girlfriend is studying abroad

[ihateslowjams]

So Ive been dating my girlfriend for about 7 months. Shes now in europe, studying abroad for about 2 months. Everything was going fine until she went to Italy. She told me the guys in Italy are hot. One of her friends has another friend from Italy and theyre staying with him and his family. they recently went clubbing with 2 other girls she knows and him and his group of friends (both guys and girls). Now when i asked her about it, she told me she grinded with the guys there but not for that long and it wasnt that serious. she told me theyre very touchy and that each of the guys would just grind for about a minute and then pass her and her other friend around. she also mentioned they did this with other girls too, but mostly with my girlfriend and her friend because theyre both chinese and they both got a lot of attention in Italy.

 

ive told her i dont care if she dances but i dont want her to grind with other guys. im uncomfortable with it because she kept telling me theyre hot and she didnt grind with other guys, but now that shes there in Italy, now she started grinding with the guys. am i just tripping out for no reason? or is it wrong for her to be grinding with other guys, specially ones that she thinks are hot...?

[mr.dream merchant]

Nah duke you aren't trippin, she is. She's gonna be out of sight for two months and is already coming into physical contact with other males? Lmao....NEXT!

[Dexter Morgan]

So Ive been dating my girlfriend for about 7 months. Shes now in europe, studying abroad for about 2 months. Everything was going fine until she went to Italy. She told me the guys in Italy are hot.

 

Now why the f##k would she tell you that? Sounds like she is an insensitive tart.

 

really, what possible reason would there be to tell you that? And if she thinks they are hot, you KNOW she is thinking other things. And she is away from you and you will never find out what is going on.

 

 

One of her friends has another friend from Italy and theyre staying with him and his family. they recently went clubbing

 

 

*stop*.....so she feels the need to rub "hot" guys in your face, and goes clubbing. Anyone that reads my posts knows how I feel about clubbing.

 

i think its time to tell your gf that she can have the "hot" italian guys and you move on.

 

 

 

with 2 other girls she knows and him and his group of friends (both guys and girls). Now when i asked her about it, she told me she grinded with the guys there but not for that long and it wasnt that serious.

 

Ah, so simulated sex is not serious. Sorry, I have yet to meet anyone that grinds on the dancefloor that is trustworthy.

 

So let me ask you, how do you feel about her rubbing her cooch against some "hot" italian guy's puffed up crotch?

 

 

she told me theyre very touchy and that each of the guys would just grind for about a minute and then pass her and her other friend around. she also mentioned they did this with other girls too, but mostly with my girlfriend and her friend because theyre both chinese and they both got a lot of attention in Italy.

 

yup, and she likes that attention. She is not gf material. I'd just stop contacting her. i wouldn't even tell her you are through. Just decide you are through with her and move on. She can find out you 2 are through when she gets home.

 

 

ive told her i dont care if she dances but i dont want her to grind with other guys. im uncomfortable with it because she kept telling me theyre hot and she didnt grind with other guys, but now that shes there in Italy, now she started grinding with the guys. am i just tripping out for no reason?

 

no, you have reason...believe me!!!

 

 

or is it wrong for her to be grinding with other guys, specially ones that she thinks are hot...?

 

its wrong, in my opinion, to simulate sex on a dancefloor with anyone if you are in a committed relationship.

 

I broke up with a girl on the spot when a few of my buds directed my attention to the dancefloor and she was acting like she was getting screwed from behind with another guy. When I went to the dancefloor and asked her what she was doing, the guy put his hands in the air and walked off.

 

I just looked at her and told her to find her own ride home. She followed me out trying to tell me that it "didn't mean anything" and that it was "good clean fun"....to which i replied, "it meant something to me.....and it wasn't fun for me"

 

then she ended up with a guy I know not too long after that, and she ended up messing around on him.

 

So don't trust a dirty dancer.

[DunnoWhat]

Agreed with the others.

 

Maybe you should go dancing with some hot girls and tell her how sexy and hot they are.

[mark982]

yep, going out with some HOT girls will do the trick.you don't really think she's just grinding do you?

[mr.dream merchant]

Maybe you should just break up with her and quit playing her dumb games. Why does she need to be a part of your life if she's gonna bug out like that? Go out and **** anything that walks. Don't tell her about it, I'm sure she'll assume it once you tell her to go **** off.

[Lucky_One]

Italian guys ARE hot. Sounds like we have some guys here who are a bit unsure of their own attractiveness and desirability?

 

I can't believe that some of you are so defensive because a woman expresses that other men are hot. My Bf tells me when he sees gorgeous women, and I sometimes point them out to him (because I am not silly enough to think that just because he thinks someone is hot that means that he is going to pursue her behind my back), and I tell him when I see good-looking men.

 

I have if-fy feelings on the grinding thing, because I think that grinding is gross, no matter who you are dancing with. Grinding with your partner is inappropriate in my opinion; get a room. I would be pissed if my BF was grinding with anyone, simply because of how I feel about grinding in general.

 

But if you are of the club set that grinds when you go out, then what is the difference in grinding with your BF in the US and grinding with another guy on another continent? If grinding is foreplay, then you shouldn't be doing it publicly yourself anyway, should you?

 

Bottom line - you don't trust her for two short months while she is away. She hasn't done anything terribly bad - she told you that men in another country are hot (and that is partially because they are exotic and different) and she went dancing in a way that you don't approve.

 

I would try to see why exactly you don't trust her so quickly. These guys are going to suggest that you dump her immediately (and going out to sleep with strangers is a really stupid way to exact revenge, too, btw), but I would suggest that they are projecting their own issues onto your situation.

 

Good luck, and talk with your GF about your reservations and see what transpires, when you talk calmly with her.

[mr.dream merchant]

Italian guys ARE hot. Sounds like we have some guys here who are a bit unsure of their own attractiveness and desirability?

 

I can't believe that some of you are so defensive because a woman expresses that other men are hot. My Bf tells me when he sees gorgeous women, and I sometimes point them out to him (because I am not silly enough to think that just because he thinks someone is hot that means that he is going to pursue her behind my back), and I tell him when I see good-looking men.

 

I have if-fy feelings on the grinding thing, because I think that grinding is gross, no matter who you are dancing with. Grinding with your partner is inappropriate in my opinion; get a room. I would be pissed if my BF was grinding with anyone, simply because of how I feel about grinding in general.

 

But if you are of the club set that grinds when you go out, then what is the difference in grinding with your BF in the US and grinding with another guy on another continent? If grinding is foreplay, then you shouldn't be doing it publicly yourself anyway, should you?

 

Bottom line - you don't trust her for two short months while she is away. She hasn't done anything terribly bad - she told you that men in another country are hot (and that is partially because they are exotic and different) and she went dancing in a way that you don't approve.

 

I would try to see why exactly you don't trust her so quickly. These guys are going to suggest that you dump her immediately (and going out to sleep with strangers is a really stupid way to exact revenge, too, btw), but I would suggest that they are projecting their own issues onto your situation.

 

Good luck, and talk with your GF about your reservations and see what transpires, when you talk calmly with her.

 

Her thinking other guys are hot isn't the issue with some of these male posters. Its probably her grinding on them. I don't know many people who would be okay with their SO grinding on someone they thought was hot. My previous post was just trying to get him to understand that he doesn't need/have to put up with this if it isn't fine with him. Why should he be okay with his GF grinding on other guys abroad? Especially ones she thinks is hot? Yeah we don't know for sure if she cheated. We'll never know. But peep her behavior, anyone willing to do all that in my eyes is willing to cheat when given the chance. Yeah she told him about it, so what. She knows he'll never find out if she were to take things further. And in my opinion if she told him, there's probably something else bigger than that that put her at so much ease to even tell him about grinding on other men.

