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Should I stay or should I leave? [long post]


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 21st September 2015, 2:25 PM   #1
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Exclamation Should I stay or should I leave? [long post]

I need someone to speak to. I need to get my words out. I met a man in 2010 when I was in college and fell utterly in love with. We were never intimate but shared a friendship with an awesome chemistry for two months. We Skyped to do homework, ambled around college together, messaged each other about music, life, goals. We spoke about everything together. But I was in a committed relationship which was falling off the hinges. In the moment, I fell in love with a complete stranger. I told my boyfriend about how I felt and he threatened to kill himself. Our relationship was the worst. He hit me physically, caused me to have a fractured orbital socket which caused me emotional trauma for years to come. He would play with fire and flirt with anything that had a cute face and walked. (At the end of the relationship he cheated on me too, with a girl who was in a five year relationship [as was i] who ended up having her boyfriends baby a year later). I would find out and throw a fit because I thought what we had was real. I wanted it to be real. I had a miserable relationship with my parents (my parents divorced when I was 14 and separated. My parents left my siblings alone in a house while we were given an allowance to fend for ourselves.)

His family meant everything and for five years out of comfort and the idea of having a loving relationship or partner or something that'll stay forever, I stayed. I was not in love. I loved the idea of it all. Throughout the relationship I had dreams and thoughts of the boy I met in college. For years I would reach out for a platonic friendship, because just to have his presence was a blessing. If something occurred out of remaining platonic, I would of stayed. I muster the courage and confidence to leave my ex, enter the new semester with no emotional ties. I contacted the old college memory. But, in the meantime, I concentrated on my work. I hung out with girlfriends. I drank. I smoked weed. I enjoyed thrifting and playing pool. In this, my old college "love" and I spoke endlessly.

We met in person, we hung out, we shared a first kiss and three or four months later finally became intimate. We waited to keep the spark we felt before alive. This was the beginning of a beautiful story. I met his family, I became his girlfriend. We went on adventures, we worked close proximity to share lunch together. We shared new experiences with one another. It was a love story for two years. I was happy. He was happy. Throughout the years he has a friend who was the epitome of a pig. He'd engage in threesomes with all girls and or one girl and one boy. He always wanted to drink and bring my boyfriend along. For a while, everyone they hung out, I'd come and it would be all of us always.


Fast forward some months, my boyfriends mother lost his job, my boyfriend and I are arguing about everything in the world possible. Insecurity issues. Trust issues, everything that I created in my mind based on the fact everyone in my life left me before, why wouldn't he? I pushed him away. He was denied a loan for college. He had to give more than half his check for rent. He soon would have to give it all. He couldn't pay for college. His "rent" and family was the priority not his education. In this mess, we lost each other. We tried to hang out but we were no longer intimate, no longer lovey dovey. He lost it all. In the process he lost two wallets. His first one I got as an anniversary gift. The second one I two days after he lost it and he loses it again, with his cards social and everything. He was a mess. He hangs out with the dickhead friend and ends up participating in a threesome with his friend and his friends girlfriend. This was August 31. I still had no idea and wondered were we staying together, were we breaking up? I didn't feel anything but negativity being released from him. So September 10, I tell him I want to break up. I told him I understand he's having a melt down with everything in his family and life but I tried to be a little uplifting and all he did was push me away. So what happens? He tells me not to go and how he loves me. From that day on, he starts being the old him. Fast forward to our monthly anniversary, he's being the sweetest. I use his laptop to do homework for school and end up finding myself in his iMessage talking to his friend about the threesome and how he's taking antibiotics because he thinks he has an infection. My heart stops. My heart drops. My life ends. I close the laptop and go back to work because unfortunately, we work together. On the floor I tell him who is she and what happened. He pulls me to the back office and tells me, I was going to tell you after I was sure I was clean and everything was safe. I made the first mistake in our relationship. He begged for me to forgive him and not to leave. I became cold, instantly detached myself from emotions and told him to get away, to leave me. He told me he regrets it every day of his life and if he could he wouldn't have been so weak and made a mistake like he did. He told me if he was financially stable, he'd marry me. For days he's been apologizing over and over, showing me excess love. Sending me the sweetest messages. And every time he kisses me, I feel the Sparks I did back in 2010. I feel the Sparks back when we first started dating. I made him explain in detail exactly what occurred that might. Word for word. He did, he felt disgusted. He broke down crying, sobbing like a child. Hyperventilating. He cried so hard and told me how he's a piece of **** who broke the only thing in the world that was positive. He said he can't live his life knowing that and will do anything in his power to make amends.

