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cheating bf gave me money: should I give it back?

Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 25th August 2003, 9:05 AM   #1
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cheating bf

I just found my bf cheating on me last night... but before this happened he had given me some money to go shopping for him. My friend says its mine now. Do you guys think I should give it back?
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Old 25th August 2003, 9:18 AM   #2 Alumni
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YEP!!! Give it back. I wouldn’t want anything that pertains to him.

Its not about sticking it up his bum and telling him that its your money now and your keeping it, its about saying, ‘You know what, you can have your stinking money cos I don’t need you or your money!’

Don’t hold onto it thinking its payment or retribution in any way cos its not! Give it back!

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Old 26th August 2003, 9:12 AM   #3
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cheating bf... observation

I posted yesterday about my "cheating bf" but Im a bit confused..... (A BIT LONG)

Ok heres the story, Sunday night about 5 I go over to my bf's apt and there is one of his female friends. (I dont think nothing of it because he always has ppl over and a lot of his friends are female. Ive been cool with it, havent acted jealous or anything.) I pick up his laundry. I call him when Im finished with the clothes but tell him I wont be over till later. I ask him if he wants to come eat dinner with me and my family. He tells me no, that him and this girl just had pizza. (Im still cool with it.) I call into work so we can see each other more. I havent had a day off in 12 days and it felt like I was neglecting him. So, I get over there around 10, this girl is STILL there!!!!

After less then an hour he says hes ready for bed and asks me if it would be ok if his friend slept on the couch because her and her bf were "having problems" and shes been smoking pot all day and is a little too messed up to go home. I said fine I dont care.

Before my bf goes to his room, he mentioned something about going to brush his teeth, which he doesnt do that right before bed, he does that a bit earlier. My thinking is, hes wanting to kiss someone and thats why hes doing RIGHT before bed. I now start to get suspicious.

I go with him to his bedroom and tuck him in. Im sitting next to him on the bed and start rubbing his chest, like I do every night as hes going to bed. I lean down to kiss him goodbye but hes pretty much "asleep". I go into the living room and ask his friend if she wants me to turn off all the lights, she asks to leave one on.

I go down to my car and something doesnt feel right. So I go back upstairs and look in his living room window. Hes out of bed , he turns off the light that I left on per her request, and they are going towards the back of the apt. This is a 2 room apt. The kitchen pretty much in the living room and you have to go through his room to get to the bathroom.

I start to freak out, run down to my car and start to cry. I start to go home, but after about 5 mins of driving I decide to go back. I knock on the door and look in the window to see whats going on, hes coming out of his roon with a bottle of pick stuff in his hands. I thik its a bottle of lotion that he uses on me. I knock again and I see her run out of his room and jump on the couch. When he answers the door I start yelling at him. I wont even let him say one word to me.

OK now to last night. I go over to his place to talk. He says I over reacted. He said that she was on her monthly cycle and that she bleed all over his couch, and he was getting up to clean it but if that were true why did he turn out the light in the living room? I went to his bedroom to talk to him (a house full of people were in and out all night) and what do I see, a condom and its not one of ours.

he still instists nothing happened, maybe I stopped it before it did happen, I dont know. Should I trust him and stay or should I just say f**k it and leave? I have put more into our relationship then he has. Maybe I should move on to someone that will put as much into "us" as I do. I dont know, Im sooo confused.

Since I had worked for 12 days straight, (I work nights and he works days) we hadnt had much of a sex life. I though it was because of our schedules but last night he told me that we dont have sex because he cant get me off and he feels like Im not enjoying it. Which I love our sex life, even though he cant get me off.

PLEASE HELP ME!!! I dont know what to do.
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Old 26th August 2003, 9:41 AM   #4
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you know, first of all, it seems like you are being his mother, which girl, isnt fair to you. what are you doing doing his laundry- and tucking him into bed? dont! unless its reciprocated! and why didnt you sleep over there when that girl was staying as well?
i think an unwritten rule is that it is very disrespectful to have a friend of the opposite sex spend the night at your house when you have a SO. its plain rude. so whats his damn deal. and why didnt he just drive her home?? something sounds fishy. i would so dump this creep. move on and get happy again, you deserve it.
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Old 26th August 2003, 9:54 AM   #5
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After that whole incident I can't even believe you still talk to this guy.

