expectations, we'll all claim that the signs were not there or we were blind-sighted. People come to this forum b/c they have failed in a relationship or two or more. Where was the 'gut feeling' then? We learn to look out for things based on past experiences, but there's nothing magical or mystically intuitive about that. One of the things that often happens, is that we tend to read TOO MUCH into things at times. You have no evidence that your feelings are justified, but you seem to attribute that to your "gut feelings." The question now is whether your baseless unease is consistent with reality or not.

 

I'm still trying to sort a lot of this out and just realized something else.... another way I could put it might be: "Am I ready to trust someone yet? Will I ever be able to fully trust someone again?" Right now the feelings absolutely suck. I DEFINITELY know that I read way too much into things...but again thats the result from the experiences that i've been through.

 

I think deep down inside I legitimately know that it's my own paranoia that's messing with me but I'm not sure what to do with it or how to handle it. I'm not sure I even want to bring something like this up especially if I'm way off base with it. :(

 

If you have concerns, communicate them and earnestly find out what is really happening.

 

I think this is probably one of the better suggestions that needs to happen. I absolutely SUCK when it comes to communication to begin with. I'm just not sure it's even appropriate to do so at this point.

 

But a couple of things have happened during this time that has really given me a bad heart sinking gut feeling

 

What "things" have happened?

 

I really hate to give the details publically at this point. Umm I'll try to come up with a few examples.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Gut feelings should be heeded, but should be checked out rationally, if possible. If rational examination doesn't validate the feeling - but you still feel it - then act on the feeling. Not everything can be verified one way or the other, and then you trust your gut.

Link to post
Share on other sites
scatteredmusician

I don’t think I can add much to donnavain. I think it depends on the person. I don’t go with my gut because I’m not an intuitive person, but if it has worked for you in the past you can value that feeling more. Keep in mind, no matter which relationship you’re talking about, this man needs to treasure you for who you are. If he doesn’t, then is there a reason to continue in it? I’m sorry for your past problems and hope this is a better time for you. Best wishes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No no no, your gut is never wrong! If it senses something's off, then something's off. The problem is, it can't detect WHAT is wrong - just that something IS wrong. That's where (like the others said) your rational mind has to go to work. You have to play detective.

 

But you should never ignore your gut. It's built-in to us for a reason. It's like a signal to be alert, and be cautious. Eyes wide open.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

You need to investigate your gut feeling and have two perspectives...it could be from past bad experiences that is coloring your instinct ...or there could be something wrong.....because intuition is a gift ....you need to hone its use.....to become sure of your gut....

 

 

investigate and try and stay neutral........and always follow your instinctual.... eyes open and your mind and heart as well... nothing shut out or concrete in your mind until proven and validated..............use your "gut"....its a gift.......its your third eye trying to work....so investigate and know whatever is wrong...you can deal with it...you will survive anything bad if you ever need to...which may or may not be as bad as you feel.....deb

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Communication is key. You need to learn to talk out how you feel. You will never have a successful relationship if you can talk things through.

 

Does your current partner know about your past? If not why?

 

If she did know then she could help you get past the problems you have with trust. If she doesn’t know, then she will definitely feel that you are not letting her get to close and think it’s because of different reasons. Like you don’t really care for her.

 

As to fully trusting someone, it will take time and help from the one you are with.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe the question isn't "is my gut feeling wrong", but "why am I having this gut feeling in the first place" ?

 

If you look at the latter question, you may not be very happy with the conclusion but i'm sure whatever your gut is telling you matters for a reason.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Hillbilly1969

Rarely is your gut feeling wrong ,i had the same feeling a while back with my ex wife ,i caught her cheating and later found out it wasnt the first time . Trust your gut but verify

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I wouldn't trust your gut feelings because your gut feelings have a bad track record. How come it didn't prevent you from being blindsided before?

 

Some people are more intuitive than others. I don't think you are very intuitive. But that's fine. Maybe you are more analytical. What you need is trust, not crystal ball cos that doesn't exist.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine

No. I have trust issues but it's still never wrong. It can be wrong in the sense that I can't accurately guess all the details but whenever I felt something was off, there was something that was really off.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Let me ask you this "When you express your concerns, is she soft with you? Is she trying to show you that she loves you very much and shwong empathy? Or does she get defensive?

Link to post
Share on other sites
No no no, your gut is never wrong! If it senses something's off, then something's off. The problem is, it can't detect WHAT is wrong - just that something IS wrong. That's where (like the others said) your rational mind has to go to work. You have to play detective.

 

But you should never ignore your gut. It's built-in to us for a reason. It's like a signal to be alert, and be cautious. Eyes wide open.

 

This ^

 

I’m not getting what’s the purpose to label people as having ‘broken’ instinct and related. An instinct is an instinct- it DOES make sense, if you manage to pinpoint what is it telling you. It is a ‘safety’ feature that has evolved in humans and all other species, let’s not underestimate that...

 

Forget about being ‘damaged’ - that’s modern BS. Just trust your gut and use your brain to pinpoint what the gut is telling you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, a gut feeling can often be wrong. People who have lived through a traumatic event or who have PTSD frequently feel fear, a sense of impending doom, anxiety or similar when there is not any threat.

 

People who are insecure or tend toward paranoia have gut feelings that are only related to their insecurity or paranoia.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Is a Gut Feeling Ever Wrong?

 

Long story short, I consider myself preaty damaged from a previous relationship of 5 years that really had me thinking I was the crazy one. Luckily I made it out alive. I was blindsided bad with the string of men during the entire relationship because I was completly blind and stupid.

 

So Im about 3 months into a new relationship that is drastically different...for the better. But a couple of things have happend during this time that has really given me a bad heart sinking gut feeling. I have no solid reason to suspect anything though and dont know what to do. I think its just all from my past relationship but cant be certain.

 

Anyone have any advice?

 

have really brought back a lot

 

Thats really hard to answer because in order to have a really good instinct and guy feeling -- you need to be 100%. You know what I mean?

 

You can't get stoned or drunk and rely on your "gut feeling" because obviously you are not 100% yourself.

 

The same thing applies to other situations -- like you can't have just broken up with a person and rely on your gut feeling or you can't be still thinking you are "damaged goods" from a previous relationship gone bad and go around relying on your gut feelings.

 

Thats why I am a big believer in being single fora given period of time after a relationship and get back to yourself and then you are ready to enter a new relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...