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Hi I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and she's just got a new job and she told me she has to camp with her work people. She hasn't known them long and they are all males, I'm not invited as its work related and I won't have any contact with her, I don't know if she will be in a tent on her own or with someone.. should I be worried

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worried? i hope there are separate tents, seems a bit fishy to me, if your girlfreind is pretty and nice-natured, which sounds likely, then this trip is a worry, not that i blame guys, but they try for sex and a refusal can generate anger

 

i am sixty, seen this anger often when cute and young, learned to expect it, she needs an exit strategy, maybe take a hotel room nearby, a communal tent sounds like an ordeal

 

the boss might be the joker who thought this up, get your girlfriend's mother to talk to him, not you, the boss will be an ass at you, but not to a concerned mother, they are off-limits, beyond reproach, and for good reason in your case

 

but perhaps he is trying to give his staff an affordable holiday and is a nice guy in a recession

 

if it is about work, let her male colleagues have that male-bonding fun, she can slip away to a hotel in good cheer, with a happy "see you in the morning" she must not play kill-joy, for this is professional suicide

Edited by darkmoon
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Friskyone4u

And what have you done to verify that this is not a private camping trip with a co worker that has nothing to do with outside????

 

I do not know where she works or where you are but I find it hard to believe that a woman in the workplace would be forced to go on an overnight camping trip with all male co workers unless she is in the military.

 

There is something here that you do not know going on

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Thanks guys, basically she is training as a college tutor for a autistic college as I'm aware she told me she has to do it, no choice. If I ask her about it like who's their, where she sleeping and getting changed etc she thinks I don't trust her, I do but she doesn't know the people that well and I have never met them. I don't like the sound of it to be perfectly honest

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It's a professional team building exercise - I'm sure she will have her own tent.

 

You asked her about this, what did she say?

 

If she has given you no reason to not trust her in the past, then I wouldn't worry.

 

No need to cause conflict between you two if you don't have to. Chill out. Unless she's a cheater, you've got nothing to worry about. If she is a cheater, this camping trip is the least of your worries..

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I did kind of ask her and all she said was she would be on her own and the conversation stopped their and changed, so I don't know if she just told me that to keep me happy.

I don't want to worry or to ask loads of questions but it's playing on my mind

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I'm sure she will have her own tent. To force genders to share a tent, or a hotel room could get the company sued for sexual harassment.

 

 

If it's a work thing, let it be. Buy her a cute gift to take on the trip -- even if it's a bottle of bug repellant so she knows you are taking care of her. Welcome her home when she gets back.

 

 

You can't very well expect her to quit her job.

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lolablue17

You are together for 4 years and you can't talk to her about what makes you worry? What kind of a relationship is it? In a normal relationship you are allowed to raise any subject that bothers you.

 

I think you should talk to her. It looks like a social Formation camping, which is fine, but the way she put it as a "must thing", makes it suspicious. She could have told you that she wants to do it, but the way she excluded you immediately makes me think maybe you two have a history of jealousy.

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Lois_Griffin
I did kind of ask her and all she said was she would be on her own and the conversation stopped their and changed, so I don't know if she just told me that to keep me happy.

I don't want to worry or to ask loads of questions but it's playing on my mind

You are WAY too passive for your own good.

 

People like you get steamrolled because you don't have the spine to stand up for yourself.

 

Seriously. Man up and find your voice.

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I agree with Lois on this one. You need to ask these questions. If she starts getting on your case saying you don't trust her. Just tell her if the shoe was on the other foot and you were going away for the weekend and you were going to be the only guy with a bunch of girls, how would she feel about it? Wouldn't SHE be asking the SAME questions you are?

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Thanks guys, basically she is training as a college tutor for a autistic college as I'm aware she told me she has to do it, no choice. If I ask her about it like who's their, where she sleeping and getting changed etc she thinks I don't trust her, I do but she doesn't know the people that well and I have never met them. I don't like the sound of it to be perfectly honest

 

So uh, help me out here. How does going out camping...help train you to tutor autistic children? Do autistic kids learn better in the woods or something?

 

Also, I see red flags man. You've been together 4 years not 4 months. So when she tells you she is going to go camping with a group consisting solely of other dudes..any guy would be asking questions.

 

I also hate hate the go to response of "oh you don't trust me". Since even if you trust someone..why the hell should that trust override your innate instincts? Which, if they are telling you something might be fishy, shouldn't be ignored.

 

I also agree you should ask her how she would feel if the situations were reversed. See, her answer will be very telling, because if she says she totally wouldn't care at all she is either lying or just not that into you. No way in hell if a dude was going camping with nothing but other women that the girlfriend would just say "okie dokie roast some marshmallows for me!" They'd be asking questions.

Edited by Spectre
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It's not sketchy or she or them can't be trusted, it's just inappropriate. Please discuss this with her. Point out how this makes you uncomfortable, and how it is pushing boundaries with your relationship. Just because it's a "work thing" doesn't mean you can't come and pay your own way if activities are paid for by the company. I'm sure this all male staff would feel the same way if they were faced with their GF or wife going on a all male camping trip. I agree with Chi townD, if it was the other way around I'm pretty sure you GF wouldn't feel right about it. This isn't a trust issue, it's a respect issue. You GF needs to respect your relationship.

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Hi I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and she's just got a new job and she told me she has to camp with her work people. She hasn't known them long and they are all males, I'm not invited as its work related and I won't have any contact with her, I don't know if she will be in a tent on her own or with someone.. should I be worried

 

She's not going to be in a tent with other men. That's ridiculous. No workplace could make anyone do that.

