Issues with my boyfriends ex. Don't think hes over it?

[cahoots]

So I moved here about a year and a half ago. Met my current boyfriend about a month after that. I was definitely committed to him from the get go. About a month before he met me he had gone through a nasty break up. The girl cheated on him twice, and the second time left him for the other guy. There was absolutely no closure. I sensed that he used me to distract himself from the pain/get over it. I was fine with that, I felt for him, I took care of him emotionally. I urged him to talk about it. It was naive of me, I know.

About 5 months ago I was going to text one of my friends on his phone and found a conversation he had had with his ex. This is what I can remember- "I had another dream about you, we were talking, just talking and it was wonderful. My new roommate threw out the last bundle of flowers I had given you, not knowing I wanted to keep them. It killed me. Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. I tend to **** things up. I'm sorry."

 

I was so hurt and confused. Why was he apologizing?? He always made her out to be a terrible terrible negative person, and now hes saying sorry? When I confronted him the way he explained it was that he never had closure, and she would never give it to him. He was basically building her a bridge, trying to reach out, in hope that she would reciprocate. He told me he doesn't miss her he just misses being "okay." I believed him. It kind of makes sense. Kind of. But I don't know him as someone to manipulate emotion to that extent, just to recieve closure. That really sounded like it came from the heart. That was 5 months ago.

 

I'm not generally a suspicious person, but once you give me a reason to be, I can't really stop. My feelings towards the situation have been downhill since then. I now can't stop myself from snooping to see what other hurtful things he has written her. "I haven't found anyone i've wanted to get as close to as I was with you." -That was 7 months ago. I hate myself for snooping, but I hate that I have a reason to snoop! She messaged him Happy New Years, and he replied, "You too good lookin!" When I confronted him, he said he was mocking her. What??

Everytime he talks to her he makes himself out to be some sad, lonely dude, when i've been right here with him this whole time. I'm sure this girl would be amazed to find out hes had a girlfriend this whole time. He's getting fed up that I keep bringing this up but ever since reading that text, i've just gotten worse. It's always on my mind. My feelings towards the situation are so detrimental. It hurts so bad, yet I can't talk with him about it, he gets angry and his explanations never make sense. Hes explained again and again that he wants me, and I make him so much healthier, blah blah everything I need to hear, but what he has written her kind of negates that... This feeling of betrayal is not going away, its just getting worse. Its pretty obvious to me that back then he wasn't over it and still had feelings for her. Yet he kept me in the picture, which wasn't right. That was the past but I can't seem to get past it. I now believe that he's over it and is glad he found me, but who knows. What would you do?

[kiss_andmakeup]

He's not over it. Dump him.

[make me believe]

I now believe that he's over it and is glad he found me, but who knows. What would you do?

 

Uhh... I'm not sure why you believe that since it's clearly not the case. He's NOT over her, and you're settling for being second best. His explanations about his behavior don't make sense because the only explanation is "I still love her and want to be with her" but obviously he's not going to say that to you. So he makes up some kind of BS excuse like he's "mocking her". (Why would you want to be with a guy who is so immature that he feels the need to text his ex-gf just to mock her even if this WAS what was going on??)

 

Anyway, he's kept you in the picture not because he loves you, but because it's nicer to have someone stick around and provide you with comfort, sex, and security while you pine for your ex and wait for HER to come around. Sorry. You need to dump this guy and find somebody who puts you first. Don't settle for being the rebound next time.

[bikinibeach]

Please dump him.

 

If you go to him and ask if he is over it, he will swear up and down to any deity he holds dear that he is over it, blah blah blah blah blah ... these people are in denial.

 

It's their actions you should pay attention to, not their words. Texting your ex sappy, sentimental things and compliments is not something that someone who is over it does.

 

Don't you want to be a guy who sees YOU as the ultimate prize and not some chick from the past???

 

Also, he could be lying about how they broke up/ what happened in order to make you feel more secure.

 

Please dump him now. There are 7 billion people on this planet!!! Why stick with someone who makes you feel terrible while stroking some other girls ego??