sunnie23 Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 Question- I went to toronto for the SARS concert a couple of days ago. when i got back my bf called-we chatted and he mentioned that while i was gone he went to his female friends house and watched a movie with her and another girl whom i have never met. he lives pretty far away from the city we live in (about an hour drive) so he spent the night on her couch. this makes me really uncomfortable. but i'm not sure if i have the right to be angry-i have plenty of male friends but i would never spend the night with them.... anyway tonight he wants me to go out with all his friends, this girl included, so i don't think he's cheating, but i'm still unsure. is this an ok thing to do in a relationship? it seems so wrong to me. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleAngel Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 If it feels wrong, it probably is wrong. Follow your instinct. Speak with him about how what he did made you feel uncomfortable, or even mad if that’s what it did. He cannot debate with that. All you need to do is NOT to tell him what to do, but to tell him that by doing what he did that it made you feel in a certain way. By his future actions he might demonstrate to you that he agrees OR respects you, your love and your feelings and might chose not to do it again, and if he doesn’t, well you know what they say “A leopard doesn't change his spots!” SO it’s either accept as he is OR review the relationship! Good Luck ~PurpleAngel~ Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 YOU WRITE: "is this an ok thing to do in a relationship?" As long as he doesn't make a habit of it, he doesn't sleep on the same couch as another girl, there is no sexual intercourse, no touching, no kissing, etc. If you express anger to him, you'll simply send him the message that he can't be honest and forthright with you and it will be simpler in the future to keep things like this from you. So if you want to discourage him from giving you touchy details of his days, just show anger and punish him for being honest. Encourage people to be open with you by responding in appropriate ways that do not discourage continued communication. Yes, you can express disappointment to him but don't go on and on about it. That's such a great way to close him up! Celebrate that he told you of this. When he stops is when you should become angry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunnie23 Posted August 1, 2003 Author Share Posted August 1, 2003 so the best thing for me to do is ignore it? Link to post Share on other sites
vixen Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 address it, dont get angry, just go, hey, i'm glad you told me about it. (do this in person, eye contact) but it kinda makes me a bit uncomfortable. Be open, be honest, he must know how you feel, but don't get angry, don't get wishy washy, act as if your talking about the weather. keep it undercontrol. It's always best to comunicate. If he does stuff like this often after this, and you never said anything, then your at fault too. And if he did do that stuff, and you never said anything and chose to leave becouse of it, then you never gave him fair warning, and that isn't the 2 way street law of a relationship. Vixen Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 1, 2003 Share Posted August 1, 2003 YOU ASK: "so the best thing for me to do is ignore it?: Nobody in this thread has advised you to do that. Go back and read the all the posts a few times. Take a deep breath before each read so you will be totally relaxed and will better understand what is said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunnie23 Posted August 1, 2003 Author Share Posted August 1, 2003 ok, i understand what you're saying. let him know i'm uncomfortable and see what happens. i was worrying maybe he crossed a boundary and i wasn't paying enough attention. the part that gets to me most is he did it while i was out of town......... but oh well. when i see him tonight i'll share my feelings. thanks for your help, all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sunnie23 Posted August 6, 2003 Author Share Posted August 6, 2003 update- i waited until last night to bring it up. i told him that i wasn't mad, that i do trust him, but that i was uncomfortable with him sleeping at her house. he apologized, and admitted that had i slept at my best guy friend's house he'd be pissed. i don't understand the double standard but oh well, he said sorry, all i can do now is let it go i guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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