jealousy..

[gaptoothsally]

So recently, my boyfriend and I have been getting into heated arguments. A lot of them are due to my jealousy. We all have the issue of wanting to kill our boyfriends when he checks out other girls in front of us and yes, my boyfriend does that.. quite frequently. I feel like he's always looking at them.. as if it's his job or something :s and i don't like it. I've talked to him about it and he kinda gets quiet and shameful like, "shoot, i've been caught." He doesn't usually deny it, which is good I guess. But once we were in the middle of a conversation and he turned to look at this girl's tight, yoga-panted bum. I was furious. He will say "you check out guys" and yeah, i do. but i only do it because he does it. I don't NEED or care thaat much to check out other men, but he seems to need to check out other women. Why is that?

Also, we've only been dating a year, and during our first 5 months or so, i saw his internet history. Porn. yes, i look at porn too. but he wasn't just looking at good old fashioned boy-girl porn, he was googling naked celebrities and looking at naked girls around my age. It made me feel like i wasn't good enough..

He also often turns me down when i initiate sex. This rejection kills me. i have a very high sex drive and hes said that his sex drive isn't as high... yet he constantly checks out other girls and looks at porn? It makes me feel like he would rather simply LOOK at all these girls than have sex with me. Don't get me wrong, we DO have plenty of sex. but sometimes not enough for me and i feel like its usually me initiating it. I want him to show that he wants me just a little more. I know he loves, really, i do. but i can't help but feel like i'm not good enough sometimes . he gets angry when i'm jealous so i know he wants me to trust him...and i do, generally. But does his behaviour show that I'm not good enough for him? That he wants better? Hes 29, he should be over the whole "thinking with your dick" and checking out every single attractive woman thing. blahh.

[oldguy]

So recently, my boyfriend and I have been getting into heated arguments. A lot of them are due to my jealousy. We all have the issue of wanting to kill our boyfriends when he checks out other girls in front of us and yes, my boyfriend does that.. quite frequently. I feel like he's always looking at them.. as if it's his job or something :s and i don't like it. I've talked to him about it and he kinda gets quiet and shameful like, "shoot, i've been caught." He doesn't usually deny it, which is good I guess. But once we were in the middle of a conversation and he turned to look at this girl's tight, yoga-panted bum. I was furious. He will say "you check out guys" and yeah, i do. but i only do it because he does it. I don't NEED or care thaat much to check out other men, but he seems to need to check out other women. Why is that?

That's just a counter productive excuse. Revenge motivation will never FIX any relationship issue.

 

Also, we've only been dating a year, and during our first 5 months or so, i saw his internet history. Porn. yes, i look at porn too. but he wasn't just looking at good old fashioned boy-girl porn, he was googling naked celebrities and looking at naked girls around my age. It made me feel like i wasn't good enough..

I would think you would have something to worry about if he where looking at girls that where not your age.

 

He also often turns me down when i initiate sex. This rejection kills me. i have a very high sex drive and hes said that his sex drive isn't as high... yet he constantly checks out other girls and looks at porn? It makes me feel like he would rather simply LOOK at all these girls than have sex with me. Don't get me wrong, we DO have plenty of sex. but sometimes not enough for me and i feel like its usually me initiating it. I want him to show that he wants me just a little more. I know he loves, really, i do. but i can't help but feel like i'm not good enough sometimes . he gets angry when i'm jealous so i know he wants me to trust him...and i do, generally. But does his behaviour show that I'm not good enough for him? That he wants better? Hes 29, he should be over the whole "thinking with your dick" and checking out every single attractive woman thing. blahh.

His porn surfing IS a problem because it IS effecting his relationship with you. But your assuming the reasons he is looking without knowing why. Find out if he knows.

[veggirl]

Your BF needs to grow up. Oggling other women on the streets is totally disrespectful. I've NEVER caught my BF doing that. It's def possible he glances and I don't notice, but if he was doing it to the point that I was noticing and I brought it up and he didn't quit it, I'd be dunzo. Not cool. I'd be embarrassed --surely people notice that your man is with you but oggling other chicks. Yuck.

 

If it's only been a year and you are already sexually frustrated, and he isn't seeming to be willing to work on that with you, I'd walk. It's not going to get better, it'll just get worse.

 

Plus the whole tit for tat thing -- you look so I'm going to as well mwahahaha -- is just unhealthy.

 

If he's not willing to work on corralling this behavior, you should leave. What are you hoping to happen, for him to magically change over night? It won't happen, he'd have to make a conscious effort to do so and it doesn't sound like he is willing to do that. You're just going to feel lower and lower overtime.

[KathyM]

Ogling other women in front of you is definately disrespecting you. That's a red flag right there, and since you made it clear you don't like when he does that, and he continues to do it anyway in front of you, I'd say that's reason to dump him. He is too interested in other women, and not respectful of your wishes on this or of you.

[nofool4u]

He will say "you check out guys" and yeah, i do. but i only do it because he does it.

 

 

Ya, riiiiiight

 

 

I don't NEED or care thaat much to check out other men

 

You don't care "that much" to check out other men? Either you do or you don't.

 

Everyone checks out other people, those that say they don't are lying. This is an epidemic where, and it seems mostly women do this, where they check out guys, but get pissed when its the other way around.

