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GF is still in contact with an old drunken fling


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Ive been with my GF for about 6 months now. Found out she had drunken sex with one of the guys in her circle of friends. She said it was a one time thing but he’s still in her life and they talk once in a while. Guy happens to be a little bit of a dirtbag. Should I be concerned? I don’t want to be the jealous type but I really don’t like the fact they still talk.

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Michelle ma Belle

When did you find this out?

 

Did she tell you or did you find out through someone else?

 

What do you mean the still 'talk'? As in call each other on the phone and gab for hours or just in passing whenever out with the circle of friends?

 

Need more info.

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When did you find this out?

 

Did she tell you or did you find out through someone else?

 

What do you mean the still 'talk'? As in call each other on the phone and gab for hours or just in passing whenever out with the circle of friends?

 

Need more info.

 

I found pictures recently and questioned her about it. She told me the story. They don’t talk on the phone or text each other that often. Just in passing when out with her circle of friends. To my knowledge anyway.

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Michelle ma Belle
I found pictures recently and questioned her about it. She told me the story. They don’t talk on the phone or text each other that often. Just in passing when out with her circle of friends. To my knowledge anyway.

 

Then I think you're overthinking things.

 

Has she ever given you any reason to doubt her loyalty to you? If not, stop looking for problems.

 

It sucks that she hooked up with someone in her circle but it's not necessarily the end of the world either, particularly if she's someone you think you can trust.

 

Good luck.

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There is no absulute answer. She seems innocent. Her past the past, and you can't change that. She may have splept with other guys, you know. She might sleep with him in the future, the same as she can do it with anyone else.

 

Reading what you posted, there are no signs for you to worry about her meeting him when she meets her group of friends. But I think you're jealous anyway. And jealousy has no rules or logic.

 

(I'm a jealous guy myself, I know it's my character, and I've tried not to blame my girlfriends in the past about it. I have tried but not always suceeded, and sometimes there were fights about things. As I grew older I've learned when should I just quit, and when should I stay and trying to work it out. But I have never hid my jealousy. I had been alleays open about it, knowint the other side (she) has the right to leave if she doesn't like it.

 

I'm married now, but I know exactly what would I do in your shoes. I would have asked her to try to avoid meeting him, not to mention talking to him 1X1 conversations. Why? Because it makes me jealous... :)

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For now,I think you're fine. As (and if) the relationship progresses and gets more serious, I think that both of you should not be texting nor hanging with ex-lovers. Nothing good can come of it.

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Not everyone comes out and tells every juicy detail about whom they have slept with, etc. He's just a part of the social group so there isn't anything she can do about that if she want to hang out with her friends. And since she isn't in contact with him by text/ social media, there is no concern.

 

One time thing is just that....a one time thing. It was before you were around, so whatever she has done before is out of anyone's control. sounds to me she has moved on from it.

 

Now, I'm not saying your feelings are not valid. Not everyone would be comfortable with this information. So it's up to you, whether or not you can accept it and carry on with your relationship with her.

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Ive been with my GF for about 6 months now. Found out she had drunken sex with one of the guys in her circle of friends. She said it was a one time thing but he’s still in her life and they talk once in a while. Guy happens to be a little bit of a dirtbag. Should I be concerned? I don’t want to be the jealous type but I really don’t like the fact they still talk.

 

 

Yeah well l'll just go against the conventional wisdom of Glass Half Full and say I'd tell her she is free to go hang out with him again. Because every time you run into this guy he will be elbowing his friends and snickering about how he banged your GF while they all smirk at you.

 

And before you reply that does not happen. I'll just knock down the wall in your Ice Cream Castle and tell you it happens every time you are in his vicinity.

 

Everyone has a past before we met them. But that does not mean everyone is willing or able to let go of their past.

 

I'm kind of old fashioned in this regard, but it's going to be a fine line you walk between jealousy and acceptance. I would not even bring it up again. She already knows how you feel since you asked her about it. She is free to either dial her questionable friendships down or not.

 

Only time will tell. If you bring it up again she will accuse you of being nuts so if you want to have the convo again, have at it, with fairly predictable results.

 

6 months is not a lot of invested time in a relationship. You can find someone else that does not provide this proverbial bone of contention(no pun intended)

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And since she isn't in contact with him by text/ social media, there is no concern.

 

He said in his second post that they don't talk or text that much. Meaning, they do talk and text some.

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Even if you do mention this, I'm not sure what the solution is. He's part of her friend group, so short of ditching all her friends to make you feel better, it's not like she has any choice in seeing him on occasion.

 

Talking and texting with someone 'occasionally' with someone who's in your friend group is perfectly normal.

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I could not have a GF/wife still be in any contact with

a past lover. No way. No how. No nothing. Now if she

values his friendship more then mine then I know where

I stand and would end things with her.

Edited by road
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If I have sex with a guy only once, there is always a good reason. I think in every case that's happened in my life it's because *I don't want to have sex with him again*. I suppose there could be a guy that didn't want to have sex with me again, but I can't recall that (generally if the woman wants to have sex again, she can make it happen, probably even if he's got reasons not to). I would just chalk it up to a night where she didn't have anything better to do. Or maybe she had a legit crush/interest but then found there was no chemistry.

