Falling in love with my boss

[floral321]

I will try and keep this short. This is something that has slowly started to take over my life, and even my personality!! I started working for my boss at the very beginning of this year, however was working in the same area as him for about a year before that. I work in a large firm, in an open plan office. I developed a crush quite quickly on him.

 

I distinctly remember noticing 'him' properly for the first time, about a year and a half ago, and I was literally staring at him from my desk, unaware of what I was doing, and he caught me blankly watching him! I realised what I had been doing and looked away. Back then, I knew I had some sort of crush on this man, but didn't think too much of it and just admired from a distance.

 

He is good looking, but not arrogantly so; but he is confident, vivacious, fair, controlled, and very intelligent, especially when it comes to interractions and resolving issues about subject matter. In fact, he is a bit like the duracellbunny, never lacks energy, always going one step ahead to get things done. He is known for being a nice guy and a bit of an OTT / workaholic.

 

Me, I am much more junior than him, but am 30, have my own experiences from my various work places, am intelligent, but do rely on his knowledge alot. I am quite laid back, expressive, outspoken, but respectful and sensitive in my own way.

 

He gives me alot of advice constantly, whether it be with writing emails, who I should speak to, what something means, nothing is ever too much for him. But then he is this way with everyone who needs his advice.

 

The thing is, when he moved to our small team about a year ago, and became my manager, I was all of the sudden spending a very large proportion of my day around him. Sitting next to him for almost a year, 7 or 8 hours a day (that excludes lunch), I have gotten to know him very well. There is one other lady in our team who is nearing retirement.

 

The first few months I worked with him, we clashed, and had quite a rough working relationship. He was exasperated with all of the new things he had to learn and fix, and was not too sensitive sometimes when under all this pressure, especially when it came to correcting things, pointing out mistakes, advising, etc. Some weeks I was left very upset, and it was the same for my colleague too!! But as the months wore on, he praised me more, became forgiving and much kinder, and we both responded back the same.

 

Probably half a year ago, when this positive working relationship change started to take place, I also began to notice that we had some sort of spark between us. It was at this period that I was single. There was something that made me nervous to be around him (which was, pretty much all of the time!!) and him around me too, I noticed. Spilling drinks, stuttering, forgetting what he was about to say, lingering stares, gentle compassionate light conversation when he never did this with anyone else, being protective over me when others made my life difficult, just a look of love from him sometimes! If he ever touched my arm, or our hands touched, there was an unbelieveable spark which I felt. He would never refer to his home life and nor I.

 

This went on for a few months, and then during the summer holidays we both went on holiday with our respective partners (at different times) and spent almost a month apart. Yes, I got back with my ex.

 

I distinctly remember walking back into the office when it was his first day back, and his smile at seeing me, almost regretful, almost saying "I missed you", just summed up how I had been feeling too.

 

Since then, I get the feeling his home life has improved. However, for the last few months, the flirting started up again, both equally, but in a more controlled sense. Now he talks about his wife and child much more, and has lessened the physical contact with me. Instead, transferring it onto the other older lady, and teasing her instead, sometimes markedly leaving me out! But still, he stares at me, gets nervous around me (especially if he accidentally brushes my leg or we are sitting very close - which he does at his own will). He still gets me my tea just how i like it done, and spills the drink when he gives it to me. I still catch him on the odd occasion checking me out (my legs, my boobs), and when he talks to me, sometimes he is gazing at my hair, or looking all around my face. Sometimes, I am sitting at my desk and feel him watching me, say if someone has come over to him for discussion. He watches my face and it literally makes me glow with happiness. Just a smile from him, the type he only gives to me, is enough to make my day.

 

If he is dealing with a particularly difficult colleague on the phone, he was make funny gestures to me, bang his head against the desk etc, ask daft. He never does this with anyone else. If he is teasing our colleague, he will wink at me (to the point where she said once "what is there something wrong with your eye or something?").

 

Last week we were working alone and got on very nicely and had a pleasant day. But it was almost as if the adrenaline we got from eachother was making us both high with enjoyment. He even made silly mistakes like writing my name by accident when he meant to write something else... which was awkward.. and going to get us both drinks but then forgetting mine, bumping into chairs lol.

 

When we've had a particularly fun day, laughing lots, dealing with problems together, I will catch him just smiling at me for no reason. When I am on my way home, and he happens to be away from his desk near the lifts too, he will not hide his smile, and I will smile right back.

 

A few weeks ago, on a Friday (when we are naturally so close from the whole week spent in each others presence) we were sitting talking, both of us swinging from side to side in our swivel chairs, mirroring eachother exactly, and our conversation (about work, as normal) gradually came to a halt and we were just sitting there, staring into eachothers eyes with absolute desire for about 3 or 4 seconds.

 

He cares about me too. He will make sure I am OK in all situations. He will ask me if I would prefer him to speak to difficult people, offer to help when he senses that I am stressed, advise me to take a break, and all with that loving, kindness that he does not really show to anyone else.

 

Don't get me wrong, he makes an effort with everyone he speaks to, but it is in the usual manner he is, nothing different or particularly personal towards them.

 

Thing is, because of other people around us, it's got to be restrained. He is intensely dedicated to his job and would never jeapordise either or our positions. I think the initial excitement half a year ago was not so self aware, now we are much more aware of it.

 

He has often tried to start conversations with me about trivial things, but i get so nervous and really cannot carry these conversations very well! I am so conscious of everyone around us listening in the open plan office, and know that I am *possibly* seen as attractive (I have many compliments, and am somewhat self aware, but please don't take it arrogantly). It therefore seems like the cliche young woman, slightly older man flirting thing, with me being the obvious blonde bimbo! To add to this, women have found it difficult to work with him previously due to his very energetic behaviour and intensity of getting things done (there and then!). When he first moved, people assumed we would never get on. But, it is obvious to everyone how well we do get on... we laugh heartily, we joke, we act like idiots sometimes (before cooling it off a bit)... and others have commented, although not nastily.

 

I am not the type of person to restrict my own happiness for the sake of not being the object of gossip - been there done that, and it's not the end of the world for me. Above all, my work is what shines through. I also know that I probably won't be here for more than 6 months longer... due to moving house. (Which is something I am just not thinking about).

 

Now for the past month or so it has gotten to the point where I can't sleep, I think about him constantly. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and when I go to bed. I don't think it is just an infatuation, as there are aspects of his personality that appeal to me on a very deep level. But I do make an intense effort to be always looking my best, and wear delicious scented perfume. I notice that he wears a nice scent too.

 

Last night when i left the office, it was getting late and we were the only ones in (apart from the higher boss) and he said at the end, when i was infact packing up, "I think it's time for you to leave...". I was helping him with something he had asked my help on and that had then finished. It was intensley awkward as my computer was having trouble shutting down. I felt somewhat uncomfortable looking like i had wanted to stay. I very calmly and politely told him to have a nice weekend as i was leaving, after having put my coat on, and he looked up at me, blinking at a hundred times a second, said "You too". It was strange. I also noticed that he has taken up smoking again.

 

I am just so stuck as to what to do. I know that life is short and this sort of thing does not come around often. We both know this "thing" is there but what now? We both have our respective, separate lives, even if not 100% happy, so we are both fairly tied down. He is late 30's and has a child. I know that he is married to his childhood/late teenhood sweetheart. Many times he has mentioned things which suggest that there are rocky times and nothing is really very rosy, but he would never disparage her. I don't kid myself that I would compare to that type of relationship (at this point between us) at all. But I also get the feeling that this is a fairly new experience for both of us.

 

I somehow believe that if nothing happens now, then it will do in the future, maybe 5 or 10 years down the line. As it is, nothing can ever happen (on a serious level) while we are working together. I know this. He knows this. He knows I will be leaving next year too, and it is also likely that our teams get changed again.

 

I will try and concentrate on my own relationship... I have tried and am still trying..... but I can't deny my other feelings that I have for my boss.

 

My earlier dilemma of whether he is attracted to me has now turned into "how much?". Drawing from this answer, should I try and keep contact details when I leave? And then hold onto them for the future? Whatever happens, my feelings are not about to fade any time fast no matter what I do.

[Grumpybutfun]

Please go in on the infidelity threads and the OW/OM threads and read them carefully. This sounds like every other affair that has ever started...it will not end well if you pursue each other to the detriment of his job and marriage and your job and relationship with bf. Place boundaries and tell yourself that married men and bosses are off limits.

Do not go there,

Grumps

 

p.s. You do not love him, you lust him. If you loved him you would do whatever you had to make sure you didn't destroy his family.

[ExpatInItaly]

I will try and keep this short. This is something that has slowly started to take over my life, and even my personality!! I started working for my boss at the very beginning of this year, however was working in the same area as him for about a year before that. I work in a large firm, in an open plan office. I developed a crush quite quickly on him.

