1ocean Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I caught my boyfriend texting with his best friend about how "legit hot" his therapist is. He said "I thought all you had to do was compliment a girl on her hair and shoes and it was an automatic blow job. Guess not with her." He went on to talk about how yoga pants are a "gift from God" and that's why he loves going to the gym, just so he can see other women in them. If that wasn't enough, he was taking about how he cheated on his ex gf with her sister and was slapped across the face, and usibgpretty crude, vulgar words about it. It was like someone I didn't even know. He told me before that he loves me so much that he never has the urge to look at other women and has no need to. Well, this clearly doesn't sound like it. I'm sure he may have been joking about some of it, but it still hurts and makes me feel like dirt. I feel so disrespected and knowing how he views women is gross. If you are "so in love" with someone, you should respect them enough to not talk about other women like that. I was talking with friends and the convo started to get into other men's looks, and out of respect for my bf, I left the convo. I would never disrespect him in that way, and thought he would have done the same...but he initiated all of that talk, and his married friend egged him on. I don't know what to do. I've been crying and feel so gross and betrayed. I don't know that I can trust him again. He sounded like a stranger that I had never met. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 People use different languages when talking to the others of the same gender. That conversation wasn't meant for you. Maybe it was vulgar & possibly objectifying to women but if it was just talk with maybe a little looking while you are not present (at the gym). I'd chalk it up to boys will be boys. However you draw those lines very differently from where I do. If my GFs started talking about men's looks I wouldn't leave the conversation out of "respect" for my husband. To me saying some other guy is hot or handsome does not in any way detract from how hot, handsome, sexy, loving or loyal my DH is. It's just talk. Constantly doing it especially in front of an SO or to that person's exclusion is different but a fleeting glance or an off-handed compliment is well within bounds, IMO. Because you have a different view point you might be better served finding a BF who shares your views that so much as talking or looking are problematic. While you might have some success convincing your current guy to use less vulgar words, you aren't going to stop the talk or the looks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 YOU found out how he really views women, he is a cheater, and a lecher. His words to you do not match up with who he seems to be in reality. He apparently lied to your face. He has gone down in your estimation big time. I doubt he can ever really salvage himself, as once seen, his words can never be unseen in your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 This was pure locker room talk. Most guys will talk with guy friends like this, and it doesn't mean most respect women any less, it's for humor purposes. I do it too, and I have never cheated on a woman, or ever will for that matter. Where this gets alarming is the blowjob comment, which implies he was hitting on her with the objective of sexual activity. Couple that with the cheating with her ex gf's sister and you have a right to feel untrustworthy. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 a man is so in love that he wouldn't look or think about other women HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Girl it doesn't matter how in love a guy is, he will still look and desire other women and even fantasize and masturbate to them. It is what it is. The locker room talk is common....guys are always pumpin their own tires about their sexual exploits with each other. It's very possible what he told his friend is complete BS. On another note....why are you looking through his phone....it's a violation of his privacy. You have no right. If you suspect something just tell him, and ask to see his phone. As of now, he has done nothing but shoot the S#$% with a friend some vulgar man crap. He didn't disrespect you, you were never mentioned in the conversation, it wasn't about you or your relationship, and it was a private conversation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Trump-style locker room talk maybe. But... "I thought all you had to do was compliment a girl on her hair and shoes and it was an automatic blow job. Guess not with her." This part... seems like he actually tried it? This is all manner of wrong. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KBob Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Trump-style locker room talk maybe. But... This part... seems like he actually tried it? This is all manner of wrong. I agree it looks suspicious, but listen to any comedy by Jim Norton or Jim Jefferies and it may sound like it could be a joke. Crude, but a joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1ocean Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 I'm sure it was a joke, but seriously. Have some respect for women and your girlfriend. Just because it's a joke, or other guys do it, doesn't mean I have to be ok with it. It's disrespectful and dishonoring. What if he overheard some guy talking about me like that? Or, if he overheard me talking about other men like that...I know he wouldn't be ok with it if it were reversed. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 Locker Room talk aside.... This guy cheated on a GF with her sister? And you are dating him? Lady come on!!!! Do you really want to associate yourself with someone who would do that? I'm a 2 time ex con but even I know better than to bang my GF's sister. lol. This one is a no brainer. All the rest about the therapist take a huge back seat to the sister banger. If you stay with him that is totally on you and you will be rewarded with questionable behavior from him going forward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Locker Room talk aside.... This guy cheated on a GF with her sister? And you are dating him? Lady come on!!!! Do you really want to associate yourself with someone who would do that? I'm a 2 time ex con but even I know better than to bang my GF's sister. lol. This one is a no brainer. All the rest about the therapist take a huge back seat to the sister banger. If you stay with him that is totally on you and you will be rewarded with questionable behavior from him going forward. This. What in the fresh heck. That's where my real concern would be - you have a reason to be worried about a guy who would do something like this. There's a moral compass missing with your boyfriend. The comments? Meh, I wouldn't be concerned. Men look at women, despite what he tells you. The blow job comment is crass but again, I think the real problem is that your boyfriend has extremely questionable ethics and no sense of loyalty, as demonstrated by his choice to have cheat with his girlfriend's sister. That's so Maury Povich. Only you can decide if you want to continue with a dude like that. I sure wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 I work in a male-dominated field and that's how my coworkers talk once they leave the office - even the married ones who I know love their wives. So I agree it's the boys will be boys stuff for most of it. The one in there that bothers me is the cheating one... that just sounds low and like you might not be on the same page values wise. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 We are not even sure if it really happened...like I said he could be spewing a bunch of bs to his buddy. If the OP is upset about it....she needs to confront him. Link to post Share on other sites
BadLuckIGuess Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 I caught my boyfriend texting with his best friend about how "legit hot" his therapist is. He said "I thought all you had to do was compliment a girl on her hair and shoes and it was an automatic blow job. Guess not with her." He went on to talk about how yoga pants are a "gift from God" and that's why he loves going to the gym, just so he can see other women in them. If that wasn't enough, he was taking about how he cheated on his ex gf with her sister and was slapped across the face, and usibgpretty crude, vulgar words about it. It was like someone I didn't even know. He told me before that he loves me so much that he never has the urge to look at other women and has no need to. Well, this clearly doesn't sound like it. I'm sure he may have been joking about some of it, but it still hurts and makes me feel like dirt. I feel so disrespected and knowing how he views women is gross. If you are "so in love" with someone, you should respect them enough to not talk about other women like that. I was talking with friends and the convo started to get into other men's looks, and out of respect for my bf, I left the convo. I would never disrespect him in that way, and thought he would have done the same...but he initiated all of that talk, and his married friend egged him on. I don't know what to do. I've been crying and feel so gross and betrayed. I don't know that I can trust him again. He sounded like a stranger that I had never met. Just by what you said, I can tell he is a liar. Men are human beings, we find other women physically attractive no matter who we are with. That's just facts. As far as his conversation with his friend, it's clear that he is a opportunist when it comes to cheating. If he hasn't, he would if given the opportunity. He also views women poorly, as if they are sex toys. So let's review the things against him: 1. Liar 2. Opportunist 3. Sexist Are you willing to put up with the three things above? That's what you have to ask yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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