1323 Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 So I just need to know if this is cheating or not. My fiance apperently has feelings for another girl. I found this out by reading text messages. Is it still considered cheating if they haven't done anything but my finances confesses he has feelings for her and wants to be with this other girl all the time? I need help. And for that matter is it better to have a fiance that doesn't physically cheat on u but likes someone else or OS it better to have a fiance that cheats on u but it means nothing to them? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Hi, OP, welcome to LS IMO, the operative parameter is your boundaries. If this behavior from your fiance breaches your boundaries, then it is unacceptable to you. Print out the text messages and have a conversation. If not previously clarified, communicate clearly what your boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behavior are. IMO, such messages are 'cheating', one because of their opaque nature and two because they de-prioritize the intimacy and exclusivity of your betrothal. is it better to have a fiance that doesn't physically cheat on u but likes someone else or OS it better to have a fiance that cheats on u but it means nothing to them? IMO, neither is healthy for an intimate relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 I consider his action an " intention to cheat". This is a grey area no doubt, but if he's emotionally attached to this other woman, then he's emotionally cheating on you. So which do you think is worse, emotional cheating or physical cheating? Just know that his actions have confirmed that the possibility of him remaining faithful to you is no longer valid. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 Ask yourself one question; if you were to say to him - "Oh honey, I can see you have an urge - why don't you go for it, if that's what you want?" Would he- (a) Reply "Good lord, no, I couldn't possibly! I'm with you, having sex with another girl is out of the question!" or (b) go - "Woooooooo-hoooooooo!! Yay me!!" Whichever one you truly know would be the reply - gives you the answer you seek. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 1323 Posted April 3, 2011 Author Share Posted April 3, 2011 Thank you all for ur replies they all make sense. I'm just so hurt and lost idk what to do Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 You clearly have a choice - 3 in fact. 1: tell him to go and get it out of his system, and then come back and never contact her, speak to her, speak about her, or refer to her ever again. 2: Tell him to stop all contact and all reference right now, because you will not tolerate this behaviour and disrespect, and be slighted in this way. 3: Dump him, cut him loose, and turn the page for yourself, and let go. Link to post Share on other sites
P&R Posted April 3, 2011 Share Posted April 3, 2011 (edited) This is IMO an emotional affair which is just as bad if not worse than just a physical affair. Tell him he needs to cut off all contact with this woman. Ask for accountability if he refuses then drop him like he's hot. Edited April 3, 2011 by P&R Link to post Share on other sites
UpandAway Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 (edited) I would consider it emotional cheating. He says he wants to spend all of his time with this other girl... where does that leave you, his fiance?! I feel for ya, hun. That's a horrible situation to be in. I won't tell you what to do, because only you know how you feel and you might be able to forgive. If it was me though, I don't know if I could trust him ever again, tbh. Life is too short to be settling for being second best, especially with somebody you're planning to make the ultimate commitment to (marriage.) Again, it's up to you, because you know the in's and out's of the situation more than anyone here. I hope you're getting lots of support from your friends and family, you'll need it, hun. *hugs* Edited April 7, 2011 by UpandAway Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 So I just need to know if this is cheating or not. My fiance apperently has feelings for another girl. I found this out by reading text messages. Is it still considered cheating if they haven't done anything but my finances confesses he has feelings for her and wants to be with this other girl all the time? yes, its called an emotional affair. or emotionally unfaithful. If his heart isn't for you 100%, and part of it for someone else, then its cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Thank you all for ur replies they all make sense. I'm just so hurt and lost idk what to do dont let him sit there and get to decide. if he has feelings for another girl and is in contact with her, make the decision for him. let the other girl have his wishy washy, emotionally unfaithful butt. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 And for that matter is it better to have a fiance that doesn't physically cheat on u but likes someone else or OS it better to have a fiance that cheats on u but it means nothing to them? Huh? I'm sorry, but neither of them is a good option. Why wuld you even want to settle for either of those circumstances? They both would be a deal breaker for me...no options offered. No way. Link to post Share on other sites
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