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lovestruck234

I cheated on Rhys. With Dane.

 

It happened on Saturday night. We were both pumped full of drinks. Even though I know that's not an excuse