 

To the OP. Are you not okay with this? If the answer is yes then ask yourself, she's there and you're...wherever you are. You don't need to put up with it unless you want to and want to work through it. But there's serious question at hand here. Do you want to stay with a chick who's going to violate the physical boundaries of your relationship when you aren't around? Did you set any boundaries? Lots of questions to ask here. Think about it like this. If she's willing to do that, what else will she do? Now if you do decide to go out and have your fun with other women, don't tell her about it, there's no need, and it will only make you look childish. Just dump her and have your fun with other women.

[Dexter Morgan]

Italian guys ARE hot. Sounds like we have some guys here who are a bit unsure of their own attractiveness and desirability?

 

 

not in the least. which one of us said that they are not good looking?

 

And there is a difference between simply admiring the opposite sex, and rubbing your significant other's nose in sh#t over it....AND acting inappropriately with them.

 

 

But if you are of the club set that grinds when you go out, then what is the difference in grinding with your BF in the US and grinding with another guy on another continent?

 

uh....because "another guy" isn't her boyfriend??

 

 

If grinding is foreplay, then you shouldn't be doing it publicly yourself anyway, should you?

 

Uh, where did he say that he does?

 

 

Bottom line - you don't trust her for two short months while she is away.

 

With her shoving "hot" guys in his face and rubbing her crotch all over them....I'd say he has good reason to not trust her.

 

 

She hasn't done anything terribly bad - she told you that men in another country are hot (and that is partially because they are exotic and different) and she went dancing in a way that you don't approve.

 

Maybe you are right....there is nothing wrong with acting like she is f#cking another guy on the dancefloor:rolleyes:

 

 

I would try to see why exactly you don't trust her so quickly. These guys are going to suggest that you dump her immediately

 

Yup!

 

 

 

(and going out to sleep with strangers is a really stupid way to exact revenge, too, btw)

 

Nope...I say he just dumps her.

 

 

Good luck, and talk with your GF about your reservations and see what transpires, when you talk calmly with her.

 

And that will do what? She is in another country. He doesn't know what she does, she can say, "ok honey...I won't go clubbing and rub my cooch on other men's crotches".... Ya....riiiiiiiiight

[Dexter Morgan]

Lucky One.....her is a question for you.

 

What if your bf was away, and you found out he was rubbing his d!ck on other women on the dancefloor.....acting like they are screwing?

[Lucky_One]

So, Dexter, if they talk about it and she says "I'm sorry; I had no idea that my going out dancing would bother you this badlly, and I won't do that anymore", then that means nothing?

 

She has been upfront with him about her activities; she didn't lie and get caught. If he is now upfront with her about his concerns and she offers to curtail the activities that bother him, why should he not trust her?

 

Do you trust ANYONE? What happened with you and love that makes you so suspicious and angry over any sort of behavior that you deem wrong, even if the behavior is a first-time offense and was done innocently?

 

Apparently grinding is what certain groups do when they go out to clubs. I don't - I find it very unappealing and nasty looking. But that is my own belief, so I just don't go to clubs like that. problem solved for me. But these clubbers all go out, and they all grind, and they all think nothing of it. It's no different for them to grind than it was for my parents to Lindy-hop.

 

So....why should he not trust her, when he has not caught her lying about anything?

[Adunaphel]

If grinding with other guys is a dealbreaker, I don't see why it should be tolerated while she is abroad.

BTW, most italian people in committed relationships would not be pleased if their gf/bf ground with someone else on a dancefloor, either.

At least she is being honest about it. Do you think she could go further than grinding?

[DunnoWhat]

. But these clubbers all go out, and they all grind, and they all think nothing of it. It's no different for them to grind than it was for my parents to Lindy-hop.

 

So....why should he not trust her, when he has not caught her lying about anything?

 

Most clubbers would probably think nothing of cheating anyway.

