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MichelleDrysdale

I really started to get to know a guy at work. We are both married (although I am unhappily married) and in our forties. I guess I developed a bit of a crush on him. I always felt like the attraction was reciprocal. We recently traveled together on a business trip. We talked on the flight, and at one point he mentioned he was returning to this city with his wife on a pre-planned birthday trip. I jokingly told him I was jealous because my husband had organised a birthday trip for me and we hadn't yet managed to get away. Otherwise we talked generally. Anyhow, we arrived at our hotel and decided to go out to eat. The hotel owner suggested a place 15 minutes away by foot. I changed clothes and we started out but he changed his mind and got agitated. He wanted us to eat in a simpler place and made a point of saying that if he was going to go eat in a romantic restaurant, he would go with his wife. I think he got worried that the restaurant we were going to was intimate. At dinner I called my husband from my cell phone but even with this, it seemed like he was very uncomfortable. When a flower seller tried to sell us roses, he made a big deal of saying "no" and minutes later when a musicien asked for money, he made a big deal of saying that "I will pay for this but not for flowers". I was getting really embarrassed as there was no suggestion from my part that I wanted to go to bed with him. When we went back to the hotel, he so quickly said good night that I practically fled to my room. I am wondering if my behaviour led him to believe that I was hoping to get him in bed with me, or what on earth could cause him to act like this? I guess I had asked him some personal questions or made comments to him, but mostly our conversation was pretty normal. I feel really embarrassed now because I have to work with him and also travel with him again. what made him act like this? Was he trying to set me straight or was it him, and maybe he did have feelings for me? I know that I still believe there is a spark between us....and I can't stop thinking about him...

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This mirrors some responses from MW's once they realize what is 'really' happening. They reclaim their boundaries. This presumes that the circumstances aren't a situational ego feed, and I don't believe it was in your case.

 

Regardless, in any circumstance, the contact is inappropriate. Imagine your H sitting at the next table with one of his female business colleagues/clients/customers/friends and acting similarly and observing you. Interesting prospect, isn't it?

 

Welcome to LS. :)

 

FTR, I'm a former MM and OM. I've been there. Good luck :)

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MichelleDrysdale

thanks for answering but I am not sure I understand what you are saying.... could you explain more in detail? For example, am I making a fool of myself??

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For example, am I making a fool of myself??

 

IMO, it's not reasonable for strangers to answer that question, as we're ignorant of all the facts. However, the person who could answer that question may be having dinner with you tonight; that would be your husband. He knows you better than any of us.

 

My opinion is that the man in this case, regardless of his 'feelings' or 'attraction', was claiming his marital boundaries once it became apparent how your interaction could be perceived. The somewhat confusing actions you observed were evidence of that. The only way to know his true 'feelings' is to ask him directly and hope he gives you an honest answer.

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