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guyfromsouth

I have found some emails that my wife sent to a co-worker. basically she was saying that she is sad that the co-worker does not talk to her more often.

She said in the email that she like him more that he should... and stuff like that.

 

Do you think that is a way that a married women talk with co-worker?

 

I do not have issues with her having male friends.... but I do not think this is the way to talk with a married co-woker

 

DO you think is good idea to confront her about the emails?

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Woman In Blue

She's definitely fishing. Give her enough fishing line and she'll eventually hang herself if he takes the bait.

 

It's a very good idea to nip it in the bud before it turns into something much bigger than it is right now.

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RecordProducer
She said in the email that she like him more that he should... and stuff like that.

If you correct this sentence, maybe we could understand what you're saying. Did she tell him she likes him more than SHE should?
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It is pretty obvious that your wife is fishing for attention from this guy. Any man that received this would think that your wife is there for the taking. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be wondering if she should confront you about this? Are you going to wait until she sleeps with this guy before you say anything? It is time to get your head out of the sand.

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Have been on the receiving end of this kind of attention in the workplace from married women, but have never acted on it. Trust me the Emails are the tip of the iceberg, she is likely all but throwing herself at the guy at work. Yes, I would confront her, it may not be too late to get your marriage back on track, but something is very wrong.

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John Michael Kane
She's definitely fishing. Give her enough fishing line and she'll eventually hang herself if he takes the bait.

 

It's a very good idea to nip it in the bud before it turns into something much bigger than it is right now.

 

It's already big. She's already cheating, at least emotionally, which is just as bad as her screwing the guy.

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I have found some emails that my wife sent to a co-worker. basically she was saying that she is sad that the co-worker does not talk to her more often.

She said in the email that she like him more that he should... and stuff like that.

 

Do you think that is a way that a married women talk with co-worker?

 

I do not have issues with her having male friends.... but I do not think this is the way to talk with a married co-woker

 

DO you think is good idea to confront her about the emails?

 

dont listen to these people here. you need to decide if you want her or not. if you dont, start looking yourself and stop being faithful to her. if you do, you need to put her to the wall and really show her what would happen to her if she ever does anything close to cheating on you. personally, i dont think she is worth the effort, the last strategy is risky and you need a certain type of woman, look for one of those instead.

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guyfromsouth

Actually, I am going to confront her, right now there is some family members that are visiting and I do not want any big scenes.

 

again I am ok of women having male friends, but this kind of emails and secrets are not ok.

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Actually, I am going to confront her, right now there is some family members that are visiting and I do not want any big scenes.

 

again I am ok of women having male friends, but this kind of emails and secrets are not ok.

 

i am not ok with women having single men as friends. married might be ok, but i need to meet them. single men, never.

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guyfromsouth

This is one part of the message that is disturbing..

In summary, I feel that I care for our friendship and for you more than you care for our friendship and for me and that had made me to keep a distance between us these few weeks while I think about this. This just hurts me because I need you to care about me. I need you to show me you care.

 

You are a great person and I really like you. Actually, I like you more than I should. Just having you around makes me smile,
so
I have been
so
miserable these past few weeks feeling that you don't care about me. Remember when I told you long time ago that I felt you were inside a glass box,
so
I could see you, but not to be close enough to you? Well, the glass box is still there. You don't let me to come close and I can't function like that. There is something that prevents you to be open with me or to get closer. It is like a barrier and I don't know how to deal with it. I miss you terribly, but I don't want to be the only one keeping this friendship alive. I am an open book with you, but you are like a vault with me.

 

You are the wise one here,
so
what's next?

I do not think that this is a way to communicate with a Friend. Please give me your honest opinion.... If I confront her with this evidence, I do not want to backfire.

 

This is the other email that she sent

 

I was thinking about what happened before you left the office Thursday and I felt really bad. Yes, things were about to get crazy. And that is at the same time funny and concerning.

 

Anyway, I decided to write to you because it is very difficult to talk to you. Not because of you, but because of our environment.
So
, I apologize upfront. I don’t want you to think that it has become a habit to send you difficult messages every week. I just want to be honest and close this subject for a long time or forever.