 

Can I ask you something? If her grinding was just for fun, do you think she'd be grinding with guys she finds ugly? Why only hot guys?

[Lucky_One]

Lucky One.....her is a question for you.

 

What if your bf was away, and you found out he was rubbing his d!ck on other women on the dancefloor.....acting like they are screwing?

 

I wouldn't like it (not that is anything I would worry about, as we both think dancing like that is gross). But we would talk about it, and we would come to a consensus together. If he said that he was going to continue grinding on women even if I don't like it, then that would a new situation that we would have to address.

 

I CERTAINLY would not think that just because he danced a common (in more ways than one) dance with strange women means that I can't trust a word out of his mouth or that I should assume that he would automatically cheat on me.

 

If I found out he cheated on his taxes, and that bothered me, we would talk about it. If he said he would stop cheating on his taxes, then I wouldn't assume that 1) he was going to keep cheating on his taxes or 2) was going to now start shoplifting filet mignons from the grocery store.

[mark982]

ihateslowjams,send her a pic of you grinding! tell your gf how hot the other girl is.just reverse the roles. see what kind of reaction you get.

[Ruby Slippers]

I haven't read the stripper/porn thread in the dating forum closely, but I'd be interested to see how many men in this thread who are crucifying the girl for grinding with the Italians would have no problem with a guy getting cock-grinding lap dances from strippers. You know, "for fun", out with the friends.

 

In my view, neither activity is OK when in a relationship. Both show complete disrespect for the commitment and bond.

[J3ss]

Ruby Slippers makes a good point..

 

I don't think this was appropriate behavior on her part.. I wouldn't want my guy doing that and I know he wouldn't want me doing that either.. personally I wouldn't trust her, she's only away for 2 months and her actions are already making you question the relationship.. not good.

 

I think that you should bring this up with her and tell her how inappropriate you considered her actions to be .. I DON'T suggest playing games and doing the same and letting her know about it, I don't think that resolves anything, of course, it might make you feel better. Although, if you talk to her about it, and she does that again, go ahead and give her a taste of her own medicine, maybe she'll finally get it.

 

However, if someone doesn't respect your boundaries (say she does that again after you've spoken to her) then I don't think its worth being in a relationship with them anyway. I wonder if this was something you talked about in the beginning of the relationship though. My b/f and I both spoke about what we wouldn't be okay with the other one doing when we first started dating..

[falseprophet]

Heres the problem with Europeans (some not all) they cover themselves in wh#re bait because they dont wear deoderant. See no the thing with cologne is, it wears off, and its been proven that when women are ovulating they are more likely to find a mans "undesireable scent" more attractive and will actually be sexually attracted to that person even if they arent the best looking. What im gettin at has no relevance to what I just said, my point is, if she loves you she won't cheat on you, feel flattered that guys find her attractive and deal with her telling you guys are hott. Lie to me and tell me you aren't watching porn while shes over there. Thats what's up. Besides you have been together 7 months, its a long time, but its not forever, if you want the relationship to work, then you need to do some work, you can't sit back and let it carry itself, it'll never happen.

[Ruby Slippers]

Lie to me and tell me you aren't watching porn while shes over there.

Another good point.

[Dexter Morgan]

So, Dexter, if they talk about it and she says "I'm sorry; I had no idea that my going out dancing would bother you this badlly, and I won't do that anymore", then that means nothing?

 

dancing is one thing, grinding her crotch on another man is quite different.

 

look, dance, but don't touch. Otherwise there is no need to be in a committed relationship.

 

 

She has been upfront with him about her activities; she didn't lie and get caught.

 

I'd have to give her that. She must have thought grinding on other men and shoving "hot" guys in his face while she is overseas is something he'd be overjoyed about.

 

 

If he is now upfront with her about his concerns and she offers to curtail the activities that bother him, why should he not trust her?

 

common sense.

 

She obviously has hots for other men and dances inappropriately with them. My guess is thats not all she is doing.