 

I think where she went wrong here was to tell you. In an ideal world being open and transparent would be preferable, but in an ideal world grown ups would be able to handle that kind of info. I kind of get why you can't. I've felt jealous before, of course. So really, since you can't handle that sort of thing the only way for you guys to be together and not be miserable is for her to keep that kind of info to herself. It happened before she knew you, she shouldn't be punished (by having to choose between you and her friends) for not having been faithful then.

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Ive been with my GF for about 6 months now. Found out she had drunken sex with one of the guys in her circle of friends. She said it was a one time thing but he’s still in her life and they talk once in a while. Guy happens to be a little bit of a dirtbag. Should I be concerned? I don’t want to be the jealous type but I really don’t like the fact they still talk.

 

Do you really need to ask if you need to be concerned about this?

 

She cheated on you with this guy and they are still talking. Where is your manhood?

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Do you really need to ask if you need to be concerned about this?

 

She cheated on you with this guy and they are still talking. Where is your manhood?

 

Wait!! Where did you see the bit about cheating? That would change my response. I thought it was a fling from the past.

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Ive been with my GF for about 6 months now. Found out she had drunken sex with one of the guys in her circle of friends. She said it was a one time thing but he’s still in her life and they talk once in a while. Guy happens to be a little bit of a dirtbag. Should I be concerned? I don’t want to be the jealous type but I really don’t like the fact they still talk.

 

First off when someone says they don't want to be the jealous type they're in a whole world of trouble because YOU are the jealous type. You are jealous not because of something trivial but because your spider sense probably tingled when you saw the pictures so you knew there was something there and of course there was.

 

When you say "her circle of friends" do you hang out with those friends or does she often go off and hang out with them without you?

 

A fling is a fling, but according to you the guy is a dirtbag, so he grates on you but your GF will keep him in her life.

If you trust her then cool and proceed as normal. But if she's going off regularly partying with "her circle of friends" and you're not invited then on your part you're going to be in trouble because you're going to turn into that guy you don't want to be and when that happens the relationship will only go one way and that is down.

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If I have sex with a guy only once, there is always a good reason. I think in every case that's happened in my life it's because *I don't want to have sex with him again*. I suppose there could be a guy that didn't want to have sex with me again, but I can't recall that (generally if the woman wants to have sex again, she can make it happen, probably even if he's got reasons not to). I would just chalk it up to a night where she didn't have anything better to do. Or maybe she had a legit crush/interest but then found there was no chemistry.

 

I think where she went wrong here was to tell you. In an ideal world being open and transparent would be preferable, but in an ideal world grown ups would be able to handle that kind of info. I kind of get why you can't. I've felt jealous before, of course. So really, since you can't handle that sort of thing the only way for you guys to be together and not be miserable is for her to keep that kind of info to herself. It happened before she knew you, she shouldn't be punished (by having to choose between you and her friends) for not having been faithful then.

 

Do you really need to ask if you need to be concerned about this?

 

She cheated on you with this guy and they are still talking. Where is your manhood?

 

As far as my reading comprehension goes the OP never

told us if the sex was before or after they started dating.

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I think where she went wrong here was to tell you.

 

Hmmm....lol. Well at least you have the forethought to put a warning label on your own honesty.

 

Well played.

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Hmmm....lol. Well at least you have the forethought to put a warning label on your own honesty.

 

Well played.

 

This doesn't have anything to do with my honesty. I am so horrifically honest with my guys. I wouldn't be able to date someone who couldn't handle real life situations such as me not be faithful to them before we met. If a guy expects that I've never had sex before or that I'm going to stop having any interaction with anyone I've ever slept with, then he's not the guy for me.

 

But do you really think its necessary to report to a new boyfriend everything she's done in the past? I have no problem talking about stuff Ive done but I would certainly not feel obligated to tell all.

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This doesn't have anything to do with my honesty. I am so horrifically honest with my guys. I wouldn't be able to date someone who couldn't handle real life situations such as me not be faithful to them before we met. If a guy expects that I've never had sex before or that I'm going to stop having any interaction with anyone I've ever slept with, then he's not the guy for me.

 

But do you really think its necessary to report to a new boyfriend everything she's done in the past? I have no problem talking about stuff Ive done but I would certainly not feel obligated to tell all.

 

You only can be faithful to someone once you have met

them, not before.

 

Anyone that cannot go NC with a past lover is someone that

prefers them over me. That is not someone to date.

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This doesn't have anything to do with my honesty. I am so horrifically honest with my guys. I wouldn't be able to date someone who couldn't handle real life situations such as me not be faithful to them before we met. If a guy expects that I've never had sex before or that I'm going to stop having any interaction with anyone I've ever slept with, then he's not the guy for me.

 

But do you really think its necessary to report to a new boyfriend everything she's done in the past? I have no problem talking about stuff Ive done but I would certainly not feel obligated to tell all.

 

If I'm dating someone seriously, then she has no business hanging out with a former lover, not texting them.

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You only can be faithful to someone once you have met

them, not before.

 

Anyone that cannot go NC with a past lover is someone that

prefers them over me. That is not someone to date.

 

So, if an ex is part of their group of friends and therefor they run into each other at parties and such, you would expect your partner to dump all their friends in order to maintain NC?

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