Update/feedb on my 16-year-old da on my 16-year-old daughter dating a 52-year-old man

[dawnb3442]

Thanks for all your help on the previous thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=176573

 

In response to some of your questions, I should state that:

Jeremy Clarkson is not the moral compass in our household.

We do watch a lot of Top Gear in our house. Well, my husband and daughter do, their shared interest is in cars and motor-racing-related stuff, so that explains that. I've tried to talk to my husband about his behaviour and get him to behave like a father should, but no, he won't listen, even though I tried to do so calmly and sensitively.

 

Send her to an American beach for spring break . . . take a picture of the 52 year old along to compair to the young men that she sees on the beach.

 

What exactly do you mean by that, and how would that help?

 

 

Also, I heard something interesting about the guy earlier this week... apparently I heard he boasts to his friends down the pub about his younger lover (my daughter) and how he's "down wiv it" (what does that mean?)

 

OP, how would your H treat an 18 year old wanting to "date" your daughter? Would he want to meet him and get to know him in that way only a father can do?

 

Does this man have any children of his own?

 

No, but he'd rather treat his daughter's boyfriend/partner as a friend than enemy.

 

Invite him over and let your husband treat him like any other boyfriend her age - Where are you going? When are you bringing her back home? So you want to marry my daughter, what makes you think you're good enough for my little girl?

 

At 50+, I would think he would be running for the hills and trying to find a grown up woman without that kind of baggage. It is fun to act like a teenager, but it sure isn't fun to be treated like one. Hopefully, that will cure his midlife crisis.

 

Unfortunately my husband won't treat him that way - he tries to be friends with the boyfriend instead. Odd, or what?

 

I've had to let her get on with dating him, because unfortunately my husband is so laid-back about it. Don't get me wrong, he's a decent man and I love him but this issue is driving a wedge between us.

 

However, my daughter wants to take the guy on our annual holiday with us in July when we're off to Florida - should we allow him to come?

 

Sorry if this seems a bit rushed, I'm just posting from a public computer terminal, the session will expire soon.

[westernxer]

However, my daughter wants to take the guy on our annual holiday with us in July when we're off to Florida - should we allow him to come?

 

Yes, and make sure he brings lots of Viagra.

 

the session will expire soon.

 

As will your daughter's boyfriend. His heart will stop after an hour of scoping the bikini jailbait on the Florida beaches.

[Enema]

There's no other way around it.

 

You're going to have to seduce him yourself.

[burning 4 revenge]

There's no other way around it.

 

You're going to have to seduce him yourself.

I bet he'd be "down wiv it"

[clv0116]

I've done sisters, but never a mom/daughter duo. Seems sort of way too far out in left field to me.

[jwulgaert]

Take her and him to florida with you and get the perv arrested for statutory rape. I haven't read the entire back story mind you. But this reminds me of an old joke

 

how many times does 52 go into 16?

 

The answer is ZERO. .... well mathematically speaking it's 3.25 but you know what I mean.

[Jilly Bean]

As her parent, willing enabling and allowing statutory rape will land you in a boat load of legal trouble.

 

What you are doing is no different, in the eyes of the law, than a mother who takes her 7-year old to a motel to meet a man and lose her virginity (saw it on Steve Wilkos - it happened - lol).

 

This is the most disgusting thing I've read in a LONG time. I can't believe as her mother, you are encouraging and condoning her rape by a pedophile, and that your husband is going along with it.

 

Do you live in eastern Tennessee or West Virginia, perhaps?

 

Hope you enjoy the color Orange, because you will be wearing it for quite a long time, hon.

[2sure]

You, your Husband, and the Pedophile you have given your child to should all be in jail. If you don't understand what is so ABSOLUTELY abusive about your behavior - please at least let someone in authority know what it happening so that someone can at least begin to help your daughter. You are not capable of it.

[Citizen Erased]

I always wondered what happened...clearly nothing.

 

With parents like these, who needs pervert 52 year old child rapists?

[EnigmasMuse]

I will never understand why it is some parents allow this kind of thing to happen. You know its one thing if a parent did NOT know what was going on or what was happening with their child, but quite another to allow this kind of thing.

