Erratic Echo Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Okay, this is my first visit and post here- I've really enjoyed reading everything posted here thus far. I am utterly conflicted and whatever advice, words of wisdom, or simple opinion you guys & gals have to offer would be very consoling right now... I have been with my boyfriend for two years. We do not live with each other, but I spend about half of the week staying at his place. Anyway, about two months ago, I was looking for a photo CD and found a romantic card from a woman. It included things like "Hey Sexy,..I'm so glad we met...I love our late nite talks and emails..". I thought I was going to throw up. When he came home, I calmly confronted him about it, and he said he'd met her at a convention and that they had only spoken a couple of times, and that was it. I was hurt, but I let it go. A couple of weeks later, her number was on his phone as a recent call. I must add that I had NEVER looked at his phone prior to this (he freaked out the one time I picked it up while ringing to bring it to him!-Guess I now know why) but once my trust had been betrayed, I did need to look. I later found out through phone bills that it had been going on for almost a year, and that he would talk to me at night, and then say he was tired, and talked to her until midnight. I also found 3 subscriptions he had paid for to online dating services. This past Friday, I checked his voicemail for the first time and the very first message was from a young-sounding female, and she knew the very details of his weekend plans(minus me), and was very flirtatious. I have confronted him with all this info, and he finally admitted to it. At this point, I am leaning towards going my own way and cutting my losses. Obviously, I'm hurting because all this time, he constantly talked of our future, getting married, having children, etc. He is also very upset, and is pleading with me not to end things. He says no one has ever loved him like I have, and (old line) he needs me in his life. I think the thing that people don't really address very often is the sense of loss. I look back now on all of our special times and holidays and the words professed respectively; and it seems ingenuine now. He is my best friend, and we get along wonderfully in every aspect. I hate that this has turned me into a snoop, and I am not sure (if we stayed tgether) that I would ever truly trust him. He says he was busy looking all around when the most important thing was right in front of him.. What's a broken-hearted girl to do??? Thanks for the responses...in advance Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Originally posted by Erratic Echo I have confronted him with all this info, and he finally admitted to it. At this point, I am leaning towards going my own way and cutting my losses. Obviously, I'm hurting because all this time, he constantly talked of our future, getting married, having children, etc. He is also very upset, and is pleading with me not to end things. He says no one has ever loved him like I have, and (old line) he needs me in his life. I think you are right in cutting your losses. Your mind knows he's giving you a line, but your heart doesn't want to admit it. He's been deceitful all along, and would continue to be that way. He's only sorry that he got caught. I think the thing that people don't really address very often is the sense of loss. I look back now on all of our special times and holidays and the words professed respectively; and it seems ingenuine now. He is my best friend, and we get along wonderfully in every aspect. I hate that this has turned me into a snoop, and I am not sure (if we stayed tgether) that I would ever truly trust him. He says he was busy looking all around when the most important thing was right in front of him.. [color=red]classic "I've been caught" line! Don't fall for it! It is extremely rare that it is true. [/color] What's a broken-hearted girl to do??? ANY relationship that turns you into someone you don't like is NOT WORTH ANY MORE EFFORT. You'll spend some time looking back and hurting----that is natural. But time marches on and eventually you will look ahead and be okay, and most important YOU WILL RESPECT YOURSELF for your difficult and painful decision now. Dump him. He dumped you a long time ago---he just didn't tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Excellent reply Hokey!! I agree 100%. He is throwing you line its as simple as that. He got caught, thats all he is sorry for. Not only that, but you need to ask yourself do you want to continue being in a relationship where you feel you need to check on him or wonder if hes doing something else? Its not healthy. Cut all ties. I know you love him and care for him, and you can tell him that you do but that you can't live like that. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Hokey, you beat me to it! At this point, I am leaning towards going my own way and cutting my losses. Don't just lean, topple right over and do it! Obviously, I'm hurting because all this time, he constantly talked of our future, getting married, having children, etc. I sympathize deeply. This is truly painful. A small silver lining is that there are no children to be hurt and no finances to separate. You found out before you were in too deep. And keep in mind that once things are through with him, you still have a whole future ahead of you! Including marriage, kids, a loving relationship with someone who doesn't lie to you or two-time you. He is also very upset, and is pleading with me not to end things. He says no one has ever loved him like I have, and (old line) he needs me in his life. Yes, I'm sure that is the decision were made strictly based on HIS needs, you would hang around forever to live your life on his terms. There may be a real reason people haven't loved him - they find out sooner or later that he really isn't worthy of it. Like you just did... I look back now on all of our special times and holidays and the words professed respectively; and it seems insincere now. I don't think you need to paint it all black. No doubt there were some real feelings on both sides. People are weak and they do foolish things. Sometimes they are even so weak and foolish that you cannot be with them anymore! But it does not erase the happiness you had. That was real. Don't get me worng. You need to show this player the door, and fast. Only an insane woman could trust him now. Good luck, be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 Do you think that you will be able to cut all ties and leave him? That's the best thing for you, because since he's done it for a year, he'll most certainly do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
loves2much Posted July 13, 2004 Share Posted July 13, 2004 He says he was busy looking all around when the most important thing was right in front of him.. This is what my EX-boyfriend told me when i found out about him cheating on me. I stayed with him and i forgave him because i didn't want to leave all of those old memories and everything that we have been through. I didn't want to throw it all away. But in the end it needed to be over. I've been in this situation...just very, very recently...and its not worth it. Its not worth your broken heart. I know from personal experiences. I loved him and he just continually hurt me...i finally decided (after posting here) that it needed to be over. He cheated once he will again....."once a cheater always a cheater" i think its very true... Someone said to me when i posted on here about being cheated on...How are you going to be able to trust him again...i couldn't do it....if you don't have trust...you don't have a relationship!! Link to post Share on other sites
lostinlove0479 Posted July 15, 2004 Share Posted July 15, 2004 OH MY GOD! Is there a guide that these bastards read this shyt from. Your guy sounds alot like a clone of mine. The same things I was told. While he's telling the same manipulative lines to someone else and possibly may be running these lines on another innocent soul. Girl, this is making me mad. I look now and see that I was a sucker for love. I'm totally thru with men. Well, at least til I see the next cute one. Why us? I could never cheat on a man, when I love, I love one and only one at a time. I have to remind myself that I will make some good man happy and he will make me happy. I believe that God will repay us for persevering thru such a difficult time. I have to agree with the entry before this one that says, "...he dumped you a long time ago." I think that was the most repulsive thoughts I had. That he used my heart forhis own selfish wants and needs, not even thinking about the woman sitting in love thinking of him. We deserve more. We deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erratic Echo Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Hey Everyone, I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone for their comments and advice on my post "Sitting on the Fence of Trust". After all that, I was still proceeding cautiously with him, and turns out that, yes, he had stopped talking to the other woman, emailing all the online women, advertising his singlehood on dating sites, only to start things up with someone new. This was after an excruciating breakdown of emotions I had while confronting him the first time. He promised he could never hurt me like that again. Well, I guess that was too difficult. He told me after the second "discovery" that he could not let me go, he just needed time to sort things out in his life. He is 36 years old, and if you haven't figured out what you want in your life by then (let alone being with someone for two years) then best of luck, and take care. I am 24 years old, so I still have a lot of time to find Mr. Right, and I am looking forward to spending time alone and moving on with my life. And yes, I'm hurting pretty badly now, but I'm certainly not bitter. Well just an update and a "thank you" for everyone's advice Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Echo, I'm glad you cut your losses. You seem to be adjusting very well, and you're right in that something better will come along. For now, enjoy your freedom, be thankful that you no longer have to deal with his crap, and then forget about him. You're young and vibrant and shouldn't be wasting any tears on him. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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