NoFuxGiven Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Ugh. I feel so stupid! My BF and I were hanging out at my place today and his phone rang well he didn't answer and i got suspicious. I asked him who it was and he told me it was his brother and that he needed a ride somewhere. At first i didnt say anything and then a few minutes later it rang again. He rejected the call a second time and I immediately went off on him. I accused him of lying , saying that if it really was who he said it was then hewould'vee answered and he got real upset and got up and started putting his shoes on saying things like “I’m getting tired of THIS all the f****ing time. I don't even feel like hearing it today. I’m just going home” I didn't back down i was right behind him still talking **** and then MY phone rang and it was his brother calling my phone so i answered it and sure enough he asked for my BF and then he asked for a ride. I felt so bad. Because i tried telling myself that it was really nothing and not to sweat it but my jealousy got the best of me and i had to say SOMETHING. I apologized immediately and i told him that I am trying to work on my jealousy/insecurity issues and he still left!! Now he won't answer my calls or respond to my texts. What if i've pushed him into the arms of another woman?? I just want to explain to him how sorry i really am. This hurts me so bad and I feel very stupid. What should i do?? Should I keep trying to contact him?? Im about to get in my car and go over to his apartment. I need some advice before I make the wrong move. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 Pushed him into the arms of another woman , do you really follow that line of thinking? He's annoyed with your insecurity and constant accusations. Prepare to be dumped. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted August 3, 2013 Share Posted August 3, 2013 I was married to a woman who accused me of cheating on her countless times over 11 years. She would constantly hack into my email, FB and phone. The problem was, I never even came close. Take a guess at what ended up happening. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 I was married to a woman who accused me of cheating on her countless times over 11 years. She would constantly hack into my email, FB and phone. The problem was, I never even came close. Take a guess at what ended up happening. She cheated on you Link to post Share on other sites
Author NoFuxGiven Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 Thank you all for your honest advice. I know I will lose him if i dont change. And honestly I have been all talk and no action. I say I am going to handle my emotions differently but I don't. It's easier to just blame my actions on being pregnant than to have to deal with the real underlying issue. He called me that next morning and we got together and had a very serious talk. He told me that at first he thought it was kinda cute and flattering but then it became so frequent that it got annoying and if i keep it up i will eventually push him away. He also said that sometimes he feels like he cant even be completely honest about innocent things because i will turn it around and make it into something that its not so instead of just being upfront he will lie to avoid an argument. He said he really hated feeling that way because he feels that honesty is important in any relationship and he doesn't want to lie or hide things from me but he feels like he has no other choice sometimes. I say that's bulls**t. We're fine now but in the back of my mind i keep thinking if he will lie about small things he will lie about ANYTHING. And from now on when he tells me something I'm gonna wonder is he telling me the whole story or the lets-not-wake-the-psycho version. I really do love him and I feel like he cares for me. He tells me he loves me but I've started to doubt that too. I have went to a therapist once and she was no help at all only telling me that I'm bringing past issues into this relationship and it's wrecking it. Well DUH!! i know that. I need to know what to do about it. Telling me to just change the way i think isn't enough. How do i change the way i think? I need some steps....some guidelines...a cheat sheet. HOW TO OVERCOME JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY FOR DUMMIES would be great. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 You just need to cut it out, you will regret it if you dont he will ither leave you or very well may go off into the arms of someone else. Stop harrasing him its not fair to him at all. I have been cheated on before by a guy and I have never brought it into my relationships I look at it this way, give him trust 100% trust until he does cheat there's no reason not to, being crazy certainly isn't gonna stop him pior ither. I look at it like if someone cheats then, then you know your future book closed free pass to move on no questions, till then till he actually cheats stop torchering him, he will find a more confident girl to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
RonaldS Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 She cheated on you Haha, given that she was/is a total liar, I wouldn't doubt it. But to answer the original question, she became familiar with 'self fulfilling prophecy'. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetkiwi Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Haha, given that she was/is a total liar, I wouldn't doubt it. But to answer the original question, she became familiar with 'self fulfilling prophecy'. Oh..... you made her nightmare a reality. I get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Contemplating Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Oh..... you made her nightmare a reality. I get it. Such a lovely thing to do. Or maybe she was right all along. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss_Contemplating Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Well, I am not sure how you should apologize. But next time, you can just ask politely. Even is you don't believe him. Ask him to show it to you, and when he does thank him. Cause screaming and all that doesn't work ever at all. Maybe promise him next time you will be more polite, and talk and not scream. And try and explain why you did this, and why you won't in the future. Try and explain what causes your jealousy, and try and understand what caused him to get away. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 5, 2013 Share Posted August 5, 2013 Thank you all for your honest advice. I know I will lose him if i dont change. And honestly I have been all talk and no action. I say I am going to handle my emotions differently but I don't. It's easier to just blame my actions on being pregnant than to have to deal with the real underlying issue. He called me that next morning and we got together and had a very serious talk. He told me that at first he thought it was kinda cute and flattering but then it became so frequent that it got annoying and if i keep it up i will eventually push him away. He also said that sometimes he feels like he cant even be completely honest about innocent things because i will turn it around and make it into something that its not so instead of just being upfront he will lie to avoid an argument. He said he really hated feeling that way because he feels that honesty is important in any relationship and he doesn't want to lie or hide things from me but he feels like he has no other choice sometimes. I say that's bulls**t. We're fine now but in the back of my mind i keep thinking if he will lie about small things he will lie about ANYTHING. And from now on when he tells me something I'm gonna wonder is he telling me the whole story or the lets-not-wake-the-psycho version. I really do love him and I feel like he cares for me. He tells me he loves me but I've started to doubt that too. I have went to a therapist once and she was no help at all only telling me that I'm bringing past issues into this relationship and it's wrecking it. Well DUH!! i know that. I need to know what to do about it. Telling me to just change the way i think isn't enough. How do i change the way i think? I need some steps....some guidelines...a cheat sheet. HOW TO OVERCOME JEALOUSY AND INSECURITY FOR DUMMIES would be great. You know what IS bullsh*t? Assuming that he's always cheating on you and being a nightmare to live with. Hurling false accusations at him and making him feel like he can't be honest with you because you twist everything around and make him out to be the bad guy. You're all talk about trying to work on your issues, but no action? Don't be surprised if he's reached his limit with you. You say things are fine, but really? That kind of built-up resentment doesn't just disappear because you say you're sorry. I've been in your boyfriend's shoes. Is it right or okay to lie or hide things? No. But I know how it feels when you're constantly walking on eggshells and dealing with false accusations. It's exhausting. And it really did make me feel as though I had to hide things because my ex would somehow take the smallest, most innocuous detail and assume that it meant I was being unfaithful. Guess what finally happened? I DID dump his insecure, moody, hyper-jealous ass and found someone better. And I have no regrets. You need to stop this NOW, if it's not already too late. Link to post Share on other sites
mercuryshadow Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 It has clearly gotten to the point where you cannot use your pregnancy as an excuse for your jealousy and insecurity. That said, has your boyfriend (THIS ONE, not past) ever cheated on you or been overtly dishonest? If so, while your unease may be justified, sticking around in the midst of it is not. If you can't let something he did go, you need to let go of the relationship. However, if you are projecting past experiences onto this relationship, you are (subconsciously) recreating a pattern for yourself so you can keep yourself in a specific role. This is unfair to your current boyfriend if he never gave you cause to distrust him. Yes, a therapist is going to tell you that you are letting past issues inject toxicity into this relationship. If you keep seeing the therapist, a good one will help you to reframe your thinking in order to STOP the negative voices/thoughts from ruling you. You really need to give it more than just one session. Just because you are afraid of something does not make it a reality. You need to stop acting on that thought process. You know, I was in a very LT relationship with someone I KNEW I could not trust. He gave me every reason. And I stayed with him - that was MY fault. It kept me in a very emotionally unhealthy state for a long time. I knew nothing other than dealing with dishonesty, anxiety and insecurity for so long that I began to feel like it was normal. It's not. I could have stayed there, but I chose to move on. And now, I've allowed myself to have a very healthy, happy and trusting relationship with a man who deserves my trust. In hindsight, I cannot believe I kept myself in such a crappy situation for so long, but it all comes down to choice. And I didn't let my past experiences cast a shadow over my current relationship, and it has grown beautifully. You need to let your relationship breathe and grow... you are certainly planting way too many seeds of negativity and casting a very dark shadow over it. If you continue in this way, nothing good can come of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgil876 Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 You REALLY need some counselling... and I think he is sick of you. Also your screen name is... ironic. Link to post Share on other sites
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