Facebook Flirting

[MarkZ]

Hi all,

 

I've browsed but never posted..

 

I love my girlfriend. I have always trusted her but she has cheated on her ex boyfriends and I've never forgotten that. I know that she hasn't cheated on me up until now. However, I saw her computer on and checked her Facebook...she messaged some guy telling him that she thought about him on her drive home and that she missed him (after he said initiated contact and said that he missed her and wanted to catch up). Should I talk to her about it (obviously she would know that I looked at her Facebook) or just forget it?

 

I didn't have any reason to not trust her not cheating on me but I did not trust her because she had substance / alcohol abuse problems which sometimes resurface.

 

Thanks.

[gabby7986]

You should deff talk to her about it. Being in a relationship is about being open to talk to each other about anything. Buddy it sounds like she has another lover better get that fixed!

[Aries77]

You should deff talk to her about it. Being in a relationship is about being open to talk to each other about anything. Buddy it sounds like she has another lover better get that fixed!

 

It is not proven that she has "another lover."

 

Honestly, I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. She is probably just flirting. That is all. Personally, if it were me, I would be super-sneaky and not tell my girlfriend that I saw that. See if she messages him any more...see what happens. If she hasn't cheated with you, then you have no reason not to trust her. I would wait.

[StrangeBehaviors]

It's over. Quicker you end it, the better off you will be.

[seibert253]

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Sounds ike a little more than flirting to me. Maybe its time for a premptive strike. Call her out on it.

[StrangeBehaviors]

Go female on her.

 

You: I want to end things.

 

Her: What? Why!?!

 

You: You tell me why?

 

 

And state no other reason why. Stick to it no matter what.

[Leigh 87]

Sorry, she may care about you and really like you, but her actions are not something that occurs in normal, health individuals, who value their relationships.............

 

It is selfish and inconsiderate to tell other guys you miss them, when your in a comitted, long term relationship.

Look. No one here knows how she feels about you, but her actions are not appropriate in a relationship.

 

The bottom line is in a relationship, it is not appropriate to tell people you miss them and that your thinking about them.

[MarkZ]

Also..after checking Facebook, I looked at her phone and saw her texting someone. (ex boyfriend who she is good friends with...he lives in a different state) He asked her for a favor and kept saying "thanks love" and " LOVE YOU XO" She didn't reply with anything to any of those texts..still seems wrong to me.

 

Thanks to everyone who posted. Much appreciated.

[Aries77]

Also..after checking Facebook, I looked at her phone and saw her texting someone. (ex boyfriend who she is good friends with...he lives in a different state) He asked her for a favor and kept saying "thanks love" and " LOVE YOU XO"

 

Ooooooohhh...so it's not just happening on facebook. Whelp, maybe you should talk about it, then. That behavior IS inappropriate. If my boyfriend caught me doing that, he would have a fit. Yeah, I really don't think it's acceptable.

[jnj express]

Put a stop to it now---you have enuff to go to her and say---I know you are talking to other men, and the conversation is inappropriate---for someone in a committed relationship---tell her its "on her"---she either wants her relationship with you, or she wants to mess around with others----her choice

 

No matter what, do not let it get to the point where she really gets "into" him, cuz then you will have a major problem

 

Its like a 2 alarm fire, now vs. a 5 alarm fire, a little while down the line, it's not something you should allow.

[Shaun-Dro]

Hi all,

 

I've browsed but never posted..

 

I love my girlfriend. I have always trusted her but she has cheated on her ex boyfriends and I've never forgotten that. I know that she hasn't cheated on me up until now. However, I saw her computer on and checked her Facebook...she messaged some guy telling him that she thought about him on her drive home and that she missed him (after he said initiated contact and said that he missed her and wanted to catch up). Should I talk to her about it (obviously she would know that I looked at her Facebook) or just forget it?

 

I didn't have any reason to not trust her not cheating on me but I did not trust her because she had substance / alcohol abuse problems which sometimes resurface.

 

Thanks.

 

Once a cheater always a cheater, bro. And with her having drug-related problems, she's almost compelled to not have any control over it. Time to move on and flush her down the toilet.

[MarkZ]

Ooooooohhh...so it's not just happening on facebook. Whelp, maybe you should talk about it, then. That behavior IS inappropriate. If my boyfriend caught me doing that, he would have a fit. Yeah, I really don't think it's acceptable.

 

It is very inappropriate. I would never do that to someone I was with. I had a situation where a girl called me to hang out, etc with her at her apt and I told her that I wasn't up for that since I was with someone. I apologized and told her that it wouldn't be appropriate to do that even if it was just hanging out.

