Clairere Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 So I spent a half year dating this guy at least that is what I thought. He has been chasing me during the whole time and when I slept with him he wanted more, it turned into something only sexual. By his actions I really thought he liked me which he did at one point I am sure. With time I start to develop feelings for him while sleeping with him (yes this was probably wrong, I waited long before I slept with him though) so basically I stopped talking to him and he does not understand why. It took me long time to finally tell him that I can't put up with this anymore, I said that I have feelings for him and all I get is "that is cute." That's it, it's over. He suggested that we could be bros. It feels like someone stabbed me with a knife out of nowhere not because I slept with him but because I spent a half year with this guy building some type of relation to him, had such good times and all I get is a that is cute then it's over, not even any type of support and he suggest to be bros. I mean wtf? I feel humiliated.. Just a day before I told him he was sweet towards me. I wasn't even good enough to be his friend or worthy any type of support? Given no closure either. He was never a jerk, he was a nice person which is why I am shocked. I am trying to understand but I simply don't. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 He played you. Guys get put into the friendzone, and girls sometimes get put into the friends with benefits zone. He enjoyed sex with you, but he didn't see a relationship with you. When you confessed, he knew the situation had changed and ended it. The best thing to do is to simply forget about him, follow the NC guide and in the future respect yourself a little more before sleeping with someone. If you want a relationship with someone, it's usually not a good idea to sleep with them before the actual dating has started. Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 had you two talked about exclusivity and what you wanted from the relationship before you started having sex? How long before you had sex? Was he seeing other people? Were you? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Tip: guys will do or say anything to get sex. And sex doesn't always gets you feelings. If you ever want to be sure, you make sure their actions and words match. Keep your legs closed until you know he expresses exclusivity. This will not totally eliminate the jerks, but it will give you better protection from your heart being stomped on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clairere Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 had you two talked about exclusivity and what you wanted from the relationship before you started having sex? How long before you had sex? Was he seeing other people? Were you? I thought that sleeping with him wouldn't be a bad thing but then it happened more than once, not because of pressure but because I wanted to and then I realize that it's suddenly the only thing we do. I waited four months before I did it. I didn't talk about exclusivity but he was very very open about us, everyone knew and he was the one who would hint about commitment but I suppose he was just playing because that was before the sex. I don't think he was seeing other people but writing to other girls yes and same thing goes for me. He found out about it but only expressed some jealousy over the fact. Heck I even kissed another guy in front of his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I thought that sleeping with him wouldn't be a bad thing but then it happened more than once, not because of pressure but because I wanted to and then I realize that it's suddenly the only thing we do. I waited four months before I did it. I didn't talk about exclusivity but he was very very open about us, everyone knew and he was the one who would hint about commitment but I suppose he was just playing because that was before the sex. I don't think he was seeing other people but writing to other girls yes and same thing goes for me. He found out about it but only expressed some jealousy over the fact. Heck I even kissed another guy in front of his friend. That's probably what did it. Again though, time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 So I spent a half year dating this guy at least that is what I thought. He has been chasing me during the whole time and when I slept with him he wanted more, it turned into something only sexual. By his actions I really thought he liked me which he did at one point I am sure. With time I start to develop feelings for him while sleeping with him (yes this was probably wrong, I waited long before I slept with him though) so basically I stopped talking to him and he does not understand why. It took me long time to finally tell him that I can't put up with this anymore, I said that I have feelings for him and all I get is "that is cute." That's it, it's over. He suggested that we could be bros. It feels like someone stabbed me with a knife out of nowhere not because I slept with him but because I spent a half year with this guy building some type of relation to him, had such good times and all I get is a that is cute then it's over, not even any type of support and he suggest to be bros. I mean wtf? I feel humiliated.. Just a day before I told him he was sweet towards me. I wasn't even good enough to be his friend or worthy any type of support? Given no closure either. He was never a jerk, he was a nice person which is why I am shocked. I am trying to understand but I simply don't. There is such a thing as a Quality Casual Guy. He will date you properly, he will treat you like a girlfriend, but you will never be "the girlfriend". This is the reason for being clear from the get go about what each of your dating partners is looking for. Casual or a relationship. And, even if he says he's looking for a relationship, you have to observe carefully. They are content with you and don't want to sleep with a whole bunch of people. I'm betting there were some other inklings you've had along the way that made you question his level of investment. He probably really did like you. He wouldn't have spent 6 months with someone he couldn't stand to be with even if there was sex. He might do it for a couple of months if he didn't really like you until someone else came along, but not 6 months. He just wasn't in love with you. I bet if you had a conversation with him early on in the dating scenario, he would have said he didn't want a relationship, just casual. Some people can do casual for a very long time if they like the person enough. You were at a point where you needed to define the relationship and you got your definition. He was a little "glib" and inconsiderate of the fact that you had feelings for him