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Snooped through her cell phone


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 
 
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Old 8th March 2010, 11:13 AM   #1
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Snooped through her cell phone

I've been divorced for three years and it ended due my XW cheating on me. I've just recently become engaged to my fiancÚ who I truly feel is the love of my life. Last week I took my kids to Disneyworld for a week. She couldn't come due to work obligations.

We have a very loving relationship where we talk and Text all day long. Last Thursday I had taken my kids to the pool so I didn't get her call right then. Once I saw she called I called her back. She ended up texting me a couple of hours later saying she was karaoking with her friends and that shed call me after. I'm ok with her hanging out with her friends but it was getting late and I really wanted to hear her voice. She could tell I was agitated and asked what was wrong so I told her that I was agitated she couldn't call me for at least a min and how she keeps the phone glued to her and it wasn't that hard to call. She text back "wow, whatever. Good night" I didn't text her back but the next morning she text me if I was still mad at her. I was and got into it and she countered with. If our relationship was going to me checking up on her all the time than forget it. She than went on to say that she loved me and missed me and can't wait to see me and she didn't want to fight with me.
I got home and things were really good. So I dropped the whole issue.

I stayed at her house last night and her son was acting up so she went to his room to comfort her and ended up sleeping there. I ended up bumping into her cell phone and I couldn't help it. I snooped. I saw a bunch of texts from some guy named XX and they had pretty flirty exchanges. Like "I really hate you l.. Do you hate me more?" and she called him "daddy". From the looks of it they have known each other a while. So I looked at their texts and Friday day her texts was:
her: guess what
him: what
her: I'm sick
him: it must have been you kissing me
her: I didn't kiss you
him: you must have when I fell asleep

from some other texts I read he apparently spent the night.

Wow! Seriously? Even if he was just a friend what's with the playful banter? I know I shouldn't have snooped but having been burned before I have to make sure. I would happily let her go through my phone. Even if nothing happened between them she's still covering it up. I'm truly gutted. This woman is my life and she says that she is completely in love with me. Her ex husband supposedly cheated on her but she found out after they separated and the reason he divorced her was he suspected her of cheating on him with a coworker. She says it's was unwarranted and nothing happened btweeb them. One recent text was to that co worker in question asking to hang out again.

We are planning to get married and I have to be sure. From the looks of it I'm getting played. Am I overeacting? I know she will say he's just a friend and I shouldn't be going through her cell phone but if she truly had nothing to hide than I wouldn't have found anything. I truly love this girl and I don't know if I can be without her but this will just eat me alive...

Last edited by Wildabeest; 8th March 2010 at 11:19 AM..
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Old 8th March 2010, 11:19 AM   #2
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Cancel the wedding.

She's a cheater.

Move on.

You don't owe her an explanation.
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Old 8th March 2010, 11:21 AM   #3
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Yes, I think you're overreacting a bit. It doesn't sound like infidelity on her part, but it seems like there's a few sparks in the kindling that could ignite.

You have some serious trust issues, she has some issues about being open and honest with you. At a minimum the marriage talk needs to be cooled way off, especially with children involved. You two need to have a serious discussion about what both of your expectations are.
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Old 8th March 2010, 12:18 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildabeest View Post
I've been divorced for three years and it ended due my XW cheating on me.
Yeah, you have trust issues... and you have every right to. I'm in the same boat as you, and since my marriage failed, I've walked away from otherwise wonderful women because of stuff like this. The fact that she has such a huge problem with you "checking up" on her, especially after being cheated on herself, is a little strange. At the very least, it shows a severe lack of understanding on her part. Do you really want to go down that road again? Enter into a life where you are constantly wondering? Not me. I'd openly and calmly discuss this and tell her what you found. If she was anything other than understanding and completely open to discussion about it, I'd turn around and start walking.

Don't listen to anyone who tries to put this on you. Go into this remembering two things. 1:There is no reason on earth, short of some sort of disaster, that another man should be spending the night anywhere around your fiance without your prior knowledge and consent. 2:She should have no real objections to you "snooping" in her phone if she has nothing to hide.
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Old 8th March 2010, 12:29 PM   #5
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Thanks for the advice. Ignorance truly is bliss. I am definitely confronting her about this. If she truly does care about me she will want to work things out.
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Old 8th March 2010, 12:31 PM   #6
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Watch out for the gaslight. It's coming
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Old 8th March 2010, 12:49 PM   #7
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When she gets angry at you for looking at her cell phone and blames you, tell her that anger is only a mask for the shame she won't admit for playing around on you, and apparently the ends justified the means.
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Old 8th March 2010, 2:15 PM   #8
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If this guy is sleeping over. And she isn't honest about it. Dump her.
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Old 8th March 2010, 3:47 PM   #9
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What's a guy doing sleeping over your fiancee's house to begin with? That can ultimately lead to danger.
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Old 8th March 2010, 3:54 PM   #10
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Don't confront her!

If you confront her and you're wrong, where will that lead you. In my opinion you don't have any proof. Until you've got proof the only thing you're going to do is to make yourself look bad.

ChatRoomHero makes a very clear point... she's going to get mad at you for snooping. If you want to maintain the upper hand in this you have to have proof. Text messages mean nothing.
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Old 8th March 2010, 3:59 PM   #11
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She spent the night with him , or part of it. They had sex but did not kiss because he has a cold.