 

You should be trying to protect your daughter, and you're NOT. I'm sure you have excuse after excuse as well. That's all they are is EXCUSES! There is no excuse for not trying to protecting your child!

[JackJack]

I have to wonder, if the OP is looking for some kind of attention. I mean, I would be ashamed to even post in a public forum or have anyone know that my 16 year old is with a 52 year old.

 

BTW, it doesn't make your daughter look bad, it makes YOU and your husband as parents look bad. Exactly what kind of payoff are you looking for by posting and asking for advice on this situation?

[JLee26]

Wow, you are seriously considering taking this monster on holiday with you? What like he is a member of your family? GROSS. You all need help. This is not something you allow your teenage daughter to do. YOU ARE THE MOTHER. Start acting like it for craps sake.

 

******Although this does make me wonder, why is she digging older men? Daddy issues perhaps?

[theBrokenMuse]

What does it matter what your husband does - put him out of the equation and actually do something about your situation yourself (but let's face it you are only slightly less apathetic than he is so that's not going to happen).... Nothing has changed because you don't care enough to try and resolve this - instead you come on here asking asinine questions about if you should take a giant scumbag who's preying on your kid with you on vacation. If you are even contemplating something that ludicrous then you aren't thinking about what's in the best interest of your child at all but what will appease her because you don't want to rock the boat. I don't understand how anyone could be so laid back that they would have no qualms with letting a nasty, old pervert defile their child - it blows my mind. What kind of love is that?

[blair08]

I guess maybe you feel if you try to stop her, she will do it anyway, and you think its just easier to let her be with this man? Do you feel she will run away perhaps? Or hate you because you wouldn't let her?

 

There's lots of kids, especially teens who may "hate" their parents for the time being, because their parents did something they didn't like etc. But I would rather risk my child hating me for the moment because I had their best interest at heart, and then them getting over it at some point after seeing the light, than to have to live with myself knowing I allowed and didn't try to prevent something from happening to my child.

 

You know there very well may come a time in your daughters life, where after all this is over and she is left with emotional scars and who knows what else, where she might really resent the hell out of you for NOT trying to protect her better. Of course she may not see it like that right now, because she is all up in it. I also agree with wondering if she is searching for a father figure? a 16 year old girl and 52 year old man have nothing in common. He is using her for his jollies and I'm sure you know this.

[carhill]

Do you live in eastern Tennessee or West Virginia, perhaps?

 

I believe these events are taking place in the UK, so, morality aside, legal and societal precedents may be different there.

 

IMO, absent a team effort (sounds like H is not on board here), things look pretty grim short-term. Hope she doesn't get pregnant....

[PandorasBox]

I believe these events are taking place in the UK, so, morality aside, legal and societal precedents may be different there.

 

IMO, absent a team effort (sounds like H is not on board here), things look pretty grim short-term. Hope she doesn't get pregnant....

 

 

Yeah, I was thinking the legal age there was 16, but not sure on that.

 

OP, Still, it just doesn't sound like a very healthy situation to me. Regardless of what the legal age is, she is still a child in body and mind. He is a grown man with way more life experiences under his belt than she does. He knows exactly what he is doing, and doesn't even care.

[clv0116]

The OP had 16 years to inculcate standards in her daughter, I'm thinking that train has left the station. She's functionally an adult now and is making her own choices based on the quality of her upbringing.

[angie2443]

I will never understand why it is some parents allow this kind of thing to happen.

 

Some people don't want the responsibility of bieng a parent. It is a lot easiar to say yes to a child's requests than to say no. It's sad, but true. I don't know if that is what's going with the mother and father, but I think it is.

[angie2443]

I guess maybe you feel if you try to stop her, she will do it anyway, and you think its just easier to let her be with this man? Do you feel she will run away perhaps? Or hate you because you wouldn't let her?

 

There's lots of kids, especially teens who may "hate" their parents for the time being, because their parents did something they didn't like etc. But I would rather risk my child hating me for the moment because I had their best interest at heart, and then them getting over it at some point after seeing the light, than to have to live with myself knowing I allowed and didn't try to prevent something from happening to my child.

