My Boyfriend's Ex Girlfriend

[kwayne]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I'm much more experienced than he is. (he's 23 and I'm 21) I'm his 2nd girlfriend. His first girlfriend wasn't a long relationship, only about a month. But we got together really quickly after they were broken up. I've never been the jealous type, but I'm terribly jealous of her.

 

When we started dating, we obviously talked about exes and he explained everything to me and I loved how honest he was with me about how inexperienced he was. He told me how he was basically pathetic when it came to his ex, he did whatever she wanted and she always seemed to somewhat push him away. They hardly spent time together and even when they were on campus at the same time, she begged him not to come see her.

 

I really didn't care because I knew from when we first started dating how comfortable he made me feel knowing everything about me. I've never had to lie or hide anything from him and he still treats me like a princess. About 2 months into our relationship, was the ex's birthday, (she's 19) which he was invited to and I was going out with my girls and I insisted he go because they are friends. He said he wasn't going to go, but at the last minute he decided to go (I don't have a problem with that) and he was even considerate enough to text me so I knew. I was drunk when I got back at around 2:30 and I texted him and told him I was home and ready to do dirty things. He called me and said he was drunk and he was going to see me soon. I waited and waited, then I called at 5:30 in the morning, no answer. I didn't talk to him until 7 ish in the morning when he came over, said he fell asleep on her bed.

 

I love his honesty but that hurt me so badly. I believe him when he says nothing happened but that's very sketchy. After that, I've been jealous of her. She and him always talk and I'm fine with them being friends, but when she doesn't have a boy, she's interested in him and flirting with him. I use to give him crap about it to hint how much it bothers me, but now he just doesn't text her when I'm around (which is basically 24/7) so it makes me feel like he has to sneak it, which makes me feel like a ****ty girlfriend.

 

We hardly fight, but I've lost so much confidence because I'm always comparing myself to her. Although i know i have better hair/ prettier in the face, she's shorter than me, thinner than me, younger than me. I'm not the type to go through text messages, but i did recently and she's always saying things that I find inappropriate. She asked about me and my bf replied that I'm probably sleeping and she referred to me as a bear. Instead of sticking up for me, he just doesnt respond.

 

He's not the type to stir trouble, but wtf? I would expect him to stand up for me. He also said about how we hardly fight and are always great together and i loved that but all she could say was how he was better with her. Idk if I'm being dumb, but I can't help feeling inferrior to her even thought I know he wants me.

 

Oh, nd here's the more recent issue. Her older sister is getting married and texted and asked my bf what his address was to send him an invite. He hasn't gotten the invitation yet but he doesn't want me to go because he thinks it'll cause problems and he also said the groom (who apparently is a douche bag) will probably start comparing me to his ex and do whatever to make his ex look better than me because he's marrying her sister.

 

I just feel like crap after all of this and dont know how to deal

[Ashmoore]

Okay the question you have to ask yourself is do you really trust your bf..... Could he get drunk with his ex sleep in her bed and honestly nothing happen? In my opinion if your bf dosent want you to go to the wedding its not because he doesnt want you to cause problems. He should be proud to walk into that wedding with you on his arm regaurdless of what anyone thinks you may do. Thats just an excuse for him not to take you. I know what its like to have to deal with the x Girlfriends I wish you luck!

[g450]

Dear friend i am a man who have been searching for a woman who can love me for me and i do not care the age limit all that matters is love if i can love you a you love me then we shall make a great family,

 

i shall be waiting if anyone gets my post.

 

thanks and waiting for mails. my email is ( [email protected] )

 

Hernandez:lmao:

 

Since when did this become a dating site?

 

Is this supposed to be some kind of a joke? The people that come here are for the most part in genuine pain and yoiu post this?

 

Is this spam?

[kwayne]

I agree. I think I should be able to go. I do trust him enough. And I know he would only be thinking of my feelings but I'm scared he's just not going to go to the wedding. He has other friends that are getting married and he's all excited about us going together for that wedding. Thank you for your help!

[chelsea2011]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I'm much more experienced than he is. (he's 23 and I'm 21) I'm his 2nd girlfriend. His first girlfriend wasn't a long relationship, only about a month. But we got together really quickly after they were broken up. I've never been the jealous type, but I'm terribly jealous of her.

 

When we started dating, we obviously talked about exes and he explained everything to me and I loved how honest he was with me about how inexperienced he was. He told me how he was basically pathetic when it came to his ex, he did whatever she wanted and she always seemed to somewhat push him away. They hardly spent time together and even when they were on campus at the same time, she begged him not to come see her.