Now, here is my dilemma. To stay? To leave? He never hurt me before but this hurts beyond words. He showed me what it was to be loved but in the same breath shows me what it's like to be broken. Would it happen again? How do I know? I never cheated on anyone before. Emotionally I strayed from my ex... But never did I cheat. How do I know he's really sorry? He says he is and cries to me daily but how do I know?


Has anyone of you cheated before and regretted it?
Has anyone of you been cheated on and forgave?
Where does life go?
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Old 21st September 2015, 9:18 PM   #2
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People make mistakes, nobody is perfect. I used to think I would never ever be the kind of person that would cheat. I haven't cheated, but I now understand what would lead someone to cheat. I've come to realise that life gets complicated, people do stupid things sometimes.

It sounds like your boyfriend truly regrets what he did and loves you. Maybe he is lying but I can't really judge for myself except based on what you've written, and based on what you've written I don't think he is.

If you are willing to commit to him and forgive him then I think that would mean the world to him. I think people break up too easily and don't realise that nobody is perfect and people DO make mistakes. Forgiving him and getting through this together will make your bond stronger.

But it's ultimately your call. Maybe you could take a break for a week or two and take some time to yourself to think about it?

I really hope it works out for you, I'm sorry that it hurts so much.

Last edited by seastar93; 21st September 2015 at 9:21 PM..
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Old 22nd September 2015, 1:22 AM   #3
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I forgave, but I regretted doing it. I had to end the relationship.

IMO, he was careless and had unprotected sex, risking YOUR health. IMO he would never had told you because I know he is a coward. IMO he's full of it, he's more worried about who finds out why if you broke up. IMO he doesn't have the capability to handle problems or times of stress in a mature manner. Just think if you were married with children and this happened, not just the cheating but his attitude. IMO he lacks the ability to communicate to discuss issues with you. IMO if he keeps friends like that, that says a lot about his character. IMO this isn't the first time this has happened.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 9:00 AM   #4
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This guy is a bag filled with drama and trouble. I think you've wasted enough time with him already.
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Old 22nd September 2015, 1:36 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chemnerd123 View Post
I need someone to speak to. I need to get my words out. I met a man in 2010 when I was in college and fell utterly in love with. We were never intimate but shared a friendship with an awesome chemistry for two months. We Skyped to do homework, ambled around college together, messaged each other about music, life, goals. We spoke about everything together. But I was in a committed relationship which was falling off the hinges. In the moment, I fell in love with a complete stranger. I told my boyfriend about how I felt and he threatened to kill himself. Our relationship was the worst. He hit me physically, caused me to have a fractured orbital socket which caused me emotional trauma for years to come. He would play with fire and flirt with anything that had a cute face and walked. (At the end of the relationship he cheated on me too, with a girl who was in a five year relationship [as was i] who ended up having her boyfriends baby a year later). I would find out and throw a fit because I thought what we had was real. I wanted it to be real. I had a miserable relationship with my parents (my parents divorced when I was 14 and separated. My parents left my siblings alone in a house while we were given an allowance to fend for ourselves.)