 

I distinctly remember noticing 'him' properly for the first time, about a year and a half ago, and I was literally staring at him from my desk, unaware of what I was doing, and he caught me blankly watching him! I realised what I had been doing and looked away. Back then, I knew I had some sort of crush on this man, but didn't think too much of it and just admired from a distance.

 

He is good looking, but not arrogantly so; but he is confident, vivacious, fair, controlled, and very intelligent, especially when it comes to interractions and resolving issues about subject matter. In fact, he is a bit like the duracellbunny, never lacks energy, always going one step ahead to get things done. He is known for being a nice guy and a bit of an OTT / workaholic.

 

Me, I am much more junior than him, but am 30, have my own experiences from my various work places, am intelligent, but do rely on his knowledge alot. I am quite laid back, expressive, outspoken, but respectful and sensitive in my own way.

 

He gives me alot of advice constantly, whether it be with writing emails, who I should speak to, what something means, nothing is ever too much for him. But then he is this way with everyone who needs his advice.

 

The thing is, when he moved to our small team about a year ago, and became my manager, I was all of the sudden spending a very large proportion of my day around him. Sitting next to him for almost a year, 7 or 8 hours a day (that excludes lunch), I have gotten to know him very well. There is one other lady in our team who is nearing retirement.

 

The first few months I worked with him, we clashed, and had quite a rough working relationship. He was exasperated with all of the new things he had to learn and fix, and was not too sensitive sometimes when under all this pressure, especially when it came to correcting things, pointing out mistakes, advising, etc. Some weeks I was left very upset, and it was the same for my colleague too!! But as the months wore on, he praised me more, became forgiving and much kinder, and we both responded back the same.

 

Probably half a year ago, when this positive working relationship change started to take place, I also began to notice that we had some sort of spark between us. It was at this period that I was single. There was something that made me nervous to be around him (which was, pretty much all of the time!!) and him around me too, I noticed. Spilling drinks, stuttering, forgetting what he was about to say, lingering stares, gentle compassionate light conversation when he never did this with anyone else, being protective over me when others made my life difficult, just a look of love from him sometimes! If he ever touched my arm, or our hands touched, there was an unbelieveable spark which I felt. He would never refer to his home life and nor I.

 

This went on for a few months, and then during the summer holidays we both went on holiday with our respective partners (at different times) and spent almost a month apart. Yes, I got back with my ex.

 

I distinctly remember walking back into the office when it was his first day back, and his smile at seeing me, almost regretful, almost saying "I missed you", just summed up how I had been feeling too.

 

Since then, I get the feeling his home life has improved. However, for the last few months, the flirting started up again, both equally, but in a more controlled sense. Now he talks about his wife and child much more, and has lessened the physical contact with me. Instead, transferring it onto the other older lady, and teasing her instead, sometimes markedly leaving me out! But still, he stares at me, gets nervous around me (especially if he accidentally brushes my leg or we are sitting very close - which he does at his own will). He still gets me my tea just how i like it done, and spills the drink when he gives it to me. I still catch him on the odd occasion checking me out (my legs, my boobs), and when he talks to me, sometimes he is gazing at my hair, or looking all around my face. Sometimes, I am sitting at my desk and feel him watching me, say if someone has come over to him for discussion. He watches my face and it literally makes me glow with happiness. Just a smile from him, the type he only gives to me, is enough to make my day.

 

If he is dealing with a particularly difficult colleague on the phone, he was make funny gestures to me, bang his head against the desk etc, ask daft. He never does this with anyone else. If he is teasing our colleague, he will wink at me (to the point where she said once "what is there something wrong with your eye or something?").

 

Last week we were working alone and got on very nicely and had a pleasant day. But it was almost as if the adrenaline we got from eachother was making us both high with enjoyment. He even made silly mistakes like writing my name by accident when he meant to write something else... which was awkward.. and going to get us both drinks but then forgetting mine, bumping into chairs lol.

 

When we've had a particularly fun day, laughing lots, dealing with problems together, I will catch him just smiling at me for no reason. When I am on my way home, and he happens to be away from his desk near the lifts too, he will not hide his smile, and I will smile right back.

 

A few weeks ago, on a Friday (when we are naturally so close from the whole week spent in each others presence) we were sitting talking, both of us swinging from side to side in our swivel chairs, mirroring eachother exactly, and our conversation (about work, as normal) gradually came to a halt and we were just sitting there, staring into eachothers eyes with absolute desire for about 3 or 4 seconds.

