maja Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Hi, I have a questions that i thought many of you can help me answer. I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, we live together and love each other deeply. We know we want to be with one another for life, but i'm extremly jealous when it comes down to him knowing other woman. I mostly know all of his friends, but not all because some of the live out of state. I know that this is bad, but sometimes i check his cell phone to see who calls him and who he calls, and i've always for a long time notice this girls number that he calls or that she calls him. The number doesn't appear often, but i'm very curious to know who this person is and why haven't i met her. How do i go about asking him this in order for him not to find out that i've checking his private phone? Or, should i even bother? Please, your answers would be greatly appreciated!! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Well, you have a choice: 1. continue torturing yourself by sneaking around and snooping through his things to satisfy your own insecurity-driven curiosity and eventually get caught doing it, or ... 2. suck it up, be truthful, and come clean with him - let him know that you are doing and why, apologize for it and then have a really good talk about what it is thats bothering you. Yes, he will probably be angry and feel violated and he has every right to, if he has given you no reason to be doing what you are doing, - but it would be far worse for you if you are caught rather than owning up to it. If you tell him what is going on, then it might go pretty far toward putting your fears to rest than if you are letting all sorts of 'femme fatale man-stealing boogeymen' dominate your imagination. Now, should he be hiding something after all - it would still do well to be truthful. If he is seeing someone behind your back, then no matter what you do, its going to get ugly eventually regardless. Better sooner, than later in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 You shouldn't be checking his cell phone... rule number one. Total lack of respect, if you ask me. Plus it's making you paranoid. Until he gives you reason not to trust him, stay away from his cell phone. I know you'll never be at peace with the issue, since you admitted to being a jealous type. Sounds like the damage has already been done, but if he finds out you've been snooping around looking for dirt, he's gonna get pissed!!! I know I would. Don't even bring it up. He'll use it against you if things start to sour. I know I would. Link to post Share on other sites
glitter-gal Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 First of all I think you are playing with fire here checking his phone behind his back.... There is a certain level of respect that you should maintain (weather you find he is doing wrong or not) while you are in a relationship with someone. What kind of communication do you guys have (or not have) that leads you to checking his phone??? If you both are in love you should be connecting on all levels of your relationship. Can you go to dinner with just the two of you and have lively conversation?? Do you lie in bed and talk before you fall asleep or in the mornings before you get up?? If he is indeed talking to another woman... what does he get from thier conversations that he doesn't get from you?? Now I will tell you why I think this way... I was married (at a very young age) and we were not in the perfect marriage as you can imagine. I checked his phone, email, mail... I even showed up at his work unannounced to try to catch him doing something wrong... I believe now that I was just looking for an out, our marriage was based on false hopes and dreams, not on a loving physical & emotional relationship. I should never have been in this marriage to begin with. Well as it turns out he WAS cheating on me and I found out, so i took my son and I left him. Of course I caused myself a lot more heartache than was necessary... I should have just figured things weren't working and left. As for how to bring it up to him... I don't know, you can't bring it up without admitting to sneaking through his phone & damage his trust for you. But if you don't bring it up you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out... P.S. are you sure it's not just Aunt Betty calling her nephew every once in a while?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 Thanks guys, and i know you are absolutely right that it is very wrong of me to be sneeking around. It's just that i have insecurites within myself that i can't figure out why i have them and what they are!! We have a great realationship! we talk in bed, we talk at dinner, we have great communication with one another, but what my problem is, is that i think that since i have this great guy that does everything for me, respect me, love me, show that he loves me daily, even takes me to Paris for Valentines Day, that I think that this all is too good to be true, so i'm such an idiot and go snoop around just making things worse! When we go out and he runs into some girls he knows, he tells me that the reason why he doesn't intriduce me to some of them or tell me about them is that they are just acquaintances from back in the school days, or whatever and that it's not worth me knowing them, because he doesn't stay in touch with them anyway, but i still get jealous regardless. Now, i have been working really hard on fixing this issue, and i notice results, but i still have a lot to work on..... ~glitter*gal~, i'm very sorry to hear what your ex did to you, but i believe that your subconscious was telling you that something was wrong, and maybe that is the reason why you went snooping around... I hope all is well with you right now!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by maja Hi, I have a questions that i thought many of you can help me answer. I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, we live together and love each other deeply. We know we want to be with one another for life, but i'm extremly jealous when it comes down to him knowing other woman. I mostly know all of his friends, but not all because some of the live out of state. I know that this is bad, but sometimes i check his cell phone to see who calls him and who he calls, and i've always for a long time notice this girls number that he calls or that she calls him. The number doesn't appear often, but i'm very curious to know who this person is and why haven't i met her. How do i go about asking him this in order for him not to find out that i've checking his private phone? Or, should i even bother? Please, your answers would be greatly appreciated!! Check the phone number and see who it belongs too. THere are plenty of online sources that do reverse searches. Maybe the # doesn't even belong to the woman? Link to post Share on other sites
snoop_dawg22 Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 I've checked my ex's phone. Actually I saw the phone bill and saw how long he talked to this certain number. Turned out to be his ex-girlfriend. I was honest and told him that I saw his bill and that he spent almost 3 hrs talking to her. He tried to deny and turn it around on me for checking his stuff. I agree with Tiki. Find out who it is first before you confront. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maja Posted February 24, 2005 Author Share Posted February 24, 2005 I know it's an out of state number, and I called the number and some girl picked up so i hung up. That's my question - how do i find out who it is? what are the ways? He pays all the bills online so i don't even see them. I know it's not his ex, but who.... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 Go to infospace dot com and on the left click on "reverse look up". How many minutes at a time has he been talking to this #? Excessive amounts? Link to post Share on other sites
Hund1976 Posted February 25, 2005 Share Posted February 25, 2005 If its a cell phone number its probably not going to show up on the reverse search. There's a good chance its just a friend who he keeps in touch with occasionally. I know a girl who I went out with for a few months a couple years ago. I knew her for a few years before we hooked up and we still talk once in awhile now. But there is nothing romantic between us now. So unless he is doing something shady like his cell phone rings and he gets all nervous and doesn't answer it or something like that I wouldn't worry about it for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts