dg136 Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I found out about three weeks ago that my fiancee of 6 years had been cheating on me for months now.... I was extremely in love with her and i just moved to a brand new city a few months ago and dont really have any friends or anyone to talk except people from work.... My fiancee was my only support system and i feel so abandonded and empty lile my life was ripped apart... I keep trying to not call her but i only last about a day and i call her asking her to come back even though he was the one that cheated on me... I feel so ridiculous after i do that and so weak.... I know that if i want her to realize how good i was for her and come back to me that i need tp give her space and not seem so needy and to quit acting like a little girl... I just feel like i have nothing else in life and and need to try to get her back to me abd not lose her to another guy.... Is it normal that i am feeling this way? How do i forget her? How do i stop calling? I keep trying to stay distracted but the thougjts are permanently in my hea. And i seem to not be able to get rid oc them? What can i do? How long willit take me to get back on my feet? Any suggestions from someone that lived through this? I just feel like my entire life changed from one moment to the other... Should i answer the phone if she calls? Im such a mess... Thanks for heling i really have no one else to talk to... Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 I know that you are hurting but you need to realize that if she was willing to cheat on you whle you were engaged, then there is no point of wanting her just because you are lonely. She has shown you that she has very little respect for you. She has been cheating for months while you are planning on getting married to her. If she is cheating on you while she is engaged to you. you can almost bet that she will be cheating on you again after you are married. You jusge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes about how little respect she has for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 If you do not respect yourself then who will? Clearly she will not. You won't see it this way for several months yet I am certain, but she did you a favor in doing this before you got married. Being lonely sucks, but instead of focusing on the negative aspects of your current situation, try to find and focus on the positives. Perhaps you've a hobby you'd neglected to spend more time with her. Take it back up. If it can be done in public settings (like a book club if you enjoy reading), then you could start doing something you enjoy and meet new potential friends at the exact same time. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dg136 Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 Can people realize what they did wrong and change? Why is human nature so vicious that people dont learn from the pain they have caused others and correct their mistakes? Do people not deserve a second chance? I thought unconditional love meant loving someone through the good and the bad.... Is there no such a thing as unconditional love? Maybe the only true love is what parents have for their children... Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 My friend some people have a broken moral compass. This was not a drunken one night stand. She has been cheating on your for months while engaged to you. I think that says it all. She knew what she was doing for months. If you wish to delude yourself then so be it. What is that old saying: There is no-one so blind as he who refuses to see. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Can people realize what they did wrong and change? Why is human nature so vicious that people dont learn from the pain they have caused others and correct their mistakes? Do people not deserve a second chance? I thought unconditional love meant loving someone through the good and the bad.... Is there no such a thing as unconditional love? Maybe the only true love is what parents have for their children... In her mind she doesnt think she was wrong. She cheated because she felt she needed something that you couldnt give her. So she wont think she needs to change if this is what she wanted. Best thing you can do is back waaaaay off and wait for her to come crawling back. You cant make it easy for her either. But know this, if she cheated for that long, and you dont talk about what it is she thought you couldnt fullfill for her, she will do it again. Once she sees that you dont need her (or you make it appear that way) she might show up wiuth her tail between her legs. Sucks how it works that way. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Can people realize what they did wrong and change? Why is human nature so vicious that people dont learn from the pain they have caused others and correct their mistakes? Do people not deserve a second chance? I thought unconditional love meant loving someone through the good and the bad.... Is there no such a thing as unconditional love? Maybe the only true love is what parents have for their children... I echo what Bryanp said. She didn't cheat one night and realize it - she continually cheated day after day, week after week, and month after month. That's alot of time to really look at what she was doing and correct it. A very strong reason why I couldn't stay with my H when he had been cheating on me while we were also engaged. He cheated well over 2 1/2 yrs and I just couldn't forgive him because he had 2 1/2 yrs to think about what he was doing and never did quit!! That is unforgivable. It wasn't a ONS - he could have turned his truck around when he had to drive a few hours to see whichever one it was at the time but he didn't. 2 1/2 yrs is a long time to ponder what you are doing and how wrong it is. I couldn't do it to someone I loved so I knew I would never be able to be happy with someone that is capable of doing this to me. It hurts this 3 weeks since d-day is so fresh in your mind that we all go through the same questions you are asking. It's so hard to turn off feelings/love/emotions for someone like a faucet. I've been there. I am so sorry for your pain and especially since you are in a new city where you don't know anyone. Give yourself some time. Many will say to seek counseling - I say go for it if you can - maybe that will help or get into a hobby that you like. Time does help to ease your pain and it really will make you stronger. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
fakobako Posted August 1, 2009 Share Posted August 1, 2009 i know you might feel hate towards me, but i am your girlfriend. not really your gf, but you know what i mean. she knew what she was doing and she'll do it again. do not call her, do not pick up her calls, do not email her, delete her from myspace facebook whatever, if you see her out, let her come talk to you. why? cause ive cheated on someone before, this is how they acted and i felt miserable. granted, i did it again, and she prob will too, but the best revenge is silence. she wont know what youre doing, how youre doing or who youre doing. it will prob drive her nuts. but than if she was really in a "relationship" with this other guy, it wont bother her. than its time for you to move on. these diconnections from her will give you the room you need to heal and find someone else. but even if you dont find someone special right away, it will allow you to go out and meet people. ive moved to plenty of cities alone before and you have to make the effort to meet new people. youll be ok, just make that disconnection from her now. its more to help you than help her, cause all she will feel is annoyed by you calling and wont care. Link to post Share on other sites
Hkizzle Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Can people realize what they did wrong and change? Why is human nature so vicious that people dont learn from the pain they have caused others and correct their mistakes? Do people not deserve a second chance? I thought unconditional love meant loving someone through the good and the bad.... Is there no such a thing as unconditional love? Maybe the only true love is what parents have for their children... Yes unconditional love exists. But most people are selfish. What you're asking is a philisophical question that people have been asking for thousands of years. People are naturally selfish. Some people are good, some bad, because we know what's right but still have to fight against our selfish animal instincts. Back to your GF. You need to go out with your colleagues and make more friends. It's never good to depend too much on one person. But I find it amazing that anyone wants to marry if they're going to cheat. Maybe it's best to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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