His family meant everything and for five years out of comfort and the idea of having a loving relationship or partner or something that'll stay forever, I stayed. I was not in love. I loved the idea of it all. Throughout the relationship I had dreams and thoughts of the boy I met in college. For years I would reach out for a platonic friendship, because just to have his presence was a blessing. If something occurred out of remaining platonic, I would of stayed. I muster the courage and confidence to leave my ex, enter the new semester with no emotional ties. I contacted the old college memory. But, in the meantime, I concentrated on my work. I hung out with girlfriends. I drank. I smoked weed. I enjoyed thrifting and playing pool. In this, my old college "love" and I spoke endlessly.

We met in person, we hung out, we shared a first kiss and three or four months later finally became intimate. We waited to keep the spark we felt before alive. This was the beginning of a beautiful story. I met his family, I became his girlfriend. We went on adventures, we worked close proximity to share lunch together. We shared new experiences with one another. It was a love story for two years. I was happy. He was happy. Throughout the years he has a friend who was the epitome of a pig. He'd engage in threesomes with all girls and or one girl and one boy. He always wanted to drink and bring my boyfriend along. For a while, everyone they hung out, I'd come and it would be all of us always.


Fast forward some months, my boyfriends mother lost his job, my boyfriend and I are arguing about everything in the world possible. Insecurity issues. Trust issues, everything that I created in my mind based on the fact everyone in my life left me before, why wouldn't he? I pushed him away. He was denied a loan for college. He had to give more than half his check for rent. He soon would have to give it all. He couldn't pay for college. His "rent" and family was the priority not his education. In this mess, we lost each other. We tried to hang out but we were no longer intimate, no longer lovey dovey. He lost it all. In the process he lost two wallets. His first one I got as an anniversary gift. The second one I two days after he lost it and he loses it again, with his cards social and everything. He was a mess. He hangs out with the dickhead friend and ends up participating in a threesome with his friend and his friends girlfriend. This was August 31. I still had no idea and wondered were we staying together, were we breaking up? I didn't feel anything but negativity being released from him. So September 10, I tell him I want to break up. I told him I understand he's having a melt down with everything in his family and life but I tried to be a little uplifting and all he did was push me away. So what happens? He tells me not to go and how he loves me. From that day on, he starts being the old him. Fast forward to our monthly anniversary, he's being the sweetest. I use his laptop to do homework for school and end up finding myself in his iMessage talking to his friend about the threesome and how he's taking antibiotics because he thinks he has an infection. My heart stops. My heart drops. My life ends. I close the laptop and go back to work because unfortunately, we work together. On the floor I tell him who is she and what happened. He pulls me to the back office and tells me, I was going to tell you after I was sure I was clean and everything was safe. I made the first mistake in our relationship. He begged for me to forgive him and not to leave. I became cold, instantly detached myself from emotions and told him to get away, to leave me. He told me he regrets it every day of his life and if he could he wouldn't have been so weak and made a mistake like he did. He told me if he was financially stable, he'd marry me. For days he's been apologizing over and over, showing me excess love. Sending me the sweetest messages. And every time he kisses me, I feel the Sparks I did back in 2010. I feel the Sparks back when we first started dating. I made him explain in detail exactly what occurred that might. Word for word. He did, he felt disgusted. He broke down crying, sobbing like a child. Hyperventilating. He cried so hard and told me how he's a piece of **** who broke the only thing in the world that was positive. He said he can't live his life knowing that and will do anything in his power to make amends.

Now, here is my dilemma. To stay? To leave? He never hurt me before but this hurts beyond words. He showed me what it was to be loved but in the same breath shows me what it's like to be broken. Would it happen again? How do I know? I never cheated on anyone before. Emotionally I strayed from my ex... But never did I cheat. How do I know he's really sorry? He says he is and cries to me daily but how do I know?


Has anyone of you cheated before and regretted it?
Has anyone of you been cheated on and forgave?
Where does life go?
At the rate you are going life is gonna go nowhere but down the toilet.

Those tears are crocodile tears he is throwing at you. He'll be real regretful until the opportunity to have another 3 way. Then it will be Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know how this relationship is going to turn out. Do yourself a favor and get out of it now.
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