I finally broke up with my cheating fiancee and feel like my world is crashing

[kourtney01]

The background story of this roller-coaster ride I have been in with my fiancee that has cheated in the past and again over the holidays is in "been cheated on"

 

After all the advice from my friends and this forum...I finally did it. Well, I had a little help too...some last piece of evidence I needed to see.

 

After the events of today that I described in my update, I came home feeling very sad and alone and waited for him to get home from his crazy all-nighter (as I mentioned he crashed at his mom's)

 

I believe on my first post I mentioned that he has been out with his soccer buddies and on more than one occasion never answered my calls. I found his bank statement and it showed that on Decemebr 23rd (the night he went to 'drop something off at a soccer buddie's house' and would be back in a half hr ...I foolishly waited at his house for 5 HOURS and called non stop and he never answered) there was 2 movie tickets purchased and 2 meals at a restaurant. I even found the movie tickets in his pocket.

So

while I was waiting at his house for him crying and calling non stop for 5 HOURS, he was out with some chick. And he had THE NERVE to tell me he stopped by the restaurant he wants to have cater our wedding and didn't want to tell me to spoil the surprise. How sick can someone be to hurt me in this way??

 

I finally broke up with him and threw his stuff out of my house in front of my mother (who was yelling more at me for crying and screaming uncontrolably than at him for being a stupid low cheater and screwing up again at my expense...very demoralizing but I understand she was frustrated)

 

Now...I'

m

here, glass of wine in hand and I'

M

FREAKING OUT! I feel

so

alone...no one to talk to at this time of night and am breaking down physically and emotionally!

 

I'

m

a beautiful woman. What did this girl have that I didn't for him to do this to me!!! And right before Christmas too!!!! She's probably the voice from the skiing video too! (you have to read the story to understand) I feel soooo depressed... I keep thinking that I'

m

not good enough and my self-esteem is at ground level. Please I need some advice to help me stop feeling this way! I'

m

so

hurt that he did all these fun things with her behind my back...what does she have that I don't? And how could he do this to me!!! Our wedding date was just a few months away..

On top of this he told me he is going away with a buddy in a week...now I'

m

sure he's going with her and I'

m

CRUSHED.... worried they will fall in love like everyone does on vacation and he won't even think about me or suffer for loosing me and throwing everything away...and we just went away a month ago and had such an amazing time...gosh I am

so

upset...

[paleblue]

Im glad to hear you broke up with the cheater. I remember reading your other post. Ya, its totally crushing and it totally sucks! But anyone on here, and your friends will tell you that you did the right thing. You are better off learning to live again than being treated like you are meaningless by someone for the rest of your life.

 

Ya, when things like this happen, its a complete blow to our self esteem. I wish there was a short cut, but there is not. You have to let the hurt happen and go away on its own in time. Altho I know one thing that will speed it up is going no contact and moving on in your life. That is the quickst way to get over this. I wouldnt accept any lame offers for friendship or breadcrumbs while you are hurting. If you do it just sets you back and prolongs the agony. There are people on here I have read, who have ditched their fiances over just kissing someone else!! Imagine if they were cheated on? my guess is it would be a cold day in he(ll) before they'd ever speak to them again.

 

Im not sure it helps much, but maybe one way of looking at this is be glad you found out before you got married... Your life would become even worse if you married the guy and he was doing this. Or imagine having his kids and him running around on you. No thanks!

 

Sorry you are hurting, hang in there and just keep writing!

[PegNosePete]

Well done for doing it! It's for the best in the long run.

 

Now...I'm here, glass of wine in hand and I'M FREAKING OUT! I feel so alone...no one to talk to at this time of night and am breaking down physically and emotionally!

It is hard yes. But you can always come here and rant. The Coping forum is a friendly place. Make sure not to overdo the booze, alcohol is a depressant.

 

I'm a beautiful woman.

