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its not his smile but its such a charming smile..


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Few months ago, I went through a crisis about "what to do with a husband who didnt want the same things in life; having children." It was a sudden onset feeling of being neglect and I was infuriated. My husband couldnt understand what the hell was going on, because he felt it came out of nowhere. I tried to confront him nicely at first, but it just didnt work. We were on the wrong page. You may wonder, "Why the hell did you marry him from the first place?" All I can say is that we just clicked and fell in love when we were both in college. Got married at a young age(22) and our marriage was like a strong bond rather than a commitment to bringing new life together. I think I was just clucky.

 

(Now this is where I make my own trap and make my consolidating skills get out of whack. please read on if you think you might be able to help me.)

 

During this break-down of mine, I met someone through a friend of a friend; stupidly enough through facebook. It wasn't anything intimate at all, but he got me curious. The more we chatted and the more I learned, the more I was interested in what he was saying and telling me, rather than what my husband had to say...

 

Now I thought it wasn't going to hurt anyone, because I thought he lived overseas. We kept sending messages asking about our views in life. He also gave me advice about what I should do with my situation with my husband.

 

One day I found out he actually lived in the same city, and things started to feel naughty than friendly. We both got interested to meet up, convincing each other that we could be "friends"...! I was just really happy to be able to meet someone who had great qualities as a person and outlook in life. I am a socialite and love meeting new people, so the fact that I was meeting someone like this, didnt bother me. Besides, I knew his work profile, so I knew it was safe to meet him.

 

 

So we met...

 

I immediately felt butterflies in the stomach. Something I had never felt for 8 yrs since I first met my husband... I felt this guilt surge into my body, and at the same time the cheap thrill of doing something forbidden got me into a high, I suppose. I did mention I was a socialite and bubbly person, but I never in my life cheated on anyone... I guess until now...

 

As we got into talking, hours went by and it was time for me to hurry home... It was such a fun night out, and I wished it never end... We definately had strong feelings about desiring one another....

So from that day on, I couldnt' stop thinking of what it could have been. What I would never ever do. But it was almost too easy with him...

Although that night I went home, all I thought about was, when can I get the chance to see him again!?

 

I knew I was doing something very wrong, and yet because of the situation with my husband wasnt getting better, I somehow tricked myself into thinking that it was ALRIGHT, especially after finding out that my "new friend" was actually moving to the states in 6 months. I was selfish. I gathered that I had to pursue my intentions; to see if he was actually interested in me too, and I think I was also testing myself to see if my husband was the right one for me. You might say that if you love him dearly, you would never do this. A rational thinker wouldnt do such things...

 

In conclusion....

 

During the period of 3 months of argument with my husband, I met him 3 times and certainly did enjoy bad things together. I hate to say this, but it was very addictive... However the guy would always insist on ending this, saying that it just wasnt fair for anyone and the situation was just totally not in the right context. He was right. He knew all along that this was just totally wrong. I agreed, but deep inside, I wished he would just want me again. Its such a terrible egoistic boost. I was unshameful, because I thought that I could have it all...

 

Now its been 6months since I last talked to him, and I am back with my husband, as if nothing happened... My husband realised that if it was that important to me, he was prepared to work on it (having kids in the future). I was happy and glad that we are back together. This whole affair made me realise that grass in greener on the other side.

 

However...

 

The only problem is, I still think about him. I wish nothing but a great future for him. And wished that I met him in a different scenario, because I really liked this guy.

 

I hope you can help me justify my point of view. I think I just really wish I can still keep in touch with him which I know is not going to lead to anywhere...

 

Do you think that the way I am thinking is crook? Or is it normal? Some of my friends say that its a mistake that I had to go through in order to realise how important the reality is.

Edited by chikabee
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I think you need to be honest with your husband about what you have done. It is unfair for him to think about starting a family without you telling him the truth. How would you feel if you husband had been doing this to you behind your back? It is so hurtful and disrespectful to your husband.

 

You seem to imply that you were intimate with this OM which means that you and your husband need to be tested for STD's. These are the consequences of such actions.

 

You are now thinking of starting a family. You need to be honest with your husband. It is not all about you. You will either have a relationship based on your honesty and respect or lies and disrespect. The choice is yours.

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Congratulations! This is what almost every affair partner thinks.

 

Your thoughts here should be read by all who believe that they are in a secure relationship. Few are immune to this type of reasoning. This example should be taken as a warning.

 

Were I your husband, we would establish some extra ordinary precautions: You would explain where you are each day especially if you are going to be late. I would monitor your calls and I would have GPS axis via your phone. I would privately take samples of you underwear, were I suspicious of any behaviour change.

 

You claim interest in being a mother, but you certainly are not a good example to my children nor to others as a family trait.

 

These bad boundary problems can happen to anybody. The habit must be systematically controlled and a method of regular honest communication should be set up with your husband.

 

I too am a sinner, hence my conviction!

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Owls

To answer your question, yes I actually went insane trying to justify my action, (and in order to escape from the guilt), I tried to confront my husband on several occasions. The "friend" suggested I do it for my own good.

Whether or not my husband knew, I still dont know. This is because he stopped me from explaining what I tried to tell him. He said to me, "I dont need to know. Its alright." I cried and apologized...

I decided it was best not to go there anymore...

I had myself and the "friend" tested for STD in the aftermath. I had been so stressed that I had very painful periods and I said I needed both of us checked. All clear thank goodness.

 

But as you can imagine, going through all that sort of stuff, it just was disgusting. Now that I got it out of my chest in this forum, I really have realised that I dont need to know what he is up to. Someday I might bump into him, but I will never feel the same about him.

 

I guess if people knew what I have done, they will look at me with disrespect. I almost have forgotten that there are people (majority) like you will look down at me for even bringing up a child in to this world someday and look down upon my mistake...

 

But somehow this experience has made me choose my husband. I really thought I was going to end it all..

 

It's hard for a woman in the childbearing years to be with someone, knowing that they never want children with you...

 

That has all changed. I hope that it will make us a stronger couple. Well not hope. I will make it work out! :)

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So you had a brief affair during some very troubling times with your husband, big deal. Do not listen to anyone who suggests that you tell him. What good could that possibly do anyone? There is however one thing that you do need to come to terms with. Mr. Facebook lover boy was using you for sex. He chatted you up online because he found you physically attractive, found out you had a nice personality and decided to have sex with you. I'm not criticizing him, I would have done the same. All I'm saying is don't think that Mr. Understanding ever actually intended to have anything more than a bit of fun with you. He knew he was moving, he knew you were married, he knew you wanted him so he did it. He's not a prince, he's a toad. Your husband who agreed to change his life forever to give you the children you want, now there's you're prince.

 

Forget the other guy, move on with your life, enjoy your family and never speak of this again.

Hey thanks... You're right. I can't believe I was thinking that he might actually be in need of my friendship. It's funny and how you put it in the prince and toad terms...

Actually to think of it all, he referred to himself as a microwave dinner... And I didnt get that. I was like, huh?? Naive girls like me, should really be more fearful than fearless. I'm still learning from my experience. It's lucky that I get to learn from it without the bad aftertaste it could of given me. But anyone else who has comments, I'm up for more. Thanks. Easy said than done you see. :)

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