Cricket96 Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 My boyfriend's "good" friend is coming back to visit. She graduated at the same college we did, but she had to go back to her country because she was a foreign exchange student. I don't know this girl, because me and my guy got together after college (we were friends back then.) So now this girl is coming to visit on the weekend of my birthday. They share this special friendship. She grew to like him as something more. She even wanted him to kiss her one time when they were at the beach late one night talking about life underneath the stars. Even on her last day here, she admitted to him that she would've dated him if it wasn't for his many family obligations and such. His then-gf went to college hundreds of miles away, so she was even jealous of him spending time with this "special" friend. He said he likes her, but wouldn't go further because he doesn't want to ruin the friendship, plus, she's way too outgoing for him (he doesn't have money to spend, etc, plus she doesn't live here in the States.) A lot of guys like her. They said she's cute/pretty, fun and adventurous. Now she's coming to visit and I'm feeling jealous because they have this special friendship. He told me that I should trust him and that the girl already knows he has a girlfriend (which is me.) I said I don't trust her because she tried to kiss him while he was dating his first girlfriend. Duh..... Now they proclaimed their "just friends," but I don't know. I keep on thinking what if on our wedding day, she decides to kiss him?? Gosh, even on her last day here she admited his feelings to him. He shrugged it off though, but he still considers this girl a special friend. He thinks I'm overeacting. Why wouldn't I if she wanted to kiss him? Opinions please? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly10340 Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Ok ok, anything that has the word "special" in front of the friend sounds weird. We all know what "special" friends are for. Does he call her his special friend. What's so special about her? I don't think you're overreacting. I mean, she tried to kiss him and the fact that he was taken didn't make her restrain herself. Of course you should be upset. Maybe you should just see how they react towards each other when she comes back. If there is something going on I bet you'd be able to tell. But make it obvious that he is taken. Make your presence known. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 He said he likes her, but wouldn't go further because he doesn't want to ruin the friendship, WHAT? He told his current girlfriend that he likes one of his friends but he wouldn't go further because he doesn't want to ruin the friendship? Is that the only thing keeping from going further with her? How about his undying love for you being the reason? Hell naw. Abort ship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 Actually, the almost kiss happened when he was on-and-off with his first girlfriend. I won't be able to see them together because I have other plans that day. He said he's not going to meet her this time because he has to study for a major exam. My question is, what about NEXT time?? I was talking to my friend about this and she said the exact same thing happened when she dated her first boyfriend. Her boyfriend ended up cheating on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Your BF has a very close girl friend. Lovely- he can respect a woman w/out sleeping w/her. He refused to cheat on an on again off again GF- well your commitment should be even safer. He turned this girl down before- why would he reneg on that now? Do you think she's a glutton for punishment and wants to continue throwing herself at him every time he has a GF? If something was going to happen between them- don't you think they may have moved in when he DIDN'T have a GF? Friends of the opposite sex is not an oxymoron. Sometimes- a friend is just a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 Yeah, but she really likes him. Why doesn't he back away? He still continues to be there everytime she needs him. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Sure, a male and female can have a platonic friendship...but only if BOTH parties want it that way!!! Your bf may be content keeping it platonic, but she clearly is not. So I'm afraid this one doesn't fly, in my book. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 I would make sure you are included in all their meetings and just see how the react towards eachother. If there is a sexual vibe between them then I would worry. He sounds like he just adores her as a really good friend. If she has other intentions LET her have them!!! You can't control what she thinks/feels for your guy. Just make DAMN sure SHE knows HIS IS with YOU and not HER. She could just be a real flirty type and love the attention. Talk to him about your fears, make him understand how it makes you feel. Ask him how HE would feel if the situation was reversed. Bet your ass he would feel the exactly the same way!!! Probably wouldn't admit it, but I think he would. Maybe too, talk to her and get to know her one on one. Tell her, "Gee my boyfriend thinks the world of you and its' really good you're here!! I am looking forward to getting to know you!!" Maybe it won't be as bad as you think! Anyways, just afew suggestions for you to think about. I do hope it works out and let us know how it goes!! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 You're stuck my friend!Very stuck! You cannot do a thing 'cause you'll be the "freaking controlling gf". Solemate is right. A friendship implies 2 people. So does a relationship. Only a whole lot more of communication. My feeling is that he's waiting to see what happenes. He's checking his possibilities,like it or not. You have every right to feel uncomfortable. Wait to see wha happenes. At her first wrong move, demand explinations. Why don't you set out rules and why why why don't you talk more about yourselves and about her? It will make you feel less insecure. MAybe she's not a threat at all... