sweetpea01 Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 My bf made a comment in passing. I'd like to think he didnt mean it, but it PISSED ME OFF. We were talking about cheating. He cheated on me a yr and a half ago, and we've been working it out, adn things have been going decently. So I say something about how I like to be a strong woman, and how I've grown stronger since dealing with all our issues. He's like,...yea...see I did you a favor when a I cheated. Okay...I absolutely exploded at that comment. I told him it was insensitive and waaaaaay overcrossing the line. To be joking about one of the absolutely most traumatic experiences in my life? He says he didnt mean it , that it came out wrong. I'm wondering if somewhere in his stupid head he thinks there's something good to cheating, or maybe it wasn't that bad? I mean, he did not do me any favors when I was at home while he was in bed with someone else. It's one thing to cheat, to truly regret your horrible mistake, and to vow to reform your ways... but I felt like that comment didnt have any remorse! Maybe I'm overreacting, but I just got out of the car, slammed the door and wont take his calls. It really makes me kind of sick to hear someone talk of cheating that way, it was so disrespectful...especially since he doesn't know what this betrayal is like. He has been leaving messages like crazy and he seems sorry, but I'm just kind of in disbelief right now. I havent reacted this bad to the cheating in so long...I guess maybe b/c he's been so understanding all this time, but I just really didnt like this. How would you handle this? Sweetpea Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Well that was just a sh*tty thing for him to say. You know only you know what kind of person he is.. but I will throw this out there (not that it makes it right) I'm willing to bet that every time the subject of his cheating comes up he feels extremely uncomfortable (and he should) and I'm willing to bet it is something he wishes he could bury and never have to discuss... so with that said.. is it possible that when he made that comment he was trying to make the situation "lighter" because he doesn't know how to deal with what he did to you as a person? Again... it isn't right, and I think it was a sh*tty thing to say... he certainly didn't help his cause. Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 I can see why you would have jumped all over him! But like Merin said, he probably WAS trying to make light of it. For a moment he felt some relief that you said you felt stronger in the relationship and as a person. Too bad he opened his mouth! Most likely he really does regret saying it. I guess the only thing to do is make sure he realizes how stupid he was (which he may already) and then let it pass. You don't want to keep bringing it up to make YOURSELF feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
MeanNewYorker Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Originally posted by sweetpea01 He's like,...yea...see I did you a favor when a I cheated. How would you handle this? Sweetpea I am a firm believer in making the guilty pay for their crime. I mean, the guy cheats on you, and you guys stay together, and you have to sustain all the pain and suffering, while he merely has fleeting guilt to deal with. Making light of a devastating experience can be a good way to cope for YOU not him. I think it's important that he trully understand what the experience has done to you, and you should do something that would make see it that way. May I recommend making out with his best friend? Originally posted by Merin2 and I'm willing to bet it is something he wishes he could bury and never have to discuss I'll take that bet Merin, there's no way he feels that way if he's throwing comments like that around. I am willing to bet if she didn't get so upset about the comment, he wouldn't even have thought it was a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetpea01 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Share Posted November 9, 2004 MeanNewYorker - you took the words right outta my mouth. I think I have every right to joke about it if I want, but he better not be making light of it. The person who gets cheated on deals with more than the cheater will EVER understand! I thnk he was in the middle of another sentence (probably just as stupid) but I cut him off b/c I got upset. I hate it that they think it goes away...just cause i may not be mad every day doesnt mean I feel great about it. Link to post Share on other sites
MarilynMonroe Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 I've been cheated on too and I totally believe in making the other party feel guilty. I love to get even and I love to make sure the person knows that they screwed up a good thing. Honestly, if I were in your shoes and I knew for a fact that my man cheated... it would be O-V-E-R!!! But I think you should even the score and then make jokes about how your even... like go out and cheat and then just come home and yawn like you're just so tired and say... "Awww, I guess we're even now. Good nite!" and don't say anything else, but make sure it's obvious that you were out being naughty.... But if it were me, I'd do this and then break up with him within the next week. I have to get even before I break things off. That's what I would do, but if you're trying to work it out and don't want to break up with him... then don't do that cuz in all actuality, 2 wrongs don't make a right, but they sure do make me feel better... Link to post Share on other sites
katty Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 how the person that does something horrible trys to joke about it or make light of it. I guess what I am saying is I am sure he didn't mean for it to come out so cold, but he is trying to find something good that came out of it all. Who knows the good may be a stronger r/s now or not, but don't get pissed off about the comment. I really believe that the one that has been a total a-- has to say something to lighten the subject. I am close friends with one of my ex bfs and he use to make comments like that and one night he explained to me (of course he was drunk, during this confession) that he had to say stuff about his treating me bad made me stronger, etc. b/c it was the only way he could face cheating on the one person who truly loved him. blah blah. Just a little opinion or thought if you do decide to take him back please make sure that all of these cheating issues are addressed before reconciling and then the hardest part but one of the most important parts of reconciling is get past the past mistakes and move to a new future where each of you have dealt with the past. Just my 2 cents. Kat Link to post Share on other sites
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