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Girlfriend cheated on me with another woman


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 30th September 2015, 9:08 PM   #16
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I'm scared, I really don't know what to do

Last edited by Chinoito; 30th September 2015 at 9:18 PM..
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Old 30th September 2015, 9:27 PM   #17
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you don't get what's going on here. You think that it's all about the the cheating.

Under the surface there is a control battle. She wants to marry you, but she knows this is her chance to establish her future relationship with you. Once she wins, she's managed to set your future rule number 1 - She is the upper hand, she controls you, and you're invited to be her doormat.

This little issue about her quitting or not her job, is the thing you should not give up on. If you give up, that means she didn't pay ANY price, and it means, that even now, when you have all the good cards in your hand, you can still be manipulated easily... Imagine how easy it will be to manipulate you while you're married with kids and much less cards \ options
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Old 1st October 2015, 4:26 AM   #18
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I'm not hurt by her kissing a girl
Really? You should be. I would certainly be very hurt if my GF were to kiss someone else, whether male or female.

That is simply not how an honest, trustworthy and respectful person behaves when they are in a relationship.
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Old 1st October 2015, 5:26 AM   #19
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I'm scared, I really don't know what to do
I'll tell you what to do. Walk away from that relationship. It's definitely not going to work if she's still working with the woman.
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Old 1st October 2015, 7:24 AM   #20
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I'll tell you what to do. Walk away from that relationship. It's definitely not going to work if she's still working with the woman.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless romantic i know who she is and this isn't her, we were high school sweethearts we were best friends before I even considered asking her to be my girlfriend, I knew before hand that she wanted to experiment with women and I told her I was okay with that as long as I knew, it seems odd I know but when I get into a relationship, I give you all the freedom you have and let you grow with me by your side, yeah sure I've made a my own mistakes but not to this extent, I asked her to switch houses or look for another job, she is going to do exactly that, is the chance of us working out a higher if she were to leave that house or look for another job. I just want to start completely fresh and forget and start a new, I know what we had is gone but she really wants this, I can see she's trying to make thiings right and I see the effort she's putting in, I don't have anyone really to discuss the matter with, my thoughts are all over the place. Whenever I'm with her the past few days, it feels like everything is normal like nothing happened, as if this never occurred, I don't understand it, I should be angry and depressed but I'm just sad really.
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Old 1st October 2015, 7:49 AM   #21
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i know who she is and this isn't her
Have you ever seen Batman Begins? It has the most wonderful quote.

"It's not who I am underneath... but what I *do*... that defines me"

She is defined by her actions. Her actions suggest this is who she is, despite what you thought she was "underneath".

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I told her I was okay with that as long as I knew
Well, she betrayed you then. What are you going to do about that?
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Old 1st October 2015, 3:34 PM   #22
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Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless romantic i know who she is and this isn't her, we were high school sweethearts we were best friends before I even considered asking her to be my girlfriend, I knew before hand that she wanted to experiment with women and I told her I was okay with that as long as I knew, it seems odd I know but when I get into a relationship, I give you all the freedom you have and let you grow with me by your side, yeah sure I've made a my own mistakes but not to this extent, I asked her to switch houses or look for another job, she is going to do exactly that, is the chance of us working out a higher if she were to leave that house or look for another job. I just want to start completely fresh and forget and start a new, I know what we had is gone but she really wants this, I can see she's trying to make thiings right and I see the effort she's putting in, I don't have anyone really to discuss the matter with, my thoughts are all over the place. Whenever I'm with her the past few days, it feels like everything is normal like nothing happened, as if this never occurred, I don't understand it, I should be angry and depressed but I'm just sad really.

You are in for a world of hurt. You are a Beta dude. You lost your best chance to come out of this when you did not show her any real consequences. Good Luck, she views you underneath as a tool and a sucker so you can now look forward to a future of nothing but games as long as you remain in the relationship.
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Old 1st October 2015, 7:33 PM   #23
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Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless romantic
I've noticed that sometimes when men say this "hopeless romantic" actually means "doormat".

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i know who she is and this isn't her
Was this a robot created in her likeness that did this? Or some evil version of her from an alternate reality? You say you know who she is and this isn't her. It's the other way around though, you don't know who she is..only who you *thought* she was.

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we were high school sweethearts we were best friends before I even considered asking her to be my girlfriend
Yet she cheated on you, failed to tell you, and kept on flirting with the person she cheated with until caught. That is what your high school sweetheart did to you.

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I knew before hand that she wanted to experiment with women and I told her I was okay with that as long as I knew, it seems odd I know but when I get into a relationship, I give you all the freedom you have and let you grow with me by your side
The whole "she wants to experiment with women" just seems so cliché to me now. Like what were they gonna sit down and watch Cruel Intentions and then go make out on a picnic blanket in the quad?

But meh that isn't the point, you shouldn't of told her she could experiment. It's never a good idea to tell a college girl "hey go ahead and experiment" because you WILL end up hurt.

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yeah sure I've made a my own mistakes but not to this extent, I asked her to switch houses or look for another job, she is going to do exactly that, is the chance of us working out a higher if she were to leave that house or look for another job. I just want to start completely fresh and forget and start a new, I know what we had is gone but she really wants this, I can see she's trying to make thiings right and I see the effort she's putting in, I don't have anyone really to discuss the matter with, my thoughts are all over the place. Whenever I'm with her the past few days, it feels like everything is normal like nothing happened, as if this never occurred, I don't understand it, I should be angry and depressed but I'm just sad really.
I think for this to work the person she cheated with needs to be 100% out of her life. Can she accomplish that without quitting her job? If so, cool. If she'd still see the person in any capacity then she should quit.