Then, you will have no problem finding someone who will treat you right. Your cheatdar just needs adjusting. Learn from this experience and remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

 

I keep thinking that I'm not good enough and my self-esteem is at ground level. Please I need some advice to help me stop feeling this way!

You have to realize that the problem lies entirely with him, not you. He is the a-hole here. He is the cheater. He is the one whose permanent record says "cheater", he is the one who is going to get that awkward pause when he has "that conversation" with any future partners. He is the one whose next GF will always be suspicious because of his actions. He is the one who treated you badly and it is him that has lost a loving wife - whereas you have dodged a bullet. Believe me it is wayyy better to have found out now than to be going through a divorce!! I know this first hand and many here will agree!

[kourtney01]

I just realized that he took my engagement ring with him last night when he left..grrrr

 

How low can you get?

 

I thought that when the man breaks the promise by CHEATING and LYING...the woman is entitled to keep the ring?

 

I never ONCE cheated on him or lied to him about the smallest thing.

[PegNosePete]

It's my understanding that an engagement ring is a symbol of a promise to marry. When the marriage is called off (for whatever reason) it is usually returned to the purchaser.

 

That's what Judge Judy says, anyway!

[Chi townD]

Girl! DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!

 

First off, be glad he took the ring with him. Because the ring would have been a constant reminder of him and besides, it's also a reminder of the promises he couldn't keep to you; hence, the thing is worthless.

 

Try not to be down on yourself, you did the right thing for yourself and cut that cancer out of your life. So, what does that tell me? That you are beautiful and independant and you know that you are worth sooo much more that what he was doing to you. In my eyes that is extremely attractive. A woman that will give back the love that she's getting, but, will not stand to be treated like a doormat and lied too and cheated on.

 

You many feel down now and a little empty but you've taken the steps to prove your self worth. I will say with a level of certainity that you will find a guy that is gonna "rock your world", but until he finds you. ENJOY LIFE! Spend time with friends and family. Occupy your time doing fun things. You will get through this, trust me.

[sally4sara]

His actions are not a reflection of your worth. They are a reflection of his character and stupidity. Don't confuse the two.

 

If he ends up with this girl he has been cheating with it won't be because she is better. It is because she is the one hanging around in your wake. Leftovers. Consolation prize. The next one he will cheat on.

 

So what is it she is gaining? What did you lose? Nothing that was going to make you happy after all. Be glad its her and not you anymore and let her have her spin while it lasts. She's just a future wine drinker and her freak out is waiting for her.

Edited January 7, 2011 by sally4sara

[kourtney01]

He has cheated many times..but yet puts on this act that he loves me and he's sooo in love and wants to marry me...I just don't understand why...

 

We were planning a wedding this is serious business...why not be single, live the bachelor life and not have to hide anything from anyone...why do it like this?

 

I'm heartbroken

[Lovegood]

He has cheated many times..but yet puts on this act that he loves me and he's sooo in love and wants to marry me...I just don't understand why...

 

We were planning a wedding this is serious business...why not be single, live the bachelor life and not have to hide anything from anyone...why do it like this?

 

I'm heartbroken

 

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I have to give you props for calling it off, I know that takes a lot of guts.

 

I think he just wanted to have his cake and eat it too. You sound like you're a wonderful person and he knew this. He knew that you were exactly the person that he should marry, but apparently he is selfish and figured if he could have something on the side then why not?

 

Let her have him, he will do the same thing over and over again. Find yourself a man who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated.

[ComeUndone]

You did the right thing. Post here when you feel any urge to try to talk to him... we can help you get through this.

 

He is a cheater and you would not want to be married to someone like that. Even if he came up and begged for your forgiveness right now and admitted how wrong he was, you would never trust him again. What kind of life is that? You have to know deep down, beneath all the sadness, that you deserve more than that. You will get over this pain.. you will get over him. Eventually you will be in a good enough place to meet the right person for you.

 

Oh and the ring is his. Had you married, the ring would be yours. You don't want it anyway... it's only going to bring you heartache.