 

You know there very well may come a time in your daughters life, where after all this is over and she is left with emotional scars and who knows what else, where she might really resent the hell out of you for NOT trying to protect her better. Of course she may not see it like that right now, because she is all up in it. I also agree with wondering if she is searching for a father figure? a 16 year old girl and 52 year old man have nothing in common. He is using her for his jollies and I'm sure you know this.

 

I completely agree. I fully expect to be hated and resented when my kids hit the teen years:). I think it is a right of passage for teens to go through. I'm pretty sure that once they becomes adults, mid twenties and beyond, that they'll start to understand why I said no to certain things. My father said yes to most things when he was raising me because he did not want to bothered with the responsibilities of parenthood. I did resent him once I became an adult. I think the OP needs to think about this.

 

I also think the girl is looking for a father figure. It appears she has none at home.

[Chinook]

Yeah, I was thinking the legal age there was 16, but not sure on that.

 

The legal age of consent is 16. There is no such thing as "statutory rape" in the UK for "children" of this age. If she is consenting, there isn't a damn thing the parents can do about it.

 

Therefore it is likely that the OP feels if the guy is at least within her sight and earshot she can keep a carefully placed eye on him. That said....

 

.... if she takes the child on holiday to Florida, I am pretty sure that the laws of the USA apply to visitors as much as they do to US citizens, in which case the "statutory rape" charge would apply. So, you may want to make them both aware of that... and you may wish to tell them that you WILL report it if they step outside the boundaries.

 

Or better still... don't take him at all.

[Chinook]

The OP had 16 years to inculcate standards in her daughter, I'm thinking that train has left the station. She's functionally an adult now and is making her own choices based on the quality of her upbringing.

Actually this is a pile of crap in the UK. It seems to be the norm here at the moment that no matter what standards a parent, school or other community leader "inculcates" into children, the children still go and do what the hell they please... often without warning - like running off with an older boyfriend; or getting blind drunk; or doing drugs... etc etc etc. The UK unfortunately, is not unique in this aspect of teen life.

[PandorasBox]

The legal age of consent is 16. There is no such thing as "statutory rape" in the UK for "children" of this age. If she is consenting, there isn't a damnthing the parents can do about it.

 

Therefore it is likely that the OP feels if the guy is at least within her sight and earshot she can keep a carefully placed eye on him. That said....

 

.... if she takes the child on holiday to Florida, I am pretty sure that the laws of the USA apply to visitors as much as they do to US citizens, in which case the "statutory rape" charge would apply. So, you may want to make them both aware of that... and you may wish to tell them that you WILL report it if they step outside the boundaries.

 

Or better still... don't take him at all.

 

 

Well, I have a feeling that even if she were under the age of 16, they wouldn't do a "damn" thing about it anyway. So best of luck to them all.

[Juniper22]

Your post said "update and feedback" or at least I think that's what you were saying when you put "feedb".

 

I think from this post and your other one, you got advice/feedback. I'm sorry if you're hurt by the fact your 16 year old daughter (even though it might be legal) is dating a 52 year old man. I guess you feel your hands are tied in the situation since she is legal age and is consenting.

 

Does she still live with you? If she wants to play adult games, and be in adult relationships, even though her "age" is legal, then maybe its time for her to act like an adult. She should get a job, move out, get her own place, and take on some more adult responsbilities. Then your girl and yes I did say girl because that's what she is, can have her 52 year old man over to her place and carry on about her business. I mean goodness forbid you continue to support her, take care of her, provide this and that for her.If the age is what it is there, then she should be more of an adult and do what she should be doing.

 

Personally, I think she should date boys her own age, and enjoy being a teenager. Seems she has chosen to rob herself of that and her 52 year old man has helped and doesn't mind doing so. BUT, since there is not alot you can do like others have said then time for her to be an adult then.

[Citizen Erased]

.... if she takes the child on holiday to Florida, I am pretty sure that the laws of the USA apply to visitors as much as they do to US citizens, in which case the "statutory rape" charge would apply. So, you may want to make them both aware of that... and you may wish to tell them that you WILL report it if they step outside the boundaries.

 

Or she could "let" them go at it like bunnies while in Florida and call the cops.

[Lucky_One]

I'd send her off to boarding school and get a restraining order against this guy, but hey - I'm just a parent who believes strongly in protecting my children from pedophiles.

 

But that's just me.