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-   -   Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual (https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/634299-crush-married-boss-think-feeling-mutual)

mickeyd 8th September 2017 8:35 AM

Crush on married boss and think the feeling is mutual
 
I have a crush on my married boss and think the feeling is mutual. I too am married and we both have children. I have only been working with him for 3 months now. I work part time and at least once a fortnight he wants me to work late with him. He winks at me, at first he used to touch my arm now he is touching my shoulder. He is extremely nice to me and never gets upset. Every time we have meetings together he gets really close to me and several times his leg has touched mine - not sure if it is on purpose. Is he flirting with me? What do I make of the situation?

Zahara 8th September 2017 8:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickeyd (Post 7410598)
I have a crush on my married boss and think the feeling is mutual. I too am married and we both have children. I have only been working with him for 3 months now. I work part time and at least once a fortnight he wants me to work late with him. He winks at me, at first he used to touch my arm now he is touching my shoulder. He is extremely nice to me and never gets upset. Every time we have meetings together he gets really close to me and several times his leg has touched mine - not sure if it is on purpose. Is he flirting with me? What do I make of the situation?

You are playing with fire. I experienced a colleague once in your situation and the incredible pain she had to endure until she had to leave her job due to her inability to cope with her emotions, the gossip around the office and the downfall of her marriage after the boss' wife went straight to her husband and revealed the affair.

Step away and get yourself out of the short lived excitement.

Yes he is flirting with you. You already know this. You create better boundaries for yourself and think about your family and why you're distracted by such a man.

d0nnivain 8th September 2017 8:55 AM

Remind yourself that this is a VERY BAD idea on multiple levels. Don't work late alone with him. Don't talk on the phone with him outside of work about non work things. When he moves closer to you, move away. Don't worry about what it looks like. Do your job. Be professional. Do not engage. If you can't do all that, get a new job.

caveman621 8th September 2017 9:02 AM

I agree with both prior posters. If it is a "crush" you have to quash it right now!!!

But if you want to proceed with this, here's what you do. Both get divorced and at least one of you get a job at another company. That's the right way to handle it. If you both are not OK with double divorce and a job change in order to pursue this "crush" then, there's your answer.

Are you unhappy in your marriage?

mickeyd 8th September 2017 9:11 AM

Of course I am unhappy in my marriage otherwise I wouldn't have a crush on another man. If he was also happy in his marriage I don't think he would be flirting either - am I right? Can I get a man's opinion?

d0nnivain 8th September 2017 9:14 AM

I'm not a man but I don't think crushes are solely a function of an unhappy marriage. Unhappiness & dissatisfaction are factors but not the only driving force. For women the longing for love & acceptance drives the decisions. Not so for a man. This guy could be perfectly happy in his marriage but still want something on the side because he likes conquest & it's a stroke to his ego.

If your marriage is bad, fix it or divorce. Don't make it worse by cheating.

mickeyd 8th September 2017 9:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d0nnivain (Post 7410623)
I'm not a man but I don't think crushes are solely a function of an unhappy marriage. Unhappiness & dissatisfaction are factors but not the only driving force. For women the longing for love & acceptance drives the decisions. Not so for a man. This guy could be perfectly happy in his marriage but still want something on the side because he likes conquest & it's a stroke to his ego.

If your marriage is bad, fix it or divorce. Don't make it worse by cheating.


Thanks for this. I get that men are driven by ego and he may just want something on the side. I just can't help the way I feel. Believe me I thought I would be the last person to even consider cheating on my husband but I don't know why I feel this way. I have had a few co-workers hit on me in the past but never felt the same way. This time I feel differently I don't know why.

Space Ritual 8th September 2017 9:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickeyd (Post 7410598)
What do I make of the situation?

Think for more than 30 seconds about the consequences of pursuing this. And use the energy you are wasting on your boss and put that into your own marriage. Are you in Junior High or are you in committed marriage?

Stop using your head for something other than a hat rack. THAT'S what you make of the situation.

Being unhappy in a marriage is normal. It is also normal to communicate this with your husband and lay out that there are concrete consequences for not taking actions, leading up to and including divorce.

