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i'm getting so sick of MYSELF!


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help me someone please! my own jealousy and control are driving MEEEEEEE crazy! my b'f seems to just take it all in stride whilst i go crazy from it1

 

i know he does not cheat on me or do anything to hurt our relationship, yet i am CONSTANTLY drilling him about his doings of the day/his where abouts/his contacts/his phones/his meetings/why he is dressing up for this person but not that person/who is the so and so that is making you laugh?/.

 

oh my gawd the list could go on and on and on and on and on!sometimes he does finally lose it and explode at me, but how can i blame him, i would rather shoot myself in the foot then go on like this anymore!

 

what can i do though, i swear i tell my repeatedly don't say ANYTHING, don't ask him ANYTHING, just keep your mouth SHUT, the little voice of reasoning never seems to get heard, she seems to just get totally cut off and ignored and once again i open my BIG MOUTH and ask these stupid questions AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

 

i really don't know what drives me to do this or be this way, all i know is that right now, i feel like leaving him to spare MYSELF from this misery!

 

does anyone have any better suggestions then that because i really do love the guy and i really don't want to leave him, but for my own SANITY i think i should and i'm sure for HIM as well so he don't have to go through all this crap, but i know he'd rather go through all this crap then have me leave him, still I'M frustrated with MEEEE!

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You are a major candidate for psychological counselling and you need to see a therapist for this problem ASAP.

 

Most guys would not put up with this so this fact alone should make you feel very secure in your relationship, since it hasn't driven your guy away...yet.

 

People who act this way usually have very low self esteem. Low self esteem is often rooted in childhood when parents or other adults around make the child feel inadequate...like they are not enough, they can't do anything right, or that they are not worthy of happiness. In most cases, as in yours, this has moved on into your adulthood.

 

A good counsellor can explore the possible reasons why you think so little of yourself that you would think others would betray you, etc. Of course, there's a little paranoia to this as well. And since you seem to have no control over this whatsoever, there is an obsessive/compulsive aspect to it also. A trained professional can explore that.

 

Your behavior as it relates to the matter you have described, as you have admitted, is bizarre. Since your guy has presented no reasons whatsoever why you should be so hypervigilant about his whereabouts, his activites, his schedule, etc., then the behavior is pretty irrational and for your own sake and for your own future you need to get to the root cause. You will destroy every relationship you ever have unless you work on this.

 

Realizing there is a problem is the first step to getting help.

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Sems like you might have some selfesteem and self worth issues... therapy might help just be glad that your boyfriend loves you enough to stick around even with that stuff...

 

As such the first step to solving a problem is to recognice the problem you have so your well on your way...

 

as such try to recognice the issues you have from your past relationships.. with family, friends or other boyfriends

 

to get to the bottom of your problem and take a brether to see if there are any paterns to your behavior and the kinds of relationships you have been in.

help me someone please! my own jealousy and control are driving MEEEEEEE crazy! my b'f seems to just take it all in stride whilst i go crazy from it1 i know he does not cheat on me or do anything to hurt our relationship, yet i am CONSTANTLY drilling him about his doings of the day/his where abouts/his contacts/his phones/his meetings/why he is dressing up for this person but not that person/who is the so and so that is making you laugh?/. oh my gawd the list could go on and on and on and on and on!sometimes he does finally lose it and explode at me, but how can i blame him, i would rather shoot myself in the foot then go on like this anymore! what can i do though, i swear i tell my repeatedly don't say ANYTHING, don't ask him ANYTHING, just keep your mouth SHUT, the little voice of reasoning never seems to get heard, she seems to just get totally cut off and ignored and once again i open my BIG MOUTH and ask these stupid questions AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! i really don't know what drives me to do this or be this way, all i know is that right now, i feel like leaving him to spare MYSELF from this misery! does anyone have any better suggestions then that because i really do love the guy and i really don't want to leave him, but for my own SANITY i think i should and i'm sure for HIM as well so he don't have to go through all this crap, but i know he'd rather go through all this crap then have me leave him, still I'M frustrated with MEEEE!
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thank you guys! well very good advice. actually i had seen a social worker/counselor quite along time ago and i had told her about his horrible anxiety i get when things are out of control and they are out of control when i am not in control like when i don't know where he is or all the other things i mentioned above/below.

 

but i am very subtle about all this, i could probably be a sneaky detective, am i proud? no, do i think he has caught on? yes, do i care? yes, do i want to stop? HELL YEAH!

 

i have been trying ALLLLLLL DAAAAAAY to question my reasoning behind NEEDING to know, not wanting but NEEDING to know these things.

 

however of the years, we have been together four years, i have learned how to incorporate these things into everyday conversation, so it's not like i'm throwing darts at him every few mns, i'm much more sutble, that way i don't seem as pathetic, but really i am and i know this.

 

as for family history causing my problems, it's really hard to say. growing up the youngest and being spoiled, called names, picked on by siblings, made fun of by family because of the way i dressed, dropping out of school to have babies, feeling like a failure from my family and myself, some verbal abuse, not physical, not sexual, little support of emotions, needs, values, lots of hugs and kisses whilst young but lost that when got older, out grew it i heard my mom say one day, no father in the picture, don't even know his name.

 

but ya know other then that sounding worse then it was, i think more that this was/is a learned behaviour, maybe from when i was in the hospital for five months when i was four yrs old and didn't understand why?

 

anyway, thanks for the advice, maybe some counseling would do some good, maybe some ativan to calm the anxiety of "not knowing" really, i'm not as bad as i sound, but yet i am, i'm just not out here demanding and controling i'm much more sutble and sneaky about finding out my answers, either way i need some help as i am driving MYSELF crazier then him, isn't that a strange twist!?

Sems like you might have some selfesteem and self worth issues... therapy might help just be glad that your boyfriend loves you enough to stick around even with that stuff... As such the first step to solving a problem is to recognice the problem you have so your well on your way... as such try to recognice the issues you have from your past relationships.. with family, friends or other boyfriends to get to the bottom of your problem and take a brether to see if there are any paterns to your behavior and the kinds of relationships you have been in.
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