Still, she got it anyway.
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Old 8th March 2010, 5:31 PM   #12
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Look at it this way, i'm sure your first wife was your life at one point just like your fiance.
You got over your wife.
You'll get over this one.

Just ask her who "insert guy's name here" is & watch her eyeballs pop out of their sockets.

Trust me they will.

you've known this woman how long? You are getting married. There is absolutly no reason you would not know all of her friends (man or woman) by this time unless they lived out of town.

Also, if she's hanging out with this guy & has never said his name to you then she is keeping it from you for a reason.

Sounds just like my situation with my STBXW. She had a "good friend" I never met or even heard of. She was banging him.
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Old 8th March 2010, 6:37 PM   #13
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So....I called her and told her I wanted to talk about the unresolved issue we had of her getting defensive about her actions last thursday night. I asked her what she did that night. She said that she was hanging out at a friends house doing karaoke like she said. I asked her who she was with. Her friend (girl) and some other people. I asked her point blank was there any guys there. She said a few husbands of friends were there. I than asked her point blank, who is XXX. She said, why. I said I looked through her cell phone and there were incriminating texts exchanged between the two of them.

She than proceeded to calmly explain that XXX was an old boyfriend she dated about 5 years ago for about 1.5 years. She said that they were strictly friends and there was no romantic interest between them. I asked her if he spent the night, she emphatically denied him ever spending the night and the text messages about kissing (or not kissing) was completely innocuous.

She wasn't angry with me snooping on her phone and she said that she had nothing to hide. She is only in love with me and would never do anything to hurt me. I asked her why she never mentioned XXX. She said she has a lot of guy friends that she still chats with so she didn't think it was worth bringing up everyone she was talking to.

I thought about it and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. She said that she is glad that I brought it up to her and loved our relationship so far because we nip problems in the bud and I'm willing to deal with things as they come up and not let them fester.

I feel a lot better having this conversation with her but I still get this nagging feeling that she just might be a smooth operator. I really don't think she hasn't been untruthful to me but she also hasn't been completely forthright in her actions. The dynamic has changed though...In the immortal words of DeNiro in Meet the parents..."I've got my eye on you Fokker" so now if she wants to cheat she'll just have to be a little more sneaky. lol! The thing is... I do trust her and believe that she wouldn't cheat on me. I just don't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly worried about my mate.

The thing is - I'm currently nursing a really bad cold...If I got a cold from her, god knows what else I may have picked up....
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Old 8th March 2010, 6:46 PM   #14
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Not bad for an opener. It'll get better. Tell me, is she high numbers?

Hope you're feeling better soon....colds this year blow...
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Old 8th March 2010, 7:01 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildabeest View Post
So....I called her and told her I wanted to talk about the unresolved issue we had of her getting defensive about her actions last thursday night. I asked her what she did that night. She said that she was hanging out at a friends house doing karaoke like she said. I asked her who she was with. Her friend (girl) and some other people. I asked her point blank was there any guys there. She said a few husbands of friends were there. I than asked her point blank, who is XXX. She said, why. I said I looked through her cell phone and there were incriminating texts exchanged between the two of them.

She than proceeded to calmly explain that XXX was an old boyfriend she dated about 5 years ago for about 1.5 years. She said that they were strictly friends and there was no romantic interest between them. I asked her if he spent the night, she emphatically denied him ever spending the night and the text messages about kissing (or not kissing) was completely innocuous.

She wasn't angry with me snooping on her phone and she said that she had nothing to hide. She is only in love with me and would never do anything to hurt me. I asked her why she never mentioned XXX. She said she has a lot of guy friends that she still chats with so she didn't think it was worth bringing up everyone she was talking to.

I thought about it and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. She said that she is glad that I brought it up to her and loved our relationship so far because we nip problems in the bud and I'm willing to deal with things as they come up and not let them fester.

I feel a lot better having this conversation with her but I still get this nagging feeling that she just might be a smooth operator. I really don't think she hasn't been untruthful to me but she also hasn't been completely forthright in her actions. The dynamic has changed though...In the immortal words of DeNiro in Meet the parents..."I've got my eye on you Fokker" so now if she wants to cheat she'll just have to be a little more sneaky. lol! The thing is... I do trust her and believe that she wouldn't cheat on me. I just don't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly worried about my mate.

The thing is - I'm currently nursing a really bad cold...If I got a cold from her, god knows what else I may have picked up....
Yeah it's completely normal for females to refer their friends as "daddy?" It's even more telling that she did not mention him at all until you asked, or that he spent the night.. Even if something physical did not happen, which you know did, why would you ever want to marry a classless woman with no boundaries? The evidence of her whorishness was staring you right in the face, you know know people can't be taken at face value from your first wife, and yet you choose to believe everything she says on blind faith. Why do you do it? Look, i know you've been hurt before and it must be gutwrenching to have to accept that you've failed in your judgment twice and your time has gone to waste. However by refusing to see the facts for what they are, you're just setting yourself up for a world of hurt. "You can use your illusion, let it take you where it may, but sometimes it's best to live and learn and then just walk away. But me I'm just hanging on in my only place today, at least for now anyway. I've worked too hard for my illusion to throw it all away." - Guns n' Roses

Last edited by Richard Friedman; 8th March 2010 at 7:17 PM..
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