 

What are you worried about? Do you think she'll cheat while on this trip? Do you think she'd cheat any other time? If you don't think she'd cheat otherwise, why do you think she'd do it on a camping trip with a whole bunch of co-workers around? It's just as easy, if not easier, for her to cheat with someone she meets in a bar than on a trip where they are surrounded by other people the whole time.

 

I go on business trips for work with other colleagues all the time, most of them men. I don't cheat then, just like I don't cheat any other time. Tent vs. Hotel doesn't change anything.

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She's not going to be in a tent with other men. That's ridiculous. No workplace could make anyone do that.

 

What are you worried about? Do you think she'll cheat while on this trip? Do you think she'd cheat any other time? If you don't think she'd cheat otherwise, why do you think she'd do it on a camping trip with a whole bunch of co-workers around? It's just as easy, if not easier, for her to cheat with someone she meets in a bar than on a trip where they are surrounded by other people the whole time.

 

I go on business trips for work with other colleagues all the time, most of them men. I don't cheat then, just like I don't cheat any other time. Tent vs. Hotel doesn't change anything.

 

Maybe not for you, but it is a difference.

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Maybe not for you, but it is a difference.

 

Do you really think so? If you wouldn't cheat in a hotel, would you really be more likely to cheat in a camping situation in a tent? Why? Why would a tent make you want to cheat whereas a hotel wouldn't? I don't get it.

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Do you really think so? If you wouldn't cheat in a hotel, would you really be more likely to cheat in a camping situation in a tent? Why? Why would a tent make you want to cheat whereas a hotel wouldn't? I don't get it.

 

 

Hotels has doors that lock, tents don't.

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Hotels has doors that lock, tents don't.

 

How does that matter, unless you're implying a co-worker would sneak into her tent and rape her?

 

Or do you think she would just say, "Oh well, you snuck into my tent, so why not have sex?"

 

Locks make absolutely no difference if a person wants or doesn't want to cheat. She could invite someone into her hotel room or bring him with her. She can scream her head off in a tent if someone sneaks in and everyone in the other tents can hear.

 

Again, if a person has no interest or desire to cheat, it makes zero difference whether they are sleeping in a tent or hotel. If they are open to cheating, they can cheat anywhere.

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Camping usually means alcohol, alcohol means lessening of inhibitions. Combined with many possible suitors (most likely all of whom 'would' if they got the chance ;)), the opportunity of being away, and very lax, casual, easy access sleeping accommodations ....yeah. :eek:

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Grumpybutfun

These work camping trips are boring and fun free. I have no idea why you are so insecure in your relationship, but maybe it is time you and your wife sat down and had a little talk about that. People cheat, but to automatically assume cheating from a work related camping trip just seems immature and jaded. What is going on with you two that this would even be a thought? What insecurities are you nursing to make you so paranoid about something so trivial? I'm former military....I know what cheating asshats look like, but the accusations just do not match up with the data she gave you. Men and women work together all the time without having affairs. If she is cheater with a past or seems to have a crush on someone at her new job, you can worry but for just the idea of a work related camping trip to have her branded a possible cheater is just odd. What aren't you saying or sharing?

Best,

Grumps

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OP--you never answered the question, so I'll ask it again: has she ever given you the impression that she will cheat on you? Do you trust her?

 

I say you don't--because when you say "it's the guys I don't trust", then all you're saying is that you don't trust her judgement and ability to remember she's in a relationship with you if you're not there to keep an eye on her. Do you honest think she will forget and fall on top the the business end of some guy's johnson? If she's that kind of girl to begin with, why are you even wasting your time with someone like that? Seems to me you'd do yourself a huge favor by getting rid of people like that in your life, not twisting yourself up into a pretzel over something her company says she has to go do.

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I don't think i've ever heard of a company camping offsite retreat.

 

That being said, I wouldn't worry about it. You gotta trust her and honestly, the chances of something happening on a camping trip compared to an offsite at a resort are much lower. She wouldn't be able to pull off anything with any discretion on a camping trip vs. being in some guy's hotel room.

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I take it many of you guys don't know what goes on at camping trips. :p Even at kids summer camps, all the counselors do all night once the kids are asleep is drink and bone.

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Space Ritual
OP--you never answered the question, so I'll ask it again: has she ever given you the impression that she will cheat on you? Do you trust her?

 

I say you don't--because when you say "it's the guys I don't trust", then all you're saying is that you don't trust her judgement and ability to remember she's in a relationship with you if you're not there to keep an eye on her. Do you honest think she will forget and fall on top the the business end of some guy's johnson? If she's that kind of girl to begin with, why are you even wasting your time with someone like that? Seems to me you'd do yourself a huge favor by getting rid of people like that in your life, not twisting yourself up into a pretzel over something her company says she has to go do.

 

Agreed...regardless of the outcome of the camping trip, life is far too short to waste time in the midst of low drama and suspicion. If the OP is not comfortable with this then he can always extricate himself from the relationship. At this rate, there is provably nothing left to salvage whether nefarious activity ensues or not.

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Grumpybutfun

I go on sixteen to twenty a year for various Engineering firms and served twenty odd years in the military, so yeah, I do know.....and they are all snoozefests with no drinking and no boning and no shenanigans even though they are co-Ed. Summer camp counsellors are usually young adults. Most people in regular jobs for education and such are usually a bit older and are terrified of losing their jobs. Your camps sound fun @Jen1447. Unfortunately, the ones many of us attend are like watching paint dry. This camp this man describes for an educational field sounds like one of those snoozefest camps.

:laugh:

G

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