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"friend" hooked up the guy i liked


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to make a long story short i have had a crush on my boss for a long time now, 7 months or so. he is only a few years older than me. i became nearly best friends with a girl that i also work with. she had a boyfriend and my boss had a girlfriend. my friend knew i liked my boss and knew there was a mutual attraction going on. well last weekend he tried to hook up with me but i stopped it before it got too far because i found out he hadnt broken up with his girlfriend yet. well my best friend had sex with him later that night....i actually heard them as i was trying to sleep on the couch. she cheated on her boyfriend with the guy she knew i liked. i was so hurt, angry, and disgusted at both of them.

 

the next day he texted me saying "hey thank you. you were right. you really are a great girl." which i dont know what else it means other than i guess he respects me for not being a wh*re??? i never answered him back. the next day i went into work and ignored him except to be polite when i absolutely had to talk to him. he was trying to be extra nice to me. its been 5 days now and tonight i worked again and found out him and my friend have both broken up with their significant others. my friend has texted me twice begging me to forgive her and saying she doesnt want to lose me as a friend and she swears nothing happened.......even though i heard them. i have totally ignored her too. my boss hasnt tried to talk to me or explain anything or apologize. he definitely knows im mad so i dont know if he just doesnt care or doesnt know what to say. he still tries to be nice to me and has somewhat tried to strike up a conversation but i am just short with him.

 

this is bothering me so much, im honestly really sad about it. i was pretty close with both of them and i feel like i have been backstabbed and i have lost both of them. it bothers me that he hasnt tried to talk to me about it or anything. i have the worst feeling that they are going to end up being together which i dont know if i can handle seeing at work. i dont know how to feel, who to be mad at, or if i should be mad at all. Alls I know is that I feel like crap and need some advice!!

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It's easy to understand how you feel about not knowing whether you're right to be mad or not. Of course you should be mad at them both. Him because it could have been you he pulled into that position. If he can have sex with your friend like this... it's clear he didn't think much of her to start with and would possibly have gone for you to start with. That means that his 'crush' on you if that's what he appears to have had, isnt really what you think it was. Secondly, you and she are employees. It may not be part of your company policy but it's never a good thing to have these kinds of relationships with people you directly work with. It will blow over. But it will take time. As for HER, she's not really a friend is she...? She knew you liked him, yet she still spread her legs for him. Her caring friendship feelings ended the moment she got drunk and allowed that to happen. You need friends who are loyal and caring, not disrespectful - of course you are going to feel mad! It will pass though. Be thankful in time that they have both flown their true colours.

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he tried to hook up with me but i stopped it before it got too far because i found out he hadnt broken up with his girlfriend yet. well my best friend had sex with him later that night.

 

he hadnt broken up with his girlfriend yet

 

Why do you want a guy like that? :sick:

 

He's a user. And a cheater. And he sees women as interchangeable...you won't have sex with him, no problem, he just finds another.

 

Forget him and learn to become interested in a better class of men. And friends.

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laRubiaBonita

i agree with everyone else.... at least you know now what self absorbed people they are.....

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OP may have painted herself in this thread as being a victim and was party to the situation but I don't think it detracts from the advice given. Only to add that she was just as out of line as the other two... which probably explains why she feels she had to justify being mad at them. Good stop O'Malley.

 

OP when asking for advice, it's usually good practice to try to present the facts as you recall them. Presenting the facts in a manner which slants the responders to give an answer you want to hear, does not in fact help you in any way. Lesson learned there.

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laRubiaBonita

whose house do you all go get drunk at?

 

if it's your boss's place- 1. i think it's strange and 2. i think he is trying to geth you both drunk and have a 3-some

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wait a minute....how does that change anything? this post is no different than the other one...i just summarized it because no one bothers to read the long ones and respond.

 

what is wrong with making out with a guy you like??? i am single and at the time i thought he was single. as soon as he admitted he wasnt i ended all contact and went to sleep on the couch. i havent lied in this post at all....im single, i thought he was, we started to make out and whatnot and thats all the farther i would let it go, he admitted that him and his gf were still together so i walked out. end of story. thats exactly what i said in this post and my other post. along with the fact that my friend then had sex with him a lil while later.

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MissMeBaby,

 

I feel for you, sweetie. And I know it is hard to avoid an office romance. But your BOSS!? It's one thing if it is a colleague, but you are getting into some serious problems if you get romantically involved with a superior. What if the two of you did work out and then he hired some new girl that he wanted to be with instead of you? Things would get ugly - he could try to fire you (illegal, but if he wanted to make life miserable for you, he could). The fact that you imply that he is trying to communicate with you and you are being cold could be turned around that you are being insubordinate. I'm just saying this because you have been through enough and I do not want to see you lose your job too!!

 

And your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. You deserve better. Let your "friend" get together with your boss and watch it blow up in both of their faces and see the drama unfold around the workplace.

 

Good luck to you and let us know how you are.

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thank you jenna....i know it was dumb on my part to like him. i really couldnt help the attraction and my feelings though. now that i see what hes really like i no longer have feelings for him. i am not cold to him, i am always polite to him but i just dont try to talk to him or anything. i have no idea what he is feeling or thinking about me, like if hes mad at me or if he could care less that im mad at him....he seems like he is trying to be nice but i dont know. for instance he kind of went out of his way to hold the door for me tonight. but he has not really made an attempt to apologize or speak to me ever since he realized i am mad at him.

 

i worked with him and my ex friend tonight. that was very awkward. i ignored them both but was polite to both of them also when i had to speak to them. she really was trying to be nice to me though and i got a text message from her at the end of the night saying that she doesnt know what else to say but shes really sorry and understands why im mad and hopes we can be friends again someday. this is the 3rd one ive gotten from her this week. i dont know what to do....i am still mad and am going to have a hard time forgiving her but i would kind of like to stay friends. my boss i dont care about, he is scum. its a shame this had to happen because we used to be close too. i am thinking about possibly trying to smooth things over with my friend, although i am not going to make it easy on her.

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i am thinking about possibly trying to smooth things over with my friend, although i am not going to make it easy on her.

 

Why are you so angry?

 

You said you turned him down and walked out of his room, because you realized he was scum who just wanted to get laid that night and would be cheating on his gf. So, you had your chance at him and didn't take it. And she knew you had turned down a chance to be with him, so it's not like she went behind your back and did anything. So, what's the big deal if she she went for it?

 

You say that you don't feel anything for him now. So you aren't jealous of her for being with him, right?

 

So what's the big deal?

 

She actually did you a favor and showed you how much of a loser he is. So why do you need to make it hard on her?

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mr.dream merchant

Cause in reality the OP wishes she were the one rolling around in the sheets with him, not her friend. Its obvious, she's just in denial.

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My advice from the other thread stands. Look for another job. I smell a toxic future at this one. Think of it as fatherly advice :)

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mr dream merchant did you figure that out all by yourself??? haha im not in denial at all. i DID think about sleeping with him, i already admitted i liked him and was attracted to him so the sex part just kind of goes right along with it.

 

but i am also a good person and would never knowingly help him cheat on his girlfriend, and i dont do one night stands either. so although i did want to "roll around in the sheets with him," i wouldnt allow myself to.

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mr.dream merchant
mr dream merchant did you figure that out all by yourself??? haha im not in denial at all. i DID think about sleeping with him, i already admitted i liked him and was attracted to him so the sex part just kind of goes right along with it.

 

but i am also a good person and would never knowingly help him cheat on his girlfriend, and i dont do one night stands either. so although i did want to "roll around in the sheets with him," i wouldnt allow myself to.

 

So what are you complaining about then?

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MissMeBaby, follow Carhill and my advice and just move on. I don't think the work environment you are in right now is very good and I am afraid it could become hostile for you.

 

Having feelings of attraction for your boss and wanting to be intimate with him is not wrong, but it is unethical, especially since he has a SO. I know you know this. I am just surprised you didn't get more positive advice on this forum. Perhaps the regulars just didn't read your post. Instead, you get nasty remarks - that is not right.

 

Like I said, you sound like a really sweet girl and I have been there before. Unfortunately, us nice ones get taken advantage of. I am afraid he is just trying to get in your good graces again to get you into bed for real this time and then drop you or maybe he is just afraid you will tell his SO what you know.

 

I don't know about your friend though. I don't agree that she did you any favors by sleeping with him. The fact is, she knew you liked him (whether you could be with him or not is another thing), but the polite thing to do would have been to say she had feelings for him too before doing what she did. Your post sounds a lot like another one where the guy's girlfriend had sex with a stranger in his own bedroom, not 25 feet away from him.

 

People can be disgusting. Your friend doesn't sound like much of a friend. If you forgive her, she will probably do something hurtful to you again. I would just delete her text messages and, if you have to continue to work there, make it known that it is just business between all of you.

 

Also, your friend reminds me of this trampy girl I worked with at a lawfirm. She was married but had no problem screwing the file clerks in her Mercedes (which hubby paid for). Anyway, she befriended me and told me that she liked hanging out with me because I made her feel like a better person. It said a lot. I think your "friend" feels the same way and possibly your boss, but they do not deserve you!!! ;)

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but i am also a good person and would never knowingly help him cheat on his girlfriend, and i dont do one night stands either. so although i did want to "roll around in the sheets with him," i wouldnt allow myself to.

 

But you did.

Just because his penis didn't wind up in your vagina doesn't make what the two of you did any less of a cheating situation. To avoid things like this in the future, I think you need to accept that about yourself so you can decide if you feel that's okay by your morals.

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no its not ok by my morals....thats why as soon as i found out that him and his girlfriend hadnt really broken up i got the hell away from him. at first he told me they were broken up so i thought he was SINGLE. what is wrong with making out with a single guy? then he changed his story and said that they hadnt broken up....and i was not going to help him cheat on his girlfriend so i got away from him.

 

my friend has been texting me all day saying how terrible she feels and that im the best friend shes had in a long time, shes so sorry, she wants to make it up to me and nothing like that will ever happen again, she misses me, etc etc. i told her i was still mad but i accept her apology and i think we can possibly be friends again but i will never forget what she did. she said "fair enough."

 

then we saw each other at work tonight and barely talked to each other. she made a couple attempts to talk to me but not much. so i dont know if she really wants to be friends again or if shes afraid to talk to me or what.

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