Coolchica94 Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 I'm a 19 year old girl, and this married man is in his mid-40's and is a friend of my parents. Tonight we were all at a party for my cousin, and this mans wife was there too. This man is a big flirt anyway, but he seems to like touching me a lot. Several times he put his arm around me, and one time he was trying to shove a grape into my mouth and I had to push his arm away. The biggest thing was that I was standing there with both my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, and he comes up from behind me and loops his arm through my arms. And he stays Iike that for awhile so I can't move my arms away. Whenever I tried to get him to let go, he gripped tighter as he was standing there talking to someone standing behind me. Then he actually takes me with his arm still looped through my arms behind my back and starts dragging me across the room. Then when I finally got him to let to, he starts tickling my sides. The whole time hes doing this, his wife is standing there watching, not saying anything. So I don't know what she thought of it. In addition to it being awkward for me, it also hurt because he basically had my arms pinned behind my back. And then later he was encouraging my mom to let me drink more wine, even though I'm not legally old enough yet. One time at church, he hit me on the butt with his briefcase as he walked by me. He and his wife have been married 30 years and he flirts with her a lot too, so I definitely don't think he's a cheater. But how do I make him stop touching me when I don't want him to? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Did you speak to your parents about this? Since he is a friend of theirs I think you should tell them and let them advise you on how to handle him. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 telling your mom and dad about it sounds like a good idea. I can tell you that if a 40 something year old man was hitting on my 19 year old daughter, said man would soon find himself on the wrong end of a very hard and heavy stick... your parents will be able to deal with him... he sounds like a lech Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 This is not flirting. This is sexual assault. The next time it happens, you say very loudly - so that everyone including his wife can hear - "Please stop touching me to inappropriately!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 I have had a conversation with a former friend about his interactions with my daughter. He wants to keep his nut sack intact. He is way out of line and was disrespectful to you and his wife. Speak to your parents as others have suggested. This is not flirting. This is sexual assault. The next time it happens, you say very loudly - so that everyone including his wife can hear - "Please stop touching me to inappropriately!" Absolutely spot on the above responses. OP, we are usually taught from a young age to respect our elders and to assume the best of someone. Sometimes that works to our determent in situations such as this. What he is doing, is not harmless and he is getting a thrill from touching you and he gets by with it because he does it out in the open because he is sly enough to think that no one would call him out on it and if they do he will defend himself by saying, Oh I'm just kidding around. It's BS......because he is getting his kicks from it and he knows it. Your gut is telling you that it's wrong, never ever refuse to listen to it. Learn to trust it and learn to not be nice when men like this touch you. Look him straight in the eye and ask him if he'd like to keep his balls in working order. Never be alone with him until you learn how to trust your gut and feel confident enough to put him in his place, (the gutter.) Link to post Share on other sites
Bellechica Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Definitely talk with your parents, but learn how to deal with men that behave this way because unfortunately he probably won't be the only lecherous guy you will come across in your life. Don't be alone with him and tell him to get his hands off of you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Tell him IF he touches you again you'll call the police. He's gross! I can't believe your parents didn't encourage you to hit him! Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 edit, read the question wrong Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 By not saying and doing Inge that show him it's unacceptable - he's now gotten the idea that he can touch you I appropriately and have no consequences. Best to say VERY loudly in front of everyone "YOU ARE BEING TERRIBLY INAPPROPRIATE SO STOP TOUCHING ME"!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 No, I don't think he was flirting with you; I think he was harassing you. Flirting is mild, pleasant and does not include unwelcome physical touching. This guy touches you in several different ways. He is coercing you (under the guise of teasing/fun) and even hurting you. He has no right to behave like this and you have every right to stand up to him and tell him to keep his hands off. I bet he wouldn't dare to do this to an older woman. He's taking advantage of your naivety to get away with this. If you feel OK about doing so, I would tell your parents that he keep touching you and you don't like it. Maybe they won't invite him round again, but at least they would then be alert to his behaviour. You can also avoid him and firmly push his hands away if he tries anything. I know how awkward and difficult this must seem to you. At my age, I would be telling him to keep his hands off and I would be firm and clear about it. I know that his behaviour is inappropriate and if it was not encouraged or welcome, then I would make it clear to him. I think you could do this. Don't smile at him, avoid him, ignore him when he tries to tease and tell him not to touch you. Make sure you say it loudly somewhere when he tries it. It's only fair that others get to hear what a creep he is and then they can keep an eye on him for you too. Sorry you're having to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
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