Burn his laundry!
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Old 26th August 2003, 10:06 AM   #6
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Obviously something was going on. She had just laid on the couch and all of a sudden bled on his couch? She doesn't know how to use a tampon or pad? Like you said, he wouldn't have cleaned it in the dark either. Why would she need to be in his room for him to clean it? Then why did she jump back on the couch when you came to the door?

He is lying to you and it's quite obvious. He already stated that he wasn't happy with your sex life, so he's going to seek it somewhere else. Not to mention that it's highly inappropriate that she spent the night at his place. That's disrespectful to you. You could have driven her home since you had the night off.

You mentioned that he doesn't put as much into the relationship as you do. You both have expressed your unhappiness with the relationship. Either vow to improve things or break up and find a guy that will think you're the best thing since sliced bread. You deserve it!!
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Old 26th August 2003, 10:39 AM   #7
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Its not that Im acting like his mom, he works long hours doing construction work so I try to help out. And I dont actually "tuck" him in, I go with him and pretty much cuddle with him till he falls asleep.

I couldnt stay the night with him that night because I was driving someone else's car and I dont think they would have understood me staying over there till 8 in the morning (when he leaves for work). Plus I had school early the next morning (had to be up at 6:30), so I had to be home to get my car.

I do agree that it was disrespectful even though I said I would be cool with the situation. He should have told her that either I would drive her home or he would.

I havent really expressed any unhappiness in our relationship til now, so far we have been doing pretty well. I loved the relationship we had up to this point.

One of my friends has told me that there is a such thing as being too nice, I guess I can be that way when I really want a relationship to work.
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Old 26th August 2003, 12:11 PM   #8
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one day, maybe soon enough, you being "too nice" will pay off with a great guy that appreciates it and will return the favor. I used to be one of the "too nice" ppl and i finally met someone that is even nicer than me and is willing to do all the things i am willing to do for him. so i suggest you dump this bastard and one day maybe soon, a super great guy will come along. dont be taken for granted, you seem to be a great girlfriend- just need someone who appreciates you.
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Old 26th August 2003, 12:31 PM   #9
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Just an addition to Jalexy's comment

one day, maybe soon enough...a super great guy will come along. dont be taken for granted...
A major reason that people choose to stay in relationships that don't work is the fear of being alone. I completley understand this fear, though I'm doing my best to realize that being alone is essential if I ever expect to know what the hell I want for myself, both in a relationship and otherwise. When you're in a situation where you treat your SO like a "baby" and he does not reciprocate on some level, chances are that you will end up giving and giving, and being more and more taken advantage of over time. It will be "expected" of you, and because you've convinced yourself that he's wonderful and things are great, you'll keep spreading yourself thinner and thinner for less and less from him.

A key to being the nice person is that you have to respect yourself. If you don't, then HE certainly won't. I'm not saying that you should suddenly be mean-spirited or nasty to him. I'm saying that you've got to have tangible limitations that the two of you recognize and can agree on. Again, it's about communication! Also, if you don't know what you want, you certainly can't expect to have anyone else figure that out for you. I'm not saying that's what is going on in your case, but I felt inclined to add that for whatever reason.

Sorry to sound preachy...I have just gotten out of a very difficult marriage that started out very similarly to what you've written about here. Learn to value yourself. It doesn't mean being egotistical! It just means recognizing that as a human being, you deserve to be treated as well as you're willing to treat someone else.
"Mom...The Easter Bunny...HAS EGGS!!" My four year old daughter as she literally falls to the ground laughing hysterically, marking one of the most completely absurd yet strangely fulfilling moments in my life - ever.
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