 

He cares about me too. He will make sure I am OK in all situations. He will ask me if I would prefer him to speak to difficult people, offer to help when he senses that I am stressed, advise me to take a break, and all with that loving, kindness that he does not really show to anyone else.

 

Don't get me wrong, he makes an effort with everyone he speaks to, but it is in the usual manner he is, nothing different or particularly personal towards them.

 

Thing is, because of other people around us, it's got to be restrained. He is intensely dedicated to his job and would never jeapordise either or our positions. I think the initial excitement half a year ago was not so self aware, now we are much more aware of it.

 

He has often tried to start conversations with me about trivial things, but i get so nervous and really cannot carry these conversations very well! I am so conscious of everyone around us listening in the open plan office, and know that I am *possibly* seen as attractive (I have many compliments, and am somewhat self aware, but please don't take it arrogantly). It therefore seems like the cliche young woman, slightly older man flirting thing, with me being the obvious blonde bimbo! To add to this, women have found it difficult to work with him previously due to his very energetic behaviour and intensity of getting things done (there and then!). When he first moved, people assumed we would never get on. But, it is obvious to everyone how well we do get on... we laugh heartily, we joke, we act like idiots sometimes (before cooling it off a bit)... and others have commented, although not nastily.

 

I am not the type of person to restrict my own happiness for the sake of not being the object of gossip - been there done that, and it's not the end of the world for me. Above all, my work is what shines through. I also know that I probably won't be here for more than 6 months longer... due to moving house. (Which is something I am just not thinking about).

 

Now for the past month or so it has gotten to the point where I can't sleep, I think about him constantly. He is the first thing I think about when I wake up and when I go to bed. I don't think it is just an infatuation, as there are aspects of his personality that appeal to me on a very deep level. But I do make an intense effort to be always looking my best, and wear delicious scented perfume. I notice that he wears a nice scent too.

 

Last night when i left the office, it was getting late and we were the only ones in (apart from the higher boss) and he said at the end, when i was infact packing up, "I think it's time for you to leave...". I was helping him with something he had asked my help on and that had then finished. It was intensley awkward as my computer was having trouble shutting down. I felt somewhat uncomfortable looking like i had wanted to stay. I very calmly and politely told him to have a nice weekend as i was leaving, after having put my coat on, and he looked up at me, blinking at a hundred times a second, said "You too". It was strange. I also noticed that he has taken up smoking again.

 

I am just so stuck as to what to do. I know that life is short and this sort of thing does not come around often. We both know this "thing" is there but what now? We both have our respective, separate lives, even if not 100% happy, so we are both fairly tied down. He is late 30's and has a child. I know that he is married to his childhood/late teenhood sweetheart. Many times he has mentioned things which suggest that there are rocky times and nothing is really very rosy, but he would never disparage her. I don't kid myself that I would compare to that type of relationship (at this point between us) at all. But I also get the feeling that this is a fairly new experience for both of us.

 

I somehow believe that if nothing happens now, then it will do in the future, maybe 5 or 10 years down the line. As it is, nothing can ever happen (on a serious level) while we are working together. I know this. He knows this. He knows I will be leaving next year too, and it is also likely that our teams get changed again.

 

I will try and concentrate on my own relationship... I have tried and am still trying..... but I can't deny my other feelings that I have for my boss.

 

My earlier dilemma of whether he is attracted to me has now turned into "how much?". Drawing from this answer, should I try and keep contact details when I leave? And then hold onto them for the future? Whatever happens, my feelings are not about to fade any time fast no matter what I do.

 

He is married. Step off. Done.

[aliveagain]

Walk face first into a wall, that's just a taste of what the train wreck will feel like. The guilt of destroying a family is harder to get over. You are not stupid so why are you acting like it? Work on your boundaries and respect them.

[Mascara]

That was all a very very long way of saying "my boss fancies me, what should I do"

 

It's ok. We believe he's attracted to you.... you don't need all the paragraphs.

 

And as for that second part.... you do nothing. He's married.

 

There is absolutely nothing you have written that justifies any action whatsoever beyond "leave him alone".

[truth_seeker]

"I will try and keep this short."

 

No you won't. Sweet Jesus.

 

No need to get on the girl. She needs to vent and sort out her thoughts. She has caught feelings for a man she shouldn't have any feelings for... I also think the boss is feeling an attraction towards her and from his behavior has a crush but is trying to avoid any temptation to act on it.

 

OP - start looking for a new job or request a transfer to another department away from this man.