 

I really didn't care because I knew from when we first started dating how comfortable he made me feel knowing everything about me. I've never had to lie or hide anything from him and he still treats me like a princess. About 2 months into our relationship, was the ex's birthday, (she's 19) which he was invited to and I was going out with my girls and I insisted he go because they are friends. He said he wasn't going to go, but at the last minute he decided to go (I don't have a problem with that) and he was even considerate enough to text me so I knew. I was drunk when I got back at around 2:30 and I texted him and told him I was home and ready to do dirty things. He called me and said he was drunk and he was going to see me soon. I waited and waited, then I called at 5:30 in the morning, no answer. I didn't talk to him until 7 ish in the morning when he came over, said he fell asleep on her bed.

 

I love his honesty but that hurt me so badly. I believe him when he says nothing happened but that's very sketchy. After that, I've been jealous of her. She and him always talk and I'm fine with them being friends, but when she doesn't have a boy, she's interested in him and flirting with him. I use to give him crap about it to hint how much it bothers me, but now he just doesn't text her when I'm around (which is basically 24/7) so it makes me feel like he has to sneak it, which makes me feel like a ****ty girlfriend.

 

We hardly fight, but I've lost so much confidence because I'm always comparing myself to her. Although i know i have better hair/ prettier in the face, she's shorter than me, thinner than me, younger than me. I'm not the type to go through text messages, but i did recently and she's always saying things that I find inappropriate. She asked about me and my bf replied that I'm probably sleeping and she referred to me as a bear. Instead of sticking up for me, he just doesnt respond.

 

He's not the type to stir trouble, but wtf? I would expect him to stand up for me. He also said about how we hardly fight and are always great together and i loved that but all she could say was how he was better with her. Idk if I'm being dumb, but I can't help feeling inferrior to her even thought I know he wants me.

 

Oh, nd here's the more recent issue. Her older sister is getting married and texted and asked my bf what his address was to send him an invite. He hasn't gotten the invitation yet but he doesn't want me to go because he thinks it'll cause problems and he also said the groom (who apparently is a douche bag) will probably start comparing me to his ex and do whatever to make his ex look better than me because he's marrying her sister.

 

I just feel like crap after all of this and dont know how to deal

 

Honestly? This guy sounds like a douche. He shouldn't disrespect you like that by going to that wedding. That's awful! He should stick up for you and make a statement by not ac,cepting the invitation. Wow, you should call him out on that and let him that is totally uncool. What a jerk!

[veggirl]

Honestly? This guy sounds like a douche. He shouldn't disrespect you like that by going to that wedding. That's awful! He should stick up for you and make a statement by not ac,cepting the invitation. Wow, you should call him out on that and let him that is totally uncool. What a jerk!

 

This absolutely. And sleeping in her bed? Really now. I'm sure that was on accident. I often accidentally end up in exes beds, ya know?

[norajane]

I think you need to face the possibility that those two are not done with each other yet. He clearly still has a thing for her, even if he does care about you. She's reaching out to him, feeding his ego, planting seeds of doubt, flirting...and what is he doing? Lapping it up. He's loving this. Not only does he have a great girlfriend who cares about him, but he's got his ex fawning all over him. That's why he's letting this go on instead of shutting it down.

 

Don't let yourself be a part of their games. Either confront him with this, or move on. Because there is no doubt that you will end up getting hurt, sooner or later. Actually, I think you are already hurt. And extremely anxious. No one should make you feel like that.

[zlatnapolja]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and I'm much more experienced than he is. (he's 23 and I'm 21) I'm his 2nd girlfriend. His first girlfriend wasn't a long relationship, only about a month. But we got together really quickly after they were broken up. I've never been the jealous type, but I'm terribly jealous of her.

 

When we started dating, we obviously talked about exes and he explained everything to me and I loved how honest he was with me about how inexperienced he was. He told me how he was basically pathetic when it came to his ex, he did whatever she wanted and she always seemed to somewhat push him away. They hardly spent time together and even when they were on campus at the same time, she begged him not to come see her.

 

I really didn't care because I knew from when we first started dating how comfortable he made me feel knowing everything about me. I've never had to lie or hide anything from him and he still treats me like a princess. About 2 months into our relationship, was the ex's birthday, (she's 19) which he was invited to and I was going out with my girls and I insisted he go because they are friends. He said he wasn't going to go, but at the last minute he decided to go (I don't have a problem with that) and he was even considerate enough to text me so I knew. I was drunk when I got back at around 2:30 and I texted him and told him I was home and ready to do dirty things. He called me and said he was drunk and he was going to see me soon. I waited and waited, then I called at 5:30 in the morning, no answer. I didn't talk to him until 7 ish in the morning when he came over, said he fell asleep on her bed.

 

I love his honesty but that hurt me so badly. I believe him when he says nothing happened but that's very sketchy. After that, I've been jealous of her. She and him always talk and I'm fine with them being friends, but when she doesn't have a boy, she's interested in him and flirting with him. I use to give him crap about it to hint how much it bothers me, but now he just doesn't text her when I'm around (which is basically 24/7) so it makes me feel like he has to sneak it, which makes me feel like a ****ty girlfriend.

