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After 22 years, I get the bomb dropped on me and I still cling


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Ok! Here is the story.....

Married 1987, no children for the 1st 10yrs then boom! 3yrs later boom again! So fast forward some.....

16 yrs into this marriage my wife has an affair with a high school boyfriend, I freak out cry like a baby, We go to a marriage counselor and move to another city! One day going to a session my says "can't I see him? it's JUST SEX!" my reply is no!

So fast forward again 6yrs later (mind you I never have hit her, cheated on her or screamed and cussed her....never!)

Friday night April 16th, 2010 (my birthday April 17th) she wants to go dancing with a couple of girl friends....no problem I trust her really!

They pick her up at 8pm, she text me a couple of times and says its ok but the place is boring! I say "go have fun and dance your @XX off!

430am she comes home and her friends comes in and takes a pee! lol

Friend leaves and wife goes up stairs to shower, so I wait 10 minutes and go up to see her and hear about her night!

I walk into the bath room and she is texting someone and get pissed off because "I can't even take a F***ing shower with you coming in) So I grab her phone and it is open to drafts and I read the following...........

"I know I'm not what you want or what you need, but it's just sex!"

WTF I say, she says I was sending it to you. She then goes bonkers and starts throwing stuff breaking glass and what not!

I leave her to pass out and sleep, 1030am she calls me and says please come home and talk, I do she tried to lie but I showed her the data from AT&T text sent and recv... about every minute from 8pm until 430am

to the same number, It's Harry G. another high school boyfriend!

I call Harry he says no physical contact ever happened and he will never contact her again! She gets pissed and she says I want a divorce!

I cry ( don't know why) she wants to see other people.....hmmmm

So we been going through all this stuff and she says I can have our boys from Sunday night to Friday night, she'll take them on Friday night to Sunday night! WOW! I'm tickled pink....

She has not had to work since our 13yr old was born!

She now says she can stay if I want to have an "OPEN MARRIAGE"!

With a few rules: Don't ask. Don't tell, condoms no over nighters etc.

Well Hell No!

She has ripped my manhood off and I read into this as follows...

I'm good enough for her financially, but she wants to have sex with who ever she meets!

She wants no alimony or child support, the Lawyer says end of July before it is final...

So why do I still love and want to be with this cold hearted BIT**?

I told her today pack your stuff and leave now!

She said when she finds a place......this is so hard, but I got to be strong for my boys! But it is so freaking hard!

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I would tell her you will keep the boys you get out of here and then think about you and your boys.She has no remorse you are worth more then that.Their is good woman out there that have been through the same thing and dont cheat and would love a honest relationship she is whacked.good luck,read and you will also get more advice here.hang in there I know how painful this is.:lmao:

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Maggotface

Because she's all you've known for so long. I know because I was my ex-husbands doormat even after the divorce and I was only with him for three years.

 

I know it's hard but you need to put your foot down. It sounds like she's going through a wild streak and you can't let her have her way, you are her husband. Marriage is a two way street not just whatever she wants. She is being selfish and not even thinking about her children.

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I told her today pack your stuff and leave now!

Good! stick with this one... change the locks too. move your money. tell family and the OM's W too (if he has one).

 

 

She said when she finds a place

 

oh no - not her rules anymore - get her cheating fanny to the curb. regain your self respect as soon as she's out. she gives women a bad name. :sick:

 

i'm sorry for your pain - not all women are this way.

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Thank you all!

She has lost a75lbs and feels she is the S**T and spend great amounts of time on FaceB**k, uses her H.S. pic as her profile pic, I just can't stand it no more! I got 2 let her crash and burn and not let her take me and the boys with her. :sick:

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Tell her to get out of your house this instant. Explain that you're going to be petitioning for full custody of your kids, and suing her for child support. Time for her to find a job.

 

And then thank your lucky stars that you're in WV, and not CA.

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vintagecat

Holy sh*t. I know you still love her but document the crap out of what's going on, petition to take the kids full time if you are up to it, divorce her sorry butt and kick her to the curb with nothing where she belongs. Let her begin to learn the lessons of life struggles and trust me she won't always be on that high horse.