 

 

Do you trust ANYONE?

 

Sure, I don't feel I have to watch over any girlfriend like a hawk. And the minute they give me a reason to not trust them, I wouldn't be with them anyway.

 

I trust a SO to go out with friends to dinner, movies, have a good time. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

 

i would not, however, trust any gf that grinds on other guys' d!cks on a dancefloor. And aside from a trust issue, I know she will find other guys attractive, but her behavior to always feel the need to shove them in my face would be suspect.

 

 

What happened with you and love that makes you so suspicious and angry over any sort of behavior that you deem wrong

 

uh again....common sense. you just said it yourself...behavior that I deem wrong. If it is wrong...it is wrong. I'm not talking about any SO of mine talking to another man. I'm not talking about her having male acquaintences........but a SO that interacts with other men with sexual overtones involved is quite a different story.

 

 

even if the behavior is a first-time offense and was done innocently?

 

There is nothing innocent about what she is doing overseas with other men in these clubs. I don't see acting like you are f#cking someone else on a dancefloor as innocent.

 

 

Apparently grinding is what certain groups do when they go out to clubs. I don't - I find it very unappealing and nasty looking. But that is my own belief, so I just don't go to clubs like that. problem solved for me.

 

And I don't date people that go to clubs for this very reason. Problem solved for me too:)

 

 

But these clubbers all go out, and they all grind, and they all think nothing of it.

 

Of course they don't. Tell me what possible reason would someone rub their crotch on someone other than their committed partner. Please, I'd like your answer to that. Why would anyone think that bumping uglies with someone other than their SO would be acceptable?

 

So....why should he not trust her, when he has not caught her lying about anything?

 

Because she has issue of her own. She doesn't think simulated sex with another man is a big deal. And cheaters will tell half truths to cover up an entire lie. She can tell the truth, but not tell everything. So if she tells him something like she grinded another guy....it will make it look like she is being truthful...afterall...she told him. So if she is having sex with these guys after a night of grinding, she is more than likely delaying his suspicions by appearing to be truthful.

 

So why should he not trust her? Because she thinks too many guys are "hot", shoves it in his face, and likes to rub her cooch on them. DUH!!!

[Dexter Morgan]

I wouldn't like it (not that is anything I would worry about, as we both think dancing like that is gross). But we would talk about it, and we would come to a consensus together. If he said that he was going to continue grinding on women even if I don't like it, then that would a new situation that we would have to address.

 

I CERTAINLY would not think that just because he danced a common (in more ways than one) dance with strange women means that I can't trust a word out of his mouth or that I should assume that he would automatically cheat on me.

 

grinding is not a common dance. its what two people do that are attracted to each other...they get off on it. Like someone said, you think she'd grind an ugly guy? I don't think so.

 

and even if you talked about it with a bf since you wouldn't like it and he agreed to stop...you STILL have a bf that likes to act inappropriately with other women. Just because he stopped doesn't stop his desire to do so.

 

A cheater may stop cheating when they get caught, but they still would have the desires to bone someone other than their SO.

 

 

If I found out he cheated on his taxes, and that bothered me, we would talk about it.

 

cheating on his taxes is not a direct betrayal of you and doesn't hurt people emotionally. That example doesn't work.

[Dexter Morgan]

I haven't read the stripper/porn thread in the dating forum closely, but I'd be interested to see how many men in this thread who are crucifying the girl for grinding with the Italians would have no problem with a guy getting cock-grinding lap dances from strippers. You know, "for fun", out with the friends.

 

I despise both. I have said so in the stripper threads. I find grinding with someone other than your SO, OR going to a strip joint, whether you are male or female, as disrespectful to your committed partner.

 

 

In my view, neither activity is OK when in a relationship. Both show complete disrespect for the commitment and bond.

 

I completely agree. Why would I do either, especially the strip joint thing? Only one reason...if my SO wasn't good enough for me...and if that is the case, why am I with her?