is this wrong?

[bissi]

Hey yall, I've been with my boyfriend for more than a month now. We've been friends for a little more than 2 years and have always liked each other, despite my several encounters with other guys. Sometimes I like him so much, but sometimes I feel like this commitment thing is not for me because I think about the other guys out there.

 

 

At school, some cute guy's been pursuing me. I find him quite attractive but I've turned his offers down and told him I have a boyfriend. He says he still wants to get to know me and just be friends. I'm not stupid so I know I can't really believe that. But he seems really nice and I would like to get to know him. He's asked me to help him study for our class because he's not doing so well.

 

 

Would it be wrong for me to spend time with him when I know he's interested in me and I'm attracted to him? Am I just inviting trouble?

 

 

I know my boyfriend wouldn't approve and tell me I shouldn't be making friends with someone who's interested in me. But I don't have many friends so I was thinking that hanging out at school with him and helping him out with school work wouldn't be a terrible thing.

 

 

One more problem is that I think about him sometimes. I know that would probably give me the answer to my previous question, but I wanted to know if having such thoughts means that I don't really want to be with my boyfriend or is it a normal thing? I know I would never cheat on him but I would want to tell him if my heart wasnt fully in our relationship. What should I do??

[jeannie_mcbeal]

You are stuck in a situation whereby you want to experience other guys, but you are afraid that you may lose the one you already had which may be the best for you. However, you seem young so perhaps you should open up your choices now and look around. But don't go into a situation where temptation is high and you may cheat on your boyfriend. If you want to explore, break up with your boyfriend first and explain to him nicely.

 

Don't talk about excuses on "not many friends in school so it shouldn't be that terrible". You're just trying to find excuses to make your move seem okay. The fact that you're making up excuses for your behaviour proves that you know it's not right to do it.

 

I hereby attach the below for you to read. Whether you want to stick to your choice, or take the chance, it's up to you really.

 

________________

 

Chance or Choice

 

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

 

The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

 

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

 

Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen. I do believe that soul mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.

 

We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mate is still a choice we have to make. We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love... BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly.

[Bryanp]

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your boyfriend wanted to study with a girl that he finds attractive and who finds him very attractive? If you cannot be in a committed relationship then break up with the boyfriend and stop from hurting him later on. Either your boyfriend is not the one for you or you are too immature to be in a committed relationship.

[NEONINK]

That's very nice Jeannie... I just wanted to add, to complicate the matter. Chances sometimes seem so rare. But also, choices are more than just one person's choice. The problem lies in the fact that both of you must make the choice. If it were only up to me... Ah... wouldn't my world be great then. But, no, there has to be that other person involved. Free will. What a hard thing to accept. The other person's chosing.

 

There are a few combinations.

 

1 - I like you, you don't like me.

2 - You like me, I don't like me.

3 - I don't like you, and you don't like me.

4 - We like each other and make the choice.

 

Then choices change. Today what you chose may not be what you chose tomorrow. Some people are definitely more fickle than others. Those people shouldn't even be in relationships.

 

Gosh, it's a wonder anybody works out. I know I'm faced with my own choice of staying or leaving. I hate choices. I just want it all to work out.

[zoecharlene]

You really need to live your life for yourself. If you're having thoughts about him, maybe they are harmless.

 

The best thing about being a woman is you make the choice in either being with a man or not. Kissing, hugging, getting to know one another, getting intimate etc.

 

So help him if you want, just be careful you don't hurt your boyfriend in the process.

 

If you feel you're falling for the other guy, break up with your boyfriend before you get in to deep.

 

Don't hold back on new friendships because you have a boyfriend, just don't be a slut about it and screw your man over.

 

Those thoughts you are having may just be fantasies and once you get to know the guy, you never know he may be someone you want only as a "friend."