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 He says he doesn't want to pursue her and sees her strictly as a friend that was why he never made a move on her. He does adore her as a friend though. She's attracted to him though and loves his attention/friendship/etc. It just bugs me to think that they almost kissed and that she is that "special" person in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 maybe it's just me, but i have a feeling this "almost kiss" wasn't so "almost" Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 I would be wary about this situation... This happened to me. My boyfriend at the time (this was years ago) was having his best female friend fly in from Texas to visit him. I wasn't too jealous at first but became very upset that he didn't want me going to the airport with him to pick her up. I made a scene about that which was bad because he used that as a excuse to totally shut me out and used that to spend tons of time with her. I eventually met her during her stay, she was here for a week, and just made my presence known. My boyfriend at the time, denied ever doing anything with her even after I asked him many times after she left. Finally, he admitted that they had kissed and one night she was planning to sleep over his house. The sleep over never happened because she got jealous of MY presence. Anyway, we're not together today. If there is anyway you can change your plans to be able to spend the day with them? That would be ideal. Mention changing your plans so you can spend the day with them and see what his reaction is. If he doesn't seem cracked up about the whole deal then be cautious. If he is totally cool with you tagging along, then I wouldn't worry as much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 I'm celebrating my birthday w/ some friends that night he planned to have dinner w/ her (and some friends...that's what he said, but the girl wanted to do something else...) Anyway, the reason why my boyfriend isn't invited to my early birthday celebration is because my best friend is throwing it and my best friend & him had some issues back when we were in college. Something that made her held the grudge this long (long story...), but he tried to apologize many times (but that's another story.) Anyhow, so when he said that he was planning to meet up w/ his special friend on Saturday, I was like you don't want me to meet her? She was dying to meet me though. I guess to see if I'm good enough for him or something. He said, "No, that wasn't my intention." Has has a major exam to study for so he thought he could study Sunday all day and save Saturday night to hang w/ that girl and some friends. But knowing her, she would take time out and go to lunch w/ him alone to catch up or something. I'm have a major exam that Saturday morning too, but I am free in the afternoon. He said he's not sure about her schedule which is the truth. I believe what he says, but I'm just afraid something may happen because he already thinks she's beautiful/cute/smart/etc. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Keep a line of communication open, but don't push it too hard. That will just p*ss him off and he'll shut down on you. Just tell him how much it will HURT you if he does infact do something 'stupid' with this special friend of his. And make sure he KNOWS and I mean KNOWS that if he does kiss/fool around or do ANYTHING with her, You are GONE and outta the relationship. That will stop and make him think!! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 everything about this screams WEIRD to me. maybe you should plan on hanging out with a "special" guy friend. things are very different when the tables are turned. and she wants to meet you to find out if you're "good enough for him"??? i think that's for your boyfriend to decide. who the he11 does she think she is?!?! ew. i think you should be deciding whether you need to be a part of this platonic/love/confusion triangle. something is definitely not right about this. there are red flags all over the place. this girl is already annoying and presenting a problem, and i don't even have to be around her! i think it's great that you're being supportive of your boyfriend having friends, that's very mature. but this one? this is one is going to be a problem for you. and i think she's trying to be. Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 my ex had a few good male friends who were also my buddies too...then she ran away with one of them... ok bad example Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 Do you guys live together? And is she staying at his place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 No we don't live together. He actually talked to another one of our good friends last night and finally got this thing resolved in his head. He didn't realize he wasn't respecting me when he did what he wanted to go regardless of how I felt. He apologized and will arrange for group meetings w/ this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 So where is she staying? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 Maybe at another friend's house. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 I am glad you guys got everything squared away!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 Thanks for the reponses, everyone. I would've left him if he thought I was being complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 good for you, cricket. i am glad you feel better. i hope everything works out okay. and i hope this girl gets her own freaking life. i don't care what anyone says, i still don't like her! good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted October 6, 2004 Share Posted October 6, 2004 The only thing you CAN do without looking like a jealous woman----Control only how you react to this situation. I'd be totally UNAVAILABLE right now... And continue to be unavailable for the next month---no contact and do not answer his emails or calls. Disappear. Put the ball in his court and let him decide what he wants. How old are you "all?" Netalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cricket96 Posted October 6, 2004 Author Share Posted October 6, 2004 We're both 25. Link to post Share on other sites
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