 

When I am with friends that means that I am with friends. It is not that “I am kind of” with friends. When I am with friends I can talk to them anywhere, at any time and about anything. I can invite them to lunch, to have coffee, for dinner, happy hour, etc and everybody is happy and there are not awkward poses. With you, that’s another story. With you, I feel that I am being a jerk. Any invitation or conversation feels like a bad thing, almost like a sin. I feel that I should not be saying things or doing things. And I am talking about normal stuff like having lunch or coffee. A good example could be that sometimes I feel like you are in AA and I am offering you a drink instead of helping you with your problem.

 

When I think about this, I think that you don’t need this drama in your life and I don’t need it either. Should we call this friendship quits? In order for a friendship to blossom or get established people need to share stuff and I can’t. How can we have a decent conversation if we can’t talk during the day or the week? A simple hello in the hallway won’t do it. That won’t build a friendship. Why all the simple things look
so
difficult? Why am I having a hard time with this? I am getting hurt and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to feel guilty just for asking you out to lunch or talking to you.

 

What would you like to do? What would you like me to do? Do you want me to stop any communication with you and maybe pretend that we never talked or met? Do you want me just to say hello in the hallway because it is safe? Can you help me here? I really need to know what you want to do. I want to be a reason for you to smile. I don’t want to be a reason for you to worry.

 

Just close your eyes, think about me, breathe deep, and think… what would you like to do?
</SPAN>

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IfWishesWereHorses

Sounds like she's got it bad for this guy. It also sounds like they have discussed it before. It sounds like he is trying to nicely let her down. She talks about other letters, says she hates to keep sending these types of letters. It's my understanding that most men don't get off on emotionally charged notes and confrontation. I don't think that it necessarily proves that a physical affair has taken place. An emotional one for sure on her part atleast. Do you have any replies from him?

 

I don't get the AA comment, is he married also?

Edited by IfWishesWereHorses
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guyfromsouth

One reply to the last one is

 

Wow.....I didn not want to hurt you.. I'
m
sorry if that is the case. My opinion is that I like you and wish to remain friends. I take things on day at a time with you. I do not have any expectactions other than you make me laugh and you make the work day more enjoyable. Things are what they are with me... I simply cannot do everything you do with your other friends. I you fell the need to end our friendshipt let me know and I will act accordingly... I hope is not the case...

 

Even with his reponse, Do you think I can confront her with this email? I do not think a married women need to address a friend like that.. looks like she was fishing to see his response.. and got this..

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Again my friend if the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be waiting with all of the messages that you have to confront you? These have been very inappropriate. These are the things that lead to affairs. Why are you waiting?

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IfWishesWereHorses

When you confront just be prepared for her to get defensive and turn things around on you and gaslight. No these things aren't appropriate and I believe you should have all the info you can when you confront her. It does sound like this guy is putting her off and trying just to be pleasant.

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guyfromsouth

I am going to confront her, that is for sure, but need all the proof in hand to do it.

let me ask you a couple of questions, what do you ask her? as part of this confrontation.

 

What is this? who is this guy?

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one line...

 

you are the wise one here, what's next?

 

what do you wanna bet he's married too, and makes a habit of making friends with benefits on the side.

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IMHO if she hasnt already screwed him (sounds like she did) they she is about to.

 

My advice: Get a separate account and seek legal advice. You are in for a world of hurt my friend. Been there done that. Trust your gut. Its almost always right.

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alexlakeman

hello???? He f)cked her and now he's ignoring her.. Haven't you heard of the three F's?

 

Get Key logger on the computer.

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Seen a similar situation.

 

I would NOT confront her. I would gather more intel. As long as she doesn't know you know, you have the upper hand. Keep getting the emails, and start paying attention to other forms of communication, her whereabouts, etc. The more you know before SHE knows you know, the better off you will be.

 

Do what others have suggested: start preparing for the rough time ahead. Talk to a lawyer and see what the consequences of a divorce would be in your state.

 

Things are already damaged, probably irreversibly.

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I am going to confront her, that is for sure, but need all the proof in hand to do it.

let me ask you a couple of questions, what do you ask her? as part of this confrontation.

 

you don't ask her sh*t. you have all proof in hand before you show your cards and you TELL her you know what's going on when you do.

 

you're not the one asking, you're telling. if she wants to salvage anything, she has to do the asking.

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Ok, those are FWB letters... Not friend letters... They have totally ****ed but there isnt anything totally incriminating in the letters you have so far... It seems to me like the dude isnt interested in ****ing her anymore so catching her in the act with this guy probably isnt a real possibility... But ya, keep your head down and gather more info... Hell, I would bust open her journal if she has one.

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