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Should I tell?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 24th October 2017, 4:01 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
We haven't seen Silver....I bet money on it, they are choosing to keep silent about it.
Not only that, probably continuing to bang the other guy.
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Old 24th October 2017, 10:35 PM   #62
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Look at these posts of ours in the last 24 hours on this thread.

It's almost like all of us have seen so much of this before, we will easily bet money on no disclosure. Pretty sad that we've seen this movie so many times here with the same predictable results literally every time.


We hardly have anything left that surprises us.
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Old 28th November 2017, 8:21 AM   #63
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@Space Ritual

Exactly my toughts...
I guess we humans are a completely messed up in our heads.
We come search for counsels and then we still act upon our real motives as if those words that we've just received helped cover up a bit of our remorses.
Like making a step forward and hide the two backwards.

What a bunch of idiots we can be. That's the sadden truth.
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Old 28th November 2017, 3:20 PM   #64
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Life Changing Decision

1) You're actually answering the question yourself, in that if it's bothering you at this point, it will only increase in anguish for you. During wedding rehearsal,, at the alter and when you are on your honeymoon, the thought will be with you.

2) Five times over five months reflects questionable judgement and decision making. Despite your regret, my experience is you are more prone to repeating this behavior then not. It may seem impossible now considering the degree of your regret, but the circumstances that led you to repeatedly cheat for nearly half a year will surface again. Stress from studying or stress from married life and your job are all the same. Instead of a study partner, it will be a co-worker. Your temptation got the best of you, and your lust allowed it to be maintained. When you are married (to whomever) you will work with men who are handsome or find you attractive when you don't feel attractive and hungry for confirmation of your existence. This is dangerous territory and you've flunked a test, but unfortunately many more are forthcoming.

3) Your unfaithfulness wasn't tested to it's fullest extent because your FB was quite compliant and accepting of your separation from him. It's possible, if he pursued you strongly, you would have had difficulty ending it and the foundation of your pending marriage would be weakened.

4) Every experience I've ever read of situations like this, the betrayed person is most hurt and disappointed from not finding out about it until years later, where it's 10 times worse finding out about, so you may want to tell him just from this perspective alone.

5) If you bring it up, be prepared to tell EVERYTHING. Every detail should be written down and provided for to him. He will not believe it only happened five times, I'm just telling you now. FWB's in the same location typically romp way more than once a month. You have to tell him the truth. If it's five, it's five. I just think it'll be hard for him to believe. Be prepared to tell him who the guy is, etc. He'll have lots of questions.

6) Logistically, you may want to tell him in case the wedding is called or postponed. He'll need time to process and accept your unfaithfulness.

7) If you love him and want what's best for him reveal your secret and respect his decision, whether it be for or against you. Much respect and love can come from this, but it takes courage to possibly lose him, but that's the bed you made for yourself. Speaking of love, you may want to reflect upon yourself and ask if you really do love him. Unfaithfulness with the person you so-call love BEFORE marriage is an extremely dangerous omen. Imagine what it will be when you are out of love or feeling unloved. This happens in marriages. It has ebbs and flows, highs and lows. Those that understand this, manage well. Those that don't have affairs to try and remedy the low's. Bringing a 3rd person into a marriage changes it FOREVER.

8) I would tell him post graduation because he will not trust you and he'll be thinking your still f'king the guy all winter. The distance prohibits him from being with you, so he will not feel safe it all. His mind will be racing with thoughts every time he tries to reach you can can't.

Last edited by Colin Grant; 28th November 2017 at 3:39 PM..
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Old 12th December 2017, 8:40 PM   #65
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It has been a while, but I wanted to update everyone that I did tell my boyfriend. It was extremely difficult, but needed to happen. I think I lost him forever.
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Old 12th December 2017, 8:50 PM   #66
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Well how did it go...

Well how did it go...


Could you elaborate?
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Old 12th December 2017, 9:09 PM   #67
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He was in shock, and it was terrible. The engagement was called off and we are not speaking right now. Praying he will forgive me.
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Old 12th December 2017, 9:09 PM   #68
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It has been a while, but I wanted to update everyone that I did tell my boyfriend. It was extremely difficult, but needed to happen. I think I lost him forever.
you did what was right to do......even if you lose him.....know that even if you didnt tell you lost him when you cheated....deb
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Old 13th December 2017, 1:47 AM   #69
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He was in shock, and it was terrible. The engagement was called off and we are not speaking right now. Praying he will forgive me.
Well, I for one think that you should be proud of yourself. Yes it did not turn out like you hoped, but when what happened happened, the relationship as you knew it for all intents and purposes, was dead.

Right now you would do well by yourself, above all to begin to look into your why's.

Yes it happened, and yes you are suffering consequences, but by no means let this crossroads in your life define you.

You know, you CAN come out of this a much better person than you think you can. And you took the first step by coming clean. You can come out of this better by being true to yourself, and doing the work necessary to become safe for a partner.

Again, do not let this define you. Do not wait around "hoping" you will be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift that like respect, you have to earn. Be proactive and get into some sort of counseling, reading, journaling...even posting here.

Go forth determined to never subject yourself to putting yourself in a position to feel or dole out the pain you and your fiance currently feel. It wont be easy, but it is doable if you commit to it.
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Old 13th December 2017, 5:38 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by Silver10 View Post
He was in shock, and it was terrible. The engagement was called off and we are not speaking right now. Praying he will forgive me.
Silver10, you did the correct thing. What happens will be for the best.
Maybe you cheated because you subconsciously wanted to end this
eight year relationship.

Maybe you wanted to see if the grass was greener before you got
married to your BF. Who knows.
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Old 13th December 2017, 6:48 PM   #71
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You needed to do it, and now you can release yourself from this and move forward.

Who knows what will happen....only time will tell.
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Old 13th December 2017, 7:11 PM   #72
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Its better you owned your ****. Good first step. The people here really do care and are a great bunch to learn from. I really hope the best for you. As for your ex-BF... Tell us what he does, and how you guys started being an item...

Also, is marriage what you want? Or is it something your folks and friends place more emphasis on? The reason I ask is that you seem very committed to school and higher achievement in this stage of your life....Maybe this is your inner self rebelling to be let out and do what you wanted to do...Albeit, not hurt your long term partner...Sorry.
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:07 AM   #73
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It has been a while, but I wanted to update everyone that I did tell my boyfriend. It was extremely difficult, but needed to happen. I think I lost him forever.
I knew you would do the right thing.

I won’t try and psychoanalysis the reasons why you cheated.

I will say this, it took real courage to face what you did and to be honest about it. There is a good and loving person in you.

Here’s the learning part. There are two ways to go from this point. One is to realize when you are in a relationship, close friends of the opposite sex can cause you problems in a relationship. Read the book Not Just Friends. This will help you.

Or you decide that you just won’t tell if it happens again.

Last note, if the OM knew you were in a relationship and still pursued you, leave him be. He has a poor character and most likely will not be faithful to you.
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:19 AM   #74
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Anything is better than living a lie.

You'll understand that later if you haven't already
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:21 AM   #75
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You might not have lost him forever if you are in love with him.

Stay faithful to him even though you are not together anymore. If you love him let it be know by your actions not just words. Give him his space for now and let him see by your actions that you love him still. Words will not do it.

Remember your cheating struck at core of his manhood along with everything else. You can help fix that by how you talk with other’s if they ask.

Best of luck. But make damn sure you are in love with him before you start to try and win him back.
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