hunter Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 I work in an office of 5 people and there is one man who I work very closely with. We have become very close and we share things that he probably does not share with his wife. We have a great working relationship. We have crossed that line of the co-worker relationship (no we have not slept together). Although I would like to. The problem is that when he is flirting with me, I know that it is wrong, but I am very much attracted to him. Did I say very much, we have a great chemistry together. Another problem is that I respect his wife very much and she is the nicest person that I have ever met. And I am feeling guilty and awful because of some of the things that we have done together. The reason that I am attracted to him is because he is not like my b/f at all. My b/f is a workaholic who is working too many hours to build me this great life with the big house and the fancy cars and I don't want it at all. What I want from him is his time, which the co-worker gives me. I have talked to the b/f about the problem, and nothing comes out of it. My b/f works all the time and we rarely do anything together as he wants to save and save our money to pay for our acreage. Meanwhile the co-worker takes me out for lunch and we go out of town to business meetings and have a great time together. But the problem is I don't want to end things with the co-worker. Yet I know they are wrong. I am 33 years old and I know better, so what is my problem.....other than the fact that I am getting what I want with the co-worker that I am not gettting at home. I have typed up many e-mails ending this relationship, only never to send them. And I visualize in my head all the time the outcome if ever we were found out. What would eveyone think, the strain it would cause on our families, and yet we still continue. Leaving this job is not an option. He makes $ 46,0000 per year and I make $ 35,000 per year. Link to post Share on other sites
stefany Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 Strikes me as funny you say your bf is a workaholic. Have you ever wondered if he too was involved in something like you are? How would you feel if he was? Would you not care that he was spending his "work" time fratinizing with a coworker? Maybe your coworkers wife is at home thinking the samething about her husband. Maybe she is sitting there very hurt while thinking her husband is a workaholic. All I'm saying is that this is not ok. So many people will be hurt and so many relationships will suffer. And if it gets out do you think that he will keep this going with you? No, probably not. Look it is easy to fall in love with more than one person. But why can't ya'll enjoy eachother on a friendship level? I have met men that I wouldn't mind hooking up with but honestly in the long run it wouldn't be worth it. Yet we get along so well...and there is harmles flirting. But I think the right choice is to keep that person as a friend. You are going to find people attractive and have a lil crush from time to time...but you need to really think about the consiquences that will come if you take action. Usually the respect of the others wife or gf and the love for your husband or bf out weigh the excitement of the unknown. Ya'll need to stop this before you all get hurt. You don't want the drama that will come of this. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted September 5, 2003 Share Posted September 5, 2003 looks to me your options are pretty straightforward: dump your boyfriend and find someone who is able to meet your needs; or deepen your affair with the married co-worker. Personally, I think the affair stinks, because you've got better options than what you're exploring. Your coworker cannot solve problems that are driving you away from your boyfriend ... It's time to sit down with your guy and have a heart to heart with him about the needs of y'alls relationship. If he's not willing to commit himself emotionally, then maybe it's time to go, time to find someone who IS on the same page as you about how a relationship works, and who ISN'T married or working with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Hunter Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 Thanks all for the help I have decided to be the grown up here and talk to the co-worker about our little arrangement at the office. I was honest with him, just because I am the one in an unloved and almost meaningless relationship, I have no right to interfer with his. He and his wife have been married for 15 years, and I hate myself for even thinking that I wanted him. He apologized too for leading me on, he said that he has been committed to his wife for such a long time, that when he realized that I liked him, it was nice to be wanted by someone else. He is an older man 55, and he was feeling that he had lost that quality to be able to be attracted or worthy of someone else. We had a long talk, and he knows that I am hurt, but I deserve that, like what the hell was I thinking. I am not the kind of person that goes around hurting people, and I wanted to take this arrangement farther than the friendship level. I am glad that your posts made me grow up before something awful happened like we were found on. The problem now, is that I am hurting beyond the hurt, and he knows this. I never wanted to fall in love with this man, I really didn't, I am not even sure what I wanted to come out of this office hanky panky. But one thing is that I know it is over, and that is ok. How do I get past this hurt while having to work with him on a daily basis, when my heart is getting ripped out over and over, and I have to see on a daily basis what a great man he is to his wife and other co-workers. Quitting work is not an option. Once again, thank to you all........ Link to post Share on other sites
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