 

While it's probably a version of mid-life crisis, there is zero reason to put up with abuse and serial infidelity. Reading between the lines, you are in your 40s and frankly there are not enough single men in that age group to go around and a lot of deserving women in their 30s/40s who would like to find a nice steady man. If you can get this albatross from around your neck, put this thing behind you and get out there in a meaningful way, your life will very likely improve a great deal.

 

Story time: A good friend of mine who is very attractive (looks a lot like Sela Ward), who is accomplished, financially independent and kind met a man in her 40s that has turned out to be her life mate who's wife did very similar things to him after 20+ years of marriage. My friend married this man and they are happily together today.

 

Meanwhile the ex-wife had her wild times, threw away a perfectly good husband and now has no man, no money, a menial job that she'll have to hold till she's very old, indifferent children and is generally on the outside looking in on her family. She partied for a while but eventually ran out of steam (after all there's not much of a market for a 40 something party girl with no resources) and while she finally figured out what matters, it was too late to retrieve what she carelessly tossed aside. Not for the lack of trying on her ex-husband's part either, who tried to hold the household together for over a year with her gone for days, out partying all night etc, abusive and derisive when at home.

 

It might be tempting to think that you can't do better for yourself than this terrible scenario but you seem rational enough from this one conversation, so look into your side of things, see what you can do to improve yourself and move on to find your life.

 

Good luck with all of this. Tough times ahead but the only way to better is through it.

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Your better off starting over. If she is ready to get out on good terms take it. She has no options in most cases on child support, whoever has custody will get support this is not negotiated in the divorce and most states mandate it. Also since she has been with you so long she can probably still get 50% of everything you have and permanent alimony, even if she did treat you like crap. So be cool until the settlement is done then have a party, I can guarantee as bad as you feel now you deserve better than you got and you will end up happier.

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I don't think I can give any better advice than everybody before me, but so sorry you have been treated this way. My ex's uncle had the same thing happen to him -- his wife lost a bunch of weight and wanted to act like a teenager again all of a sudden, even though she has teenage children herself! It is nuts and inexcusable. No reason for it really.

 

Things will get better for you! There are better women out there.

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look up Gunny's old posts, he's got some great advice.

 

am really sorry to hear that your wife's being a shxt ... you deserve better than that, and I hope you find it.

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lostsunsets

First off, if you haven't cut off the finances to her. Do it now! No bank account, no credit cards. This will crimp her catting around when she has to make money. Stay strong. She is a serial cheater. There are plenty of good women out there who won't cheat on you. Nothing wrong with a few tears. Its good to hear that you are not letting that effect your decision making.

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hopesndreams

I told her today pack your stuff and leave now!

She said when she finds a place.....

 

The sooner she is out of your home, the better. The more time she spends with you, under the same roof, the more chance she can come up with bullsh*t excuses and crocodile tears. She would then be taking the old high school bf's deep underground or worse, flaunting them in your face!

 

Does she not have relatives/friends she could stay with? Who is going to fund her apartment since she isn't working?

 

Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise and see the family doc if need be. You know the drill, you've been through this horrible nightmare before, but this time, make things different by putting yourself and the kids first.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Reality Drip

You have your head on fairly straight; you know what she really wants from you. It's hard NOT to still love the woman you married and whom bore your children.

 

It's even harder still since we all love a cold-hearted chick that makes herself seem unobtainable.

 

-Max

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jnj express

She wants sex with others, while you watch and support her-----yes you did the right thing, in kicking her out. DO NOT WEAKEN

 

As to child custody---go for full custody---she has no visible means to support the kids cept for the child support you would be supplying. She probably can't get a job, as most likely she has no skills in today's job market. She will not be a competent mother, also your kids will be subjected to a string of loser guys, tramping thru her living quarters.

 

Since she has also left the home, you can also get her for abandonment.

 

Cut off all her financials, credit cards, put bank acct in your name---and give her NO MONEY at this point in time----let's see how she fast she comes running home and begs for forgiveness when the money tree dries up----cuz I guarantee you her sex partners arn't gonna support her.

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SueBee3490

So sorry to read about your pain.

 

I just don't get it why all the women who get a good guy treat them like crap and those of us women that want the good men get the ones that treat us like crap! If that's your picture, you would have alot of women after you ;)

 

I know you have alot of years together so it will be incredibly hard to divorce but you do need to think about yourself and your kids now. Good luck!

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