 

We hardly fight, but I've lost so much confidence because I'm always comparing myself to her. Although i know i have better hair/ prettier in the face, she's shorter than me, thinner than me, younger than me. I'm not the type to go through text messages, but i did recently and she's always saying things that I find inappropriate. She asked about me and my bf replied that I'm probably sleeping and she referred to me as a bear. Instead of sticking up for me, he just doesnt respond.

 

He's not the type to stir trouble, but wtf? I would expect him to stand up for me. He also said about how we hardly fight and are always great together and i loved that but all she could say was how he was better with her. Idk if I'm being dumb, but I can't help feeling inferrior to her even thought I know he wants me.

 

Oh, nd here's the more recent issue. Her older sister is getting married and texted and asked my bf what his address was to send him an invite. He hasn't gotten the invitation yet but he doesn't want me to go because he thinks it'll cause problems and he also said the groom (who apparently is a douche bag) will probably start comparing me to his ex and do whatever to make his ex look better than me because he's marrying her sister.

 

I just feel like crap after all of this and dont know how to deal

 

I know you say you've send hints, but have you ever actually told him how that makes you feel? I mean tell everything... Dont hold back on this, its better to say it all at once than to keep hinting which may come across as nagging at some point.

 

Maybe he's not cheating on you, but he's DEFINITELY NOT considering you're feelings! You can always argue wheater it is or is not a good idea to befriend your exes. While one might think its a good idea, another will disagree. However he's in a relationship with YOU, and you're hurt by the kind of relationship that they have.

 

To me its not a good sign that he doesnt stick up for you, nor is it a good sign that he wont take you to that wedding. He can always choose not to go himself...

 

How long did he know this girl before they started dating, were they friends before?

 

You have to make clear to him that this is not acceptable to you, its a reasonable this to ask of him that he sticks up for you, doesnt fall asleep on his ex GF's bed etc. You say you feel like a bad GF for giving him crap about this... Come on he should be happy to have you and should therefor make sure he always considers you! Good luck!

[kwayne]

He knew her for about 6 months (as friends) before they started dating. And yes, he did fall asleep on her bed but that was only one time at the beginning of our relationship and he hasn't even hung out with her since (and trust me, she's tried).

 

My biggest problem is how she clearly disregards the boundaries of our relationship and he doesn't do anything about it. He's not a bad bf; I'm not worried that he's cheating. I know he's not. And it might be bad, but I have no doubts that he is enjoying her wanting him.

 

We've talked about her so often that I think he's sick of hearing how I dislike her "/ he just sees my side and her side. I wish he would just be on my side tho.

[norajane]

He knew her for about 6 months (as friends) before they started dating. And yes, he did fall asleep on her bed but that was only one time at the beginning of our relationship and he hasn't even hung out with her since (and trust me, she's tried).

 

My biggest problem is how she clearly disregards the boundaries of our relationship and he doesn't do anything about it. He's not a bad bf; I'm not worried that he's cheating. I know he's not. And it might be bad, but I have no doubts that he is enjoying her wanting him.

 

We've talked about her so often that I think he's sick of hearing how I dislike her "/ he just sees my side and her side. I wish he would just be on my side tho.

 

Honestly, she is the least of your problems. You cannot control what she does. HE is your problem. HE is allowing this to continue. HE is doing nothing to stop it. HE is the one who is encouraging it by talking to her all the time, HE is the one who is leaving the door open to something happening between them.

 

If HE wanted you to feel good about your relationship, HE would stop this. HE is choosing not to.

 

What are YOU going to choose for yourself? Because if you stay, YOU are choosing to allow this kind of crap into your life. You don't have to. You can choose to walk away.

[veggirl]

OP how long do you think you'll be able to deal with being in this triangle? Cause that what it is. Your BF could easily put an end to this crap with the ex gf. He doesn't want to. He's choosing that drama and BS over you, at the end of the day. He obviously isn't going to change, so are you prepared to just suck it up and stay? Probably not, that sounds MISERABLE. So why don't you leave him? He's PROVEN that he won't put an end to his contact with her. That's not okay. Ball's in your court now.

[kwayne]

@just_a_poster where did you get that he fell asleep in her bed twice? That only happened once when we had just started dating. We're now almost a year.

 

He doesn't talk to her all the time and she recently moved out of the city. I can't remember the last time he physically saw her.

 

Last night, I brought up cheating with him. (we sleep together every night) And he told me that if he ever cheated that he'd feel like he ****ed up so bad that he couldn't handle it. So I brought up that night and we talked it over (again) but I do believe him and he's very honest with me (sometimes more than I'd like lol) but I told him if I ever found out he did anything with his ex, I would never be able to forgive him because of how I feel towards her.

 

BTW I don't believe in telling bf/gf's that they aren't allowed to talk to people.