As for saying you should be angry and depressed instead of sad..not necessarily. Sometimes your heart is just so broken you are numb to anger and all you feel is sadness.

Last edited by Spectre; 1st October 2015 at 7:37 PM..
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Old 2nd October 2015, 8:41 AM   #24
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I'm scared, I really don't know what to do
She won't stop "experimenting".
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Old 2nd October 2015, 12:43 PM   #25
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First I should preface this by saying I have an unconventional outlook on bisexual relationships and monogamy. I don't mind at all if my GF's hook up with other women as long as it's done in an honest and open manner. It's never created problems in the relationship and it's led to numerous wild threesomes. I personally would not make a big deal about it. I'd suggest finding another bisexual girl who you can both play and experiment with. If you try to repress her bisexual urges it will blow up in your face. If you are supportive and allow her the freedom to explore those feelings she will respect you more and probably be more honest with you about her lesbian urges. If you play this wrong it will work out one of two ways.

1. It's over now. No more relationship. Back to being single again.
2. You work things out for now, but she continues to have unfulfilled lesbian urges. Eventually something like this happens again and the relationship ends.

If you play this right you can have a honest and trusting relationship with a bisexual woman who brings other women home and you get to experience wild threesomes. In my experience this usually makes the relationship stronger and creates a deep sense of trust and intimacy between you. And if it doesn't, you're in the same boat as if you break up today, but at least you can cross one off the bucket list.

Woman/woman sexuality is so much different than man/woman sexuality. If you allow her to explore that side of herself it will make her a more complete person and take your sex life to the next level.
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Old 4th October 2015, 4:49 PM   #26
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So this past Monday I found out my girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me with another woman, she was acting suspicious so I invaded her privacy because I knew she wasn't going to admit it, I looked through her phone and found flirty text messaging with her manager who is a lesbian(stud). I confronted her about it and she confessed everything that it had been going on for a couple months and that they had kissed, but after the kiss they both agreed to not do it again since one they were both in relationships and two because she is her boss. I was devastated to find out the girl I loved, planned on marrying, have kids with and build a future would do such a thing, I told her that how could she have been so foolish to have been deceived and played by a lesbian who has a gf. That her manager was the definition of a snake and that she doesn't need people like her in her life. She told me that she enjoyed the kiss and kept the flirty relationship because it was a experimental thing, I would understand the kiss being experimental but not the flirty text relationship they had. She told me that she hates herself for it and that she can't forgive herself, she said that she wants to work this out and that it would never happen again. She cut off all social media with the lesbian, and confronted her and told her that their relationship would be only a work relationship nothing more nothing else and to be professional, the lesbian even called to apologize and tell me that it was going to be a professional, work relationship and nothing else would happen. At this moment, I haven't forgiven her, to the public we seem like we're together but we're not, she scared that her friends and family would see her differently if we broke up because she cheated on me with a woman. Im not quite sure what to do, I'm completely lifeless at the moment. I do love her, one side of me wants to make this work, the other tells me to walk away. Any advice or similar situation would gladly help
Lots of emphasis on the OW being referred to as the 'lesbian' ... might want to think about why it is so.

Bottom line, your gf cheated with someone, her boss, in a company that probably has a policy against such fraternization and that's probably why the boss called you.
Personally i'd be pissed if the manager tried to interfere in my personal life further by initiating the call, it again goes over boundaries ... but it was probably an expression of her need of security concerning her career and job.

For how long have the two of you been together ?

PS: Hopeless romantic = doormat ... unfortunately it is true somewhat.
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Old 4th October 2015, 6:05 PM   #27
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First I should preface this by saying I have an unconventional outlook on bisexual relationships and monogamy. I don't mind at all if my GF's hook up with other women as long as it's done in an honest and open manner. It's never created problems in the relationship and it's led to numerous wild threesomes. I personally would not make a big deal about it. I'd suggest finding another bisexual girl who you can both play and experiment with. If you try to repress her bisexual urges it will blow up in your face. If you are supportive and allow her the freedom to explore those feelings she will respect you more and probably be more honest with you about her lesbian urges. If you play this wrong it will work out one of two ways.

1. It's over now. No more relationship. Back to being single again.
2. You work things out for now, but she continues to have unfulfilled lesbian urges. Eventually something like this happens again and the relationship ends.

If you play this right you can have a honest and trusting relationship with a bisexual woman who brings other women home and you get to experience wild threesomes. In my experience this usually makes the relationship stronger and creates a deep sense of trust and intimacy between you. And if it doesn't, you're in the same boat as if you break up today, but at least you can cross one off the bucket list.

Woman/woman sexuality is so much different than man/woman sexuality. If you allow her to explore that side of herself it will make her a more complete person and take your sex life to the next level.
The utter ignorance of this post shows why there is so much infidelity today. This is the me, instant gratification, disposable generation. There is nothing wrong with experimentation, however in a relationship? Play with fire and prepare to get burned.

Man fact 101. Bisexual women are for fu $@^÷ng, not marrying.
You open that door and it stays open. For bisexual women, if you think opening up your relationship to other women will affair proof your R, you are delusional. If you have sex with others, so will he. You gave him a get out of jail free card. And when another beautiful flower says "I dont think so, its me and nobody else", your R is finished.

True love doesnt share. True lust doesnt care.

Depends on what you are looking for, but to say that you can have both is idiotic.
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