and that was jerky. Move on and block his number. He may come back around knowing you are "attached" to him and thinking he could pull you back in because of that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clairere Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 There is such a thing as a Quality Casual Guy. He will date you properly, he will treat you like a girlfriend, but you will never be "the girlfriend". This is the reason for being clear from the get go about what each of your dating partners is looking for. Casual or a relationship. And, even if he says he's looking for a relationship, you have to observe carefully. They are content with you and don't want to sleep with a whole bunch of people. I'm betting there were some other inklings you've had along the way that made you question his level of investment. He probably really did like you. He wouldn't have spent 6 months with someone he couldn't stand to be with even if there was sex. He might do it for a couple of months if he didn't really like you until someone else came along, but not 6 months. He just wasn't in love with you. I bet if you had a conversation with him early on in the dating scenario, he would have said he didn't want a relationship, just casual. Some people can do casual for a very long time if they like the person enough. You were at a point where you needed to define the relationship and you got your definition. He was a little "glib" and inconsiderate of the fact that you had feelings for him and that was jerky. Move on and block his number. He may come back around knowing you are "attached" to him and thinking he could pull you back in because of that. Point taken. I definitely should've asked him from the start. I never questioned his level of investment, if anyone he definitely questioned mine but that does not matter. I only felt confused about what we are and then one day yes I did notice he was different. My only focus is to move on right now and hopefully he won't come by since I made it clear that we can't continue this way. I think I am mostly disappointed about his move when I told him that I was catching feelings. He told me that it was cute, I mean really? What's up with that. He could've at least said something like the fact that he isn't feeling the same or whatever. After six months that was a pretty harsh ending for me. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I agree if a guy has good intentions, he will take you out on proper dates, introduce you as his GF, etc. Pretty simple stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clairere Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I agree if a guy has good intentions, he will take you out on proper dates, introduce you as his GF, etc. Pretty simple stuff. He did at first, except for calling me his girlfriend. His actions made me believe that there was something and perhaps something serious. Then one day I realize that he avoids going out like we used to. Suddenly it's all about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 That's what you need to wait for.....to be called GF. To him you were FWB. The way I see it, he intentionally misled you into thinking it was a relationship and wanted just FWB. His plan was to ride it out until you confronted him. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Point taken. I definitely should've asked him from the start. I never questioned his level of investment, if anyone he definitely questioned mine but that does not matter. I only felt confused about what we are and then one day yes I did notice he was different. My only focus is to move on right now and hopefully he won't come by since I made it clear that we can't continue this way. I think I am mostly disappointed about his move when I told him that I was catching feelings. He told me that it was cute, I mean really? What's up with that. He could've at least said something like the fact that he isn't feeling the same or whatever. After six months that was a pretty harsh ending for me. Yeah, I agree, it was a crappy way to put it. Arrogant, actually. He knew he was stringing you along. And, while in some ways he came across as the Quality Casual Guy, I'm going to drop the Quality part of this because of that. He basically called you out for being naive. A Quality Casual Guy will be upfront about not wanting a commitment even on the boyfriend/girlfriend level at least. This guy wasn't getting questions or conversations opened by you about "status", so he just played along knowing that most women are looking for a relationship and made it look good for as long as he could and you got wise. Good for you. Some women will go down this road for a year or more! Happens all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 So you thought you were dating, even though the relationship was purely sexual? Hmm, I'm not saying he treated the situation the best, but what did you expect? Clearly if he was more into you things would have moved quicker from the start. Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 He actually used the word "bros"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clairere Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 So you thought you were dating, even though the relationship was purely sexual? Hmm, I'm not saying he treated the situation the best, but what did you expect? Clearly if he was more into you things would have moved quicker from the start. We were dating. He took me out on dates and all types of activities, I took him out on dates and I met his friends many times if that matter. After I slept with him it turned sexual and I came to realize that he does not want to do anything else other than having sex but he could not tell me that. I confronted him and now I'm here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Clairere Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 He actually used the word "bros"? Ah yes he did. He suggested we could be "bros" Link to post Share on other sites
jmiller1991 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 He did at first, except for calling me his girlfriend. His actions made me believe that there was something and perhaps something serious. Then one day I realize that he avoids going out like we used to. Suddenly it's all about sex. Yep. I hear this from my girl friends all the time. You get invested emotionally, and then find out that it's only about the sex. That is why you should never have sex with a guy until you FIRST find out how he feels about you. THEN, if he is serious, you can maybe get more intimate. This is what my mom always taught me, and I think there is something to those "old fashioned" values. Once you have sex, they will not respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
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