But going right to cheating is a cowardly action. Instead of claiming you are unhappy in your marriage and thinking this to be a viable option, look in the mirror and ask yourself what YOU could be doing to improve your marriage instead of seeking outside validation. It is foolhardy to not consider the consequences of such actions. There will be plenty, because you don't come off as someone who will be able to keep a secret, or an affair, secret for very long. You are using the rationale of a 12 year old

You are responsible for 50 percent of your marriage...however you will be 100 percent responsible for cheating.

Wake up before you do irreparable damage to your life.

Mrin 8th September 2017 9:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickeyd (Post 7410621)
Of course I am unhappy in my marriage otherwise I wouldn't have a crush on another man. If he was also happy in his marriage I don't think he would be flirting either - am I right? Can I get a man's opinion?

Man here. No. A man can be happy in his marriage and still have crushes. Depending on the moral caliber of the man, he can also flirt, love and have affairs/sex. Never underestimate the compartmentalization capacity of a man.

Also, and I am sorry to say this, if he's willing to flirt and do more with you, never trust a single word he says. He will tell you what he thinks you need to hear (unhappy marriage, no sex with wife) without batting an eyelash regardless of whether it is true or not.

Space Ritual 8th September 2017 9:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickeyd (Post 7410633)
This time I feel differently I don't know why.

Because you are being driven by emotion as opposed to common sense.

Think about it.

Mrin 8th September 2017 9:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickeyd (Post 7410633)
Thanks for this. I get that men are driven by ego and he may just want something on the side. I just can't help the way I feel. Believe me I thought I would be the last person to even consider cheating on my husband but I don't know why I feel this way. I have had a few co-workers hit on me in the past but never felt the same way. This time I feel differently I don't know why.

Let me suggest that there is a difference in your mind between co-workers and boss. The power disparity perhapsor perhaps it is the he has more to lose so it must be true idea?

caveman621 8th September 2017 10:04 AM

Man here!;)

I was never very good with the ladies when I was single. You know. Pressure to be cool and fear of rejection.

But, after I was married, flirting for fun became easy. If I'm not trying to pursue a woman, no "skin in the game", confidence is high and talking and flirting is easy. I find it fun. That doesn't mean there was ever any true intent behind the flirting.

If this is driving you crazy, I think you need to talk to him about it. It might be painful, but if he's just passing time at work by flirting with a pretty female, you might be all twisted up over nothing.

knabe 8th September 2017 10:17 AM

If you have morals or character, you will stop this before it starts.

Do you have morals or character?

Redhead14 8th September 2017 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickeyd (Post 7410633)
Thanks for this. I get that men are driven by ego and he may just want something on the side. I just can't help the way I feel. Believe me I thought I would be the last person to even consider cheating on my husband but I don't know why I feel this way. I have had a few co-workers hit on me in the past but never felt the same way. This time I feel differently I don't know why.

Someone is paying attention to you and you are having your ego stroked and he's probably getting the same thing out of it. Don't get into a situation where you're stroking something else and sh*tting where you eat.

If you need attention, talk to your husband and/or file for divorce. Then you can start looking elsewhere. If you have children, you need to be thinking about them and their home. They are your #1 priority. If you don't have children, just leave the husband.

Davey L 8th September 2017 11:47 AM

Another man's point of view here.
He's flirting. I do this all the time (and yes, I know I shouldn't). I enjoy it, it makes work more enjoyable, and to be honest the attention is nice. I enjoy going out for one-on-one lunches with these married ladies too. However that's as far as I take it.
I don't know how far this man is prepared to take it. Maybe his limit is the office flirting. Maybe he'll enjoy going out for lunches like me. Maybe he'll go further and be prepared to start a proper affair. But I very much doubt if he'll go so far as to leave his wife for you. Men don't, usually, no matter what they say. There will come a point where you want more from him than he's prepared to give and then, depending on how far it has gone, you will end up hurt.
Enjoy the flirting while it's harmless but go no further, is my advice.


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