 

I just don't know how to approach her about this...I did look at her Facebook AND phone without permission. I never wanted to be this type of person and I'm really not. I hate snooping. When I confront her, I don't even know how to move forward...I don't know what to ask of her..I don't want to have to keep checking up on the person that I love.

 

Again, I really appreciate all of the helpful comments. Thanks guys.

[foralittlerespect]

It is very inappropriate. I would never do that to someone I was with. I had a situation where a girl called me to hang out, etc with her at her apt and I told her that I wasn't up for that since I was with someone. I apologized and told her that it wouldn't be appropriate to do that even if it was just hanging out.

 

I just don't know how to approach her about this...I did look at her Facebook AND phone without permission. I never wanted to be this type of person and I'm really not. I hate snooping. When I confront her, I don't even know how to move forward...I don't know what to ask of her..I don't want to have to keep checking up on the person that I love.

 

Again, I really appreciate all of the helpful comments. Thanks guys.

 

Bottom line: Her behavior is suspicious at best. I can understand having male friends (people of LOTS of different opinions and boundaries when it comes to opposite sex friends in relationships.)

 

BUT. The "Love you xo" thing...that's not something you should get from an "ex." I'm not saying that she's cheating on you, but I do find it disturbing that she's allowing men, whether they be exes or friends, to shower attention on her like this.

 

It sounds to me like you guys have different levels of maturity when it comes to relationships (Especially given her past of infidelity in relationships...) And especially for the fact that you declined an invite to hang out one on one with a female friend out of respect for her. She's not giving you this same respect because she might see it as "harmless."

 

But her past actions haven't been harmless...and I think she is at best dancing a little too close to the edge here. People who have a history of infidelity usually don't change their ways unless they are willing to change (by action, not words, and with commitment to choose differently and make amends for their past behavior.) She doesn't sound like she's willing to change.

 

My opinion? This would drive me crazy. I agree with you - being that close with opposite sex friends while in a committed relationship (or worse, an ex...), I feel, is very inappropriate. At the very least, OP, her behavior is making you suspicious, and if you aren't a jealous/paranoid/suspicious person normally, I think your gut is trying to tell you something. Don't ignore that.

 

Good luck.

[MarkZ]

Bottom line: Her behavior is suspicious at best. I can understand having male friends (people of LOTS of different opinions and boundaries when it comes to opposite sex friends in relationships.)

 

BUT. The "Love you xo" thing...that's not something you should get from an "ex." I'm not saying that she's cheating on you, but I do find it disturbing that she's allowing men, whether they be exes or friends, to shower attention on her like this.

 

It sounds to me like you guys have different levels of maturity when it comes to relationships (Especially given her past of infidelity in relationships...) And especially for the fact that you declined an invite to hang out one on one with a female friend out of respect for her. She's not giving you this same respect because she might see it as "harmless."

 

But her past actions haven't been harmless...and I think she is at best dancing a little too close to the edge here. People who have a history of infidelity usually don't change their ways unless they are willing to change (by action, not words, and with commitment to choose differently and make amends for their past behavior.) She doesn't sound like she's willing to change.

 

My opinion? This would drive me crazy. I agree with you - being that close with opposite sex friends while in a committed relationship (or worse, an ex...), I feel, is very inappropriate. At the very least, OP, her behavior is making you suspicious, and if you aren't a jealous/paranoid/suspicious person normally, I think your gut is trying to tell you something. Don't ignore that.

 

Good luck.

 

I don't mind her having male friends. I actually didn't mind that she was friends with this ex who lives in a different state..until I saw the messages being sent. She was a little jealous when I helped a female friend do something and when I ran into a female friend on the street while I was working.

 

I can't ignore it. It has been eating at me for a few days but I don't know how to approach the situation or how to resolve it. Thanks.

[foralittlerespect]

I don't mind her having male friends. I actually didn't mind that she was friends with this ex who lives in a different state..until I saw the messages being sent. She was a little jealous when I helped a female friend do something and when I ran into a female friend on the street while I was working.

 

I can't ignore it. It has been eating at me for a few days but I don't know how to approach the situation or how to resolve it. Thanks.

 

Sorry, OP, but I just find that weird. She is chatting up guys, telling them she misses them, and getting lovy-dovy texts from her ex, and she's jealous of a female you run into on the street? It sounds like for her, just you KNOWING another female is grounds for her to get jealous, and it's a huge double standard.