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Best Friend is his ex-g/f: Am I over-reacting


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My bf is best friends with his ex (not sure when they broke up) she lives several states away. However, recently I noticed she posted a comment on his facebook.com account asking when he was going to go and see her. Then several days later she posts again asking if his ex-wife will allow him to bring his daughter with and "hurry up and book your ticket already".

 

Short factual history:

1. he told me she was his ex long before I ever saw this comment.

2. told me they are best friends before we became b/f and g/f

3. he's in school and cash poor right now, so from time to time I help him out w/things.

4. He constantly tells me he appreciates what I do

5. He could have deleted her comments, which he didn't. Indicates he's not hiding anything?????????

 

 

My Questions:

1. is this appropriate behavior to fly to another town with your daughter in tow to visit an ex?

2. Why am I truly upset? a) because I am insecure about his relationship with her b) because he didn't tell me about it c) because he doesn't have money and I help out from time to time yet it "appears" he's going to come up with the money to fly out to see her and, possibly, take his daughter out too?

3. Can ex's truly be friends? I know I have a hard time with it....especially with ones I felt very passionately about........

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It depends on the circumstances of how and why they split. If she really is his best friend, going to visit is perfectly acceptable. Yeah, you probably do have some trust issues from the past, that makes you upset over this.

 

Communication is key in a relationship, he seems to have been very upfront with you... he deserves the benefit of the doubt IMHO.

 

Good luck, either way.

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If you're really concerned, why not suggest you go too? If he's taking financial aid from you, I'm guessing your relationship has progressed to a level where this shouldn't be a problem, if it's not a problem...

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I know your concern as I have been through it.

From all I have read, they may be able to be friends, but there is a reason why they are ex's.

I would sit and talk to him and ask him about it, ask him what heppened to them and why they split. If the two of you are serious about each other and he has no emotional feelings other than friends this should be ok.

He should be able to be mature enough to tell you why and to meet her. Once you meet, then you will see how they are (hopefully just friends) and she will see how he and you are together.

No secrets should be allowed. He has a right to see friends, and I understand your insecurity with it.

Make sure you understand it so you do not get blindsided.

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If money is tight, then he probably can't buy a ticket right now and has seen no reason to mention what is so far, idle talk.

If you have the means to go I suggest you do. If he ends up deciding to go and you ask to go too, you'll know if this is a problem by the way he responds to you about it.

Yes exes can be friends. I don't know how much you can call someone a best friend when they live several states away and you've experienced some sort of relationship break down with them in the past, but I am friends with some exes and my SO is friends with damn near all his exes to some degree. We've even offered one a place to live till she found her own place when she was considering moving to our area.

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