Should I tell him?

[Sammmmm]

Basically me and my boyfriend have been going out for 2 years now. We had a big argument about 5 weeks ago. We almost broke up, it was horrible. A few days after I went to my Christmas staff party got stupidly drunk and a group of us after the party went back to a lad who works in a different section of the store, a lad who I have never spoken to before, his house. Me and him were speaking in the kitchen alone, and then he kissed me and I let him. It lasted no longer than a few seconds and as soon as I realised what I had done I stopped it and nothing else happened. I don't know how it happened. I've never wanted anyone else or thought about anyone else. Even on that night I did had no intention of kissing anyone. Obviously my relationship wasn't perfect at the time as we had argued but there was no excuse for what I let happen. I feel like the worst person in the world. I'm more than disappointed in myself. I hate myself for it.

 

At first I decided I wasn't going to tell him straight away as we had only argued a few days previous. But now we are so happy together we had the best christmas and new year together, I've never wanted to be with someone so much in all my life. But now I can't eat or sleep because of the guilt.

 

If I tell him he could end it between us which is what I don't want. But I think he deserves to know. But I am so scared to loose him. Obviously I know I should of been thinking about that when I let the kiss happen. But I wasn't thinking at all, I know I am in the wrong and I've made a horrible mistake. I'm hoping he forgives me because in the past (first 8 months of our relationship) he hurt me by texting a girl mate of his really inappropriately he didn't cheat but it did hurt me and he did make a mistake, It did loose a little bit of my trust in him. But he has gained it back. So I'm hoping with him making a mistake he might forgive me.

 

Oh I don't want to loose him? But this guilt is killing me. I want to be so honest with him but I don't want to loose him. It was 1 mistake and I know I will never ever do anything to hurt him again. So should I tell him and risk loosing him forever? or should I never tell him and live with the guilt even though I'm not sure I can. I don't want to hurt him

 

and please no nasty comments obviously I know I'm in the wrong!

[aliveagain]

If you want your relationship to work, don't lie, tell him the truth than find out why you allowed it to happen.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think you need to volunteer this info. Somebody kissed you. Granted you didn't stop it before it started but you didn't start it either & after a few seconds you did stop it. It's not like you had this huge makeout session with another guy or worse slept with him.

 

 

If you BF straight up asks, of course tell the truth but don't volunteer the info.

 

 

Unlike the cheaters that go out looking for a substitute, this sort of fell in your lap. Going forward avoid being alone with men you don't know well after you have been drinking but really there's not much to tell. Forget it. Act like it never happened. Don't do it again. But move forward.

 

 

If you do tell him, I bet he will think you are lying about the kiss & think that you really had sex with the other guy & this will all be a big mess.

Edited January 6, 2014 by d0nnivain

[mwtzzz]

I feel like the worst person in the world. I'm more than disappointed in myself. I hate myself for it.

 

Learn from the experience so as to conduct yourself better (ie be true to yourself) next time around.

 

Regarding whether you should tell your boyfriend, I say yes. First of all, honesty is the best policy for any relationship, and secondly because it will be an opportunity to clear up these feelings of yours and also to clarify your relationship with your boyfriend.

 

If I tell him he could end it between us which is what I don't want. But I think he deserves to know. But I am so scared to loose him.

 

Doubtful that you'll lose him. It was just a kiss, right, nothing more? It was a kiss when you were drunk, so possibly your boyfriend will ask that you be more careful the next time you drink and not drink so much?

 

Obviously I know I should of been thinking about that when I let the kiss happen. But I wasn't thinking at all,

This means: you drank too much

 

I know I am in the wrong and I've made a horrible mistake.

 

The only thing you did wrong was to drink too much. So next time limit yourself.

 

Oh I don't want to loose him? But this guilt is killing me. I want to be so honest with him but I don't want to loose him.

 

It's best to be honest and see what happens. If you start practicing honesty now, it will serve you in good stead down the line, whether it's with him or with other relationships you have in the future.

 

What you did in all truthfulness was fairly innocuous. I mean you didn't sleep with anyone, you didn't give the guy a BJ in the kitchen, or some other manner of nonsense. What you did (kiss) was pretty "innocent" in the scale of things.

 

I would also say you should take this opportunity to be truly honest with yourself. Analyze your feelings - why did you let the guy kiss you? Get to the bottom of it and accept the answer no matter what it may be.

Edited January 7, 2014 by mwtzzz