 

Now I do believe its all about respect, when and how the opposite sex are being checked out. Everyone is going to notice attractiveness of the opposite sex, its natural. But they don't have to break their necks to capture a peek when in the presence of their sig. other.

 

Maybe what you should be concerned with is HOW he checks out other women. Because again, its natural for him to do so, as it is for you, but he could have a little more subtlety about it.

[gaptoothsally]

well thats a lot of what i'm saying is wrong about his checking out of other women. he isn't subtle about it.. like if he's going to do it, i'd rather him not let me see.

[gaptoothsally]

i wouldn't say it's revenge, persay... he doesn't seem all that bothered when i look at other guys.

 

obviously i would have a problem if he was looking at 12 year olds or something. but my point is that it makes me feel like i'm not good enough for him. when hes looking at other girls and then rejecting my sexual advances (because hes tired or whatever) i get slightly paranoid.

[oldguy]

i wouldn't say it's revenge, persay... he doesn't seem all that bothered when i look at other guys.

 

obviously i would have a problem if he was looking at 12 year olds or something. but my point is that it makes me feel like i'm not good enough for him. when hes looking at other girls and then rejecting my sexual advances (because hes tired or whatever) i get slightly paranoid.

 

I'm not defending what he's doing & my reference to your comment; "but I only do it because he does it", sounding like revenge, is 'revenge' because that sort of strategy in which a partner mimics a behavior in this why to give their partner, 'a taste of their own medicine', is counter productive. I believe his viewing porn is a problem because it is negatively effecting the relationship & he continues. Checking out other women in front of you is simply immature & rude.

[Leigh 87]

i wouldn't say it's revenge, persay... he doesn't seem all that bothered when i look at other guys.

 

obviously i would have a problem if he was looking at 12 year olds or something. but my point is that it makes me feel like i'm not good enough for him. when hes looking at other girls and then rejecting my sexual advances (because hes tired or whatever) i get slightly paranoid.

 

 

 

My boyfriend doesn't like me checking out other guys....... It seams like a bit of a red flag that he does not care that u check out hot dudes in front of him.

Although, perhaps he is just very secure, and is not worried that you check out other men; on the other hand, you are NOT that secure. Therefore, you need to let him know what your boundaries are.

 

 

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My boyfriend does not like me checking out other men; and, luckily for him, I do not get off on it much. Besides, I can do it discreetly. He figures I would, but does not want me to rub it in his face, or talk about them insessantly.

On the other hand, I could nto give two hoots if he checks out other girls.. as long as he does it discreetly, without making the girl and people around us, to notice.

We both have an understanding; he checks out hot girls, and we both actually point attractive girls out at times. If I had an issue, he would not do it. And, he always tells me that I am hot too, so as to not make me feel inferior to him.

I know there are hotter girls around me, and I do not think it makes him want me any less. Stoping him from looking at them, when he enjoys looking at hot girls, will not change the fact they are there.

At the end of the day, he wants what we have, not to have sex with every attractive girl, in place of what we have, our love and deap bond.

 

You really need to establish your boundaries! For instance: If I am having a " fat day", he will not look at ANy girls, or even MENTION attractive girls..... He knows that, if I show signs of feeling that I am not good enough for him, based on the girls he checks out; he would STOP. MY feelings are more important! YOUR feelings need to come first!

 

Tell him how you feel! Explain:

 

- your not the jealous type, he can discreatly check girls out, as it is natural to look at very attractive people.

- that he does it in a way that makes u feel like your not good enough for him.

- you realise there are lots of beautiful women about, but you want to know that he values YOUR relationship and the connection you have, above and behond the thrill of chasing hotter girls!

 

Honestly, I wish you the best of luck, but your b/f sounds like he really is into other girls, than he is into you; of course, I am sure you have a lot to offer him, which is why he still wants to be with you, in a relationship.

[gaptoothsally]

i don't think he is into other girls moreso than me.. he makes it clear that he loves me and wants to be with me. i guess hes just not discreet enough about it and thats why i notice it frequently ?

he calls me beautiful and i know he loves the way i look too. a lot of it IS my own juvenile insecurities bringing me down. but when i SEE him look at other girls and when he sometimes turns down sex, it makes me feel inadequate.

[Leigh 87]

i don't think he is into other girls moreso than me.. he makes it clear that he loves me and wants to be with me. i guess hes just not discreet enough about it and thats why i notice it frequently ?

he calls me beautiful and i know he loves the way i look too. a lot of it IS my own juvenile insecurities bringing me down. but when i SEE him look at other girls and when he sometimes turns down sex, it makes me feel inadequate.

 

 

 

 

 

My boyfriend also had a lower need for sex than me; he finishes work and is exhausted, and is contect with just hugging all night and crashing; where as if I do not masturbate daily, I get pretty horny if I let it build up, and would rather NOT go without sex.

 

I can see how your boyfriend turning down sex, and the fact he checks out other girls can make it out as though your boyfriend does not love you much, that he wants others more than you, and etc.....

However, it may look worse than it really is. My boyfriend only wants to be with me, he feels very strongly that he wants a future with ME;, but, he still checks out hot girls. As a man, it makes him feel good to look at women who are very beautiful.

He also has a lower sex drive than me, but still LOVES sex with me. He even goes down on me and loves it, where as he never tried it on other girls.

You need to talk to your b/f about the way he makes you feel. Tell him you feel as though he wants other girls more than you, when u check them out. Because you DO think that; you ARE threatened.