Need some encouragement!

[johndoe]

I've posted on here a few times about this current girl I'm seeing. The last month she's really been pulling away and distancing herself from me. I'm not sure what her deal is, she might be scared, sick of me, or just not interested anymore. I decided that I have to start distancing myself as well or else things are just going to keep getting worse. My problem is that I'm constantly thinking about her and I always want to be with her. I am constantly in agony over this girl. I haven't had an appetite in like two weeks. I just need some encouragment that I'm doing the right thing by pulling away. Also any tips to keep me occupied would be great. Thanks.

[ConfusedInOC]

Do you want to get over her and move on? If so, then NO CONTACT is in order. If you think there still might be a chance, then you need to go with LIMITED CONTACT.

 

Since I haven't been following your story I can't really say how to approach the problem. ('ll go read about it in a sec.) One thing you can never do is BEG, PLEAD or otherwise MANIPULATE them into coming back. It has to be HER idea that you two get back together or it will never work.

 

Figure out what is causing her to back away. Were you too clingy? Do you lack self-esteem? Do you have male friends you hang out with often? Do you have any goals? Do you have hobbies?

 

Women are inherently attracted to self-confident men. And most self-confident men have hobbies, lots of male friends they hang out with and they have goals that keep them driven.

 

Suggested reading: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Robert A Glover.

 

I was there man. The "inability" to eat was just my own manifestation of idolizing someone. When I realized she was the source of my pain and not my pleasure, then I started healing. Same for you. Right now she is source of your pain and you need to get her out of your mind and focus your energy on something positive.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by johndoe

The last month she's really been pulling away and distancing herself from me.

Most likely cause you stopped being a challenge and are wimping out on her and becoming too clingy. Women hate that with a passion.

 

I decided that I have to start distancing myself as well or else things are just going to keep getting worse.

Good idea JOHNDOE!! and the faster the better.

 

My problem is that I'm constantly thinking about her and I always want to be with her.

Nothing wrong with that as long as you don't let her know what u are thinking.

 

I am constantly in agony over this girl.

Why? It is just a girl, and there are plenty more out there...

 

 

I haven't had an appetite in like two weeks.

Last time I checked a Whopper w/ cheese still tasted the same whether one is love-sick or not.

[Marshbear]

When a women pulls back it is a sign that things with you/her are not right. If you push you will just make things worse and make her mad. I would do as she is doing. She is distancing herself so you do the same. Parrot what she does and see if you get a reaction. If she asks what your problem is then you have an oppurtunity to talk. If she ignores you and never calls or ims then she is done and doesn't want to give you a reason ( a chicken s**t way of breaking up but women do it all the time ).

 

As for your time, exercise is a good way of using it to benefit yourself and keep you busy. Go out with friends and try to keep your mind occupied so you don't dwell on HER.

 

Peace...

[beesknees]

My X did the same thing to me... just pulled away without a reason/word.

 

You need to do something- ANYTHING- to stay busy, and not talk to her. I know you're hurting and can't get her out of your mind.

 

Try painting your toenails. Yeah, I know you're a guy. Paint your toenails and keep it under your socks- at least you will constantly think about "I really need to take that stuff off before someone finds out" rather than thinking of her! It's just a minor distraction.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by beesknees

My X did the same thing to me... just pulled away without a reason/word.

 

You need to do something- ANYTHING- to stay busy, and not talk to her. I know you're hurting and can't get her out of your mind.

 

Try painting your toenails. Yeah, I know you're a guy. Paint your toenails and keep it under your socks- at least you will constantly think about "I really need to take that stuff off before someone finds out" rather than thinking of her! It's just a minor distraction.

 

ROFL! You learn something new every day.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by beesknees

Try painting your toenails. Yeah, I know you're a guy. Paint your toenails and keep it under your socks-

Maybe JOHNDOE can just start hitting the gay* bars also!

 

*not that there is anything wrong with that!

[johndoe]

Thanks everyone for your quick responses. There was a lot of useful info in them.

 

I just want to add something- I don't think I was too clingy. Right from the beginning I let her be the one that called or TM me first. She was the one that initiated everything. Some where along the line I started calling her and making plans more but I don't think I was clingy. I think I made myself too available. Hopefully by backing off I'll get her interest back.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by johndoe

Thanks everyone for your quick responses. There was a lot of useful info in them.

 

I just want to add something- I don't think I was too clingy. Right from the beginning I let her be the one that called or TM me first. She was the one that initiated everything. Some where along the line I started calling her and making plans more but I don't think I was clingy. I think I made myself too available. Hopefully by backing off I'll get her interest back.

 

Do you have hobbies, goals and lots of friends? If so, I would start delving into those areas and put her at the back of your mind. That's the best way to show her that you are not co-dependent.

[johndoe]

ConfusedInOC,

 

Yeah I do have a few Hobbies. I have friends that I can probably start hanging out with more. It's just hard to force myself to do it but I know I have to man up and just push through it. Anymore suggestions on how to keep my mind busy?

 

thanks,

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by johndoe

ConfusedInOC,

 

Yeah I do have a few Hobbies. I have friends that I can probably start hanging out with more. It's just hard to force myself to do it but I know I have to man up and just push through it. Anymore suggestions on how to keep my mind busy?

 

thanks,

 

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy." You can find it on Amazon. It'll give you some ideas as well. The best thing I can say is:

 

1. Reconnect with friends.

2. FORCE yourself to do things with friends (Golf, BBQ's, Sports activities, Camping, Fishing, etc).

3. Indulge in pro-active hobbies that you can share with those friends

4. Go to the movies!

5. If you're not going to the gym, now is a good time. Not only will you look and feel better physically, it's also good for the mind. Trust me on this. You need to go at least 3x a week.

 

On the gym thing, I started going in Feb of 2004. At the time I was not in great shape. I used to drink too much and I was starting to get a beer belly. Well, that was enough to freak me out. So I started a weight lifting plan and stuck to it. I do NOT miss a workout. Over a year later I am in the best physical shape I've ever been in. My friends all comment on how great I look. I feel as good as I look. I traded 15 lbs of FAT for the equivalent in muscle.

 

As a side note...women have noticed too. Looking good physically is one of the best things you can do for your self-confidence, self-esteem and masculinity.

 

And yes, even the Ex noticed.