1AlaskanAssassin Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I've been seeing this lady for a few months, we're exclusive and we're adults, we have separate jobs and houses. But she likes to go to bars, and last night she told me she ended up smoking weed in some guy's car "with him and his girlfriend." If I'm honest, I don't feel cool with that. But am I being an insecure d*ck? Or should I put my foot down? Of course if I do, she may just do what she wants anyway and just stop telling me about it. .. What do you think? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 This is a red flag in my books. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 The only thing you can do right now is voice your opinion and here what she has to say. If your not happy with her reasons then move on and be done with it. Your not tied down to her and it's only been a few months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1AlaskanAssassin Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 This is a red flag in my books. Please elaborate Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I wouldn't do anything at that stage. You should treat it gently because right now she's honest with you, telling you little things like that. If you show that you're uncomfortable with it, she can 1. stop it. 2. stop telling you. 3. disagree with you and continues doing it with less sharing. If you can, wait to see where it goes... It may be only once in a long time, so why risking anything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I've been seeing this lady for a few months, we're exclusive and we're adults, we have separate jobs and houses. But she likes to go to bars, and last night she told me she ended up smoking weed in some guy's car "with him and his girlfriend." If I'm honest, I don't feel cool with that. But am I being an insecure d*ck? Or should I put my foot down? Of course if I do, she may just do what she wants anyway and just stop telling me about it. .. What do you think? Thanks. Nah, dude that is not cool. Problem is, you can't change someone like that. That's who she is. No point in getting upset about it. If she's not for you, then it's time to move on. No reason to fight about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Please elaborate Let's break it down... You're supposedly both ADULTS with jobs and homes that you maintain individually, you're dating and apparently EXCLUSIVE yet she's behaving like a reckless and rebellious TEENAGER hanging out at bars without you and jumping into cars and getting stoned with STRANGERS. Seriously?! Red f*cking flag. You have every right to be uncomfortable with this! Unfortunately, I suspect she's been doing this for quite some time which means asking her to try and understand why it bothers you, never mind asking her to change, won't be an easy task my friend. Good luck. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
perol Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I get the strong feeling they were doing more than just smoking pot in the car. I would not be ok with that. In fact I wouldn't be ok with all the pot smoking even if it wasn't in a car with a guy and his girlfriend. It's an illegal drug, it alters the mind and it can cause cancer. Who needs that crap? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1AlaskanAssassin Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 won't be an easy task my friend. Good luck. Thank you for breaking it down. Aghhh kind of hurts.. God damn feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Here's my two cents....you're dating, "exclusive" and can I assume sleeping together? Why is it that two people can ride the wave of sex, alcohol, job issues and yet cannot find a way to discuss likes and dislikes. Were I dating, I would like to think that I would express my uneasiness and if it made me uncomfortable enough, let her know that this behavior felt like the activities of someone not in an exclusive relationship. See her response. If going out to a random guys car is more important than the relationship, you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I'm anti drug so that alone is a deal breaker for me. But I'll take drugs out of the equation. I could get past the talking to guys in bars, or even stepping outside to have a regular cigarette with them (you can't smoke indoors around here) but the minute an SO of mine started going to private places -- cars or homes -- of people without me, I'd question that behavior. After having been drinking, to voluntarily put yourself in a position where stuff could happen, rather than keeping social pleasantries public is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Or should I put my foot down? "Putting your foot down" sounds like you are her parent. You aren't. You are her boyfriend. As such, you cannot "put your foot down" because that leads to questions of wanting to control your girlfriend. What you can do is have an open & honest discussion with her about why her behavior makes you uncomfortable. If you don't like her responses, walk away from the relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I don't see a problem with this, unless marijuana is illegal in your State? I'd love a few puffs on a spliff myself right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1AlaskanAssassin Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 "Putting your foot down" You're right, what I probably should have said was "or do you think this is "appropriate space" in a relationship." Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Trying to change someone to suit your needs, is one way for a failed relationship to succeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I don't see a problem with this, unless marijuana is illegal in your State? I'd love a few puffs on a spliff myself right now. This is more than just about lighting up a doobie. Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I get the strong feeling they were doing more than just smoking pot in the car. I would not be ok with that. In fact I wouldn't be ok with all the pot smoking even if it wasn't in a car with a guy and his girlfriend. It's an illegal drug, it alters the mind and it can cause cancer. Who needs that crap? Doing what? I thought it's legalized in many states. Link to post Share on other sites
perol Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Doing what? I thought it's legalized in many states. Less than half of states have legalized marijuana use. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Jasmine Jones -- Substitute playing tiddlywinks for smoking. The issue for the OP does not seem to be her use of marijuana but the fact that she is smoking in cars & elsewhere with strange men she just picked up in a bar. It's her companions & her choice of location that bothers the OP not her activity. Does that change your answer? Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Jasmine Jones -- Substitute playing tiddlywinks for smoking. The issue for the OP does not seem to be her use of marijuana but the fact that she is smoking in cars & elsewhere with strange men she just picked up in a bar. It's her companions & her choice of location that bothers the OP not her activity. Does that change your answer? If the OP's gf is telling the truth then she was with a strange man AND that man's girlfriend. It seems like she was interested in the spliff, not in getting up to anything with another man. This behaviour is the norm for college students. So for a grown adult it does seem juvenile but beyond that not alarming at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Ummm... maybe I'm from another planet but I don't see anything unusual about meeting a nice couple at the bar and accepting their invitation to have a toke. Now if it was a single guy that would be a bit different, but even that doesn't seem odd. I'm in California, and out here that is not unusual at all. Somebody asks "I'm going out to my car to smoke a doobie, any takers?" Not any different than stepping out to smoke a cigarette. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I wouldn't sit in a stranger's car, and it doesn't matter if there is a female involved.....it's not safe. She is putting herself in a compromising situation. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Ha, ha, unless you met the guy and his purported girlfriend, it's all unverifiable. Signed Seen a lot. Up to you on being cool. Your boundaries are your boundaries. Had she sent a selfie of her and her new buddies toking up, well, that would be another matter. Heh. Link to post Share on other sites
Oli. Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Someone in a committed relationship wouldn't hang out at bars on a regular basis, let alone get in some random guys car to smoke. She doesn't seem ready to settle down yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Someone in a committed relationship wouldn't hang out at bars on a regular basis, let alone get in some random guys car to smoke. She doesn't seem ready to settle down yet. yes they do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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