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BF hanging out with flirty girl?


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endlesstrains

I am kind of surprised at what happened last night because up until now, I have felt no jealousy or worry over my BF's female friends (he has several, none of them are very close but he is an extremely friendly person and always tries to become friendly with people he sees somewhat regularly through work, school, etc.) But last night we went out to a bar to meet this girl who we used to work with, who was back from France or some place in Europe. I didn't think anything of it because everyone from my workplace liked her and we weren't able to meet her the night before when most of the other people came.

 

Well, as soon as we got there I was kind of weirded out, because it became clear to me that my BF (and the rest of the people from work) were really friendly with her even though she had only worked there about 4 months. I felt kind of out of the loop because even though I was working there at the same time as her, I hardly knew her, and didn't understand why everyone else knew her so well. Then I found out that they had only ever gone out with her ONCE after work-- so why do they act like they are old friends?

 

The worst part is that this girl is so incredibly fake and flirty. My BF was not (consciously) flirting with her, I could recognize that he was acting the same as he always does when he talks to anyone, but it can easily be misinterpreted as flirty behavior. Whenever he talks to anyone (especially girls, but he acts the same way to girls I know that he thinks are gross or doesn't like) he is very attentive and interested, leans in a little, etc. Later on another girl came by, who just the day before he had told me how gross he thinks she is, and he acted the same way to her, so I know he was not trying to flirt with anyone. But the girl who we went there to meet was already a bit drunk and she was so obviously flirting with my BF... it really pissed me off. She insisted on sitting next to him, kept moving closer to him, touched her leg to his and even rubbed his back at one point. And then she left for a little while to talk to friends, and when she came back to say goodbye, she did the strangest thing-- instead of getting his attention by saying his name or tapping him, she actually bent down and headbutted his arm! WTF? Who does that? He didn't even blink an eye, either.

 

So after she left I didn't say anything about her flirting, or being jealous, because I knew it would be a bad idea. I did mention that I didn't like her and that she seemed fake, though. My BF agrees that she is fake and everyone knows it. I am sure he didn't mean anything by his behavior because it is normal to him, and usually I can see that girls he interacts with have him in the "friend zone" so it doesn't bother me, but this girl clearly does not! And she will be coming back to our workplace in the fall. This really bothers me. I don't want her all over my BF and I don't want him hanging out with her because I think bad things may happen. I don't want to tell him who he can and can't hang out with because that is not my business at all. But I feel threatened by this girl when I never have felt any jealousy or threat before. Another thing I was annoyed about was that my BF had made this calender with photos of him and his friends on it, and a bunch of his friends have it, and apparently he was planning on sending her one in France but never did. He didn't sound like he cared much whether he sent it or not so I am thinking she begged him for one. I don't even have one of these calenders and I am dating him! It just makes me mad...

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Hi I understand how you feel totally!! My bf works with women and most of them are french and they flirt with him too. I know all men flirt but it still bothers me adn he has promised he won't. Anyway I was thinking as long as he didnt send the calendar then there's nothing to worry about. Did you know he had made a calendar of him and his friends? maybe he thought you would think it was lame and why would you want one if you're with him a lot? i'm just thinking outloud but I wouldn't worry hun, as long as he's with you and going home to you then there's nothing to fear. jealousy is a problem once you start thinking all these possessive thoughts (i know!) but the trick is to talk it out and have trust in your partner that he is there for you and you're his everything!

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endlesstrains

Yeah, I did know about the calendar but had only found out recently. There are actually 2 calendars-- the one with him and his friends, and another with artwork/movie posters that he made. He told me later that he had never given me a copy of the friends one because it had some pics in it of him with his ex-gf and he "didn't want me to see that." It's true, that calendar does have some pics of his ex. It doesn't bother me at all to see them because, well, that's the past and he is with me now, and I don't pay attention to her in the pic, I pay attention to him. But I understand why he wouldn't want me to have that. As far as the other calendar, he said he had no more copies, and that he could make one for me if I wanted but the year was already halfway through. He said he would probably make a new calendar for 2009 and that this one would have pics of me in it.

 

So I am thinking the whole calendar thing probably happened because this girl was leaving for Europe around the end of last year, which would have been when he was putting together the calendar... so maybe he mentioned it at work and she insisted on a copy. I doubt he will really send her one if he hasn't by now.

 

I am feeling better about the whole situation because my BF made some comments about a mutual friend's girlfriend and how she had done some shady things (drove to a city several hours away, alone with another man because her BF couldn't drive her) and was talking about how a girl who would do that is "undateable" and how he would never do anything like that to me. I guess that just helps solidify the idea that even though he has a lot of female friends, he has appropriate boundaries while in a relationship... honestly I think I would still (want to) trust him if he had pulled what our friend's GF did but it's good to know that he sees things like that as inappropriate, which could be extended to hanging out one-on-one with any female friends. I guess if there is never any chance of him being alone with this girl then everything will be fine... but I wish he would clue into the fact that she is so blatantly flirting with him... because I was sitting *right* there while she was doing it and I was trying to make it very clear we were together... sitting very close to him, had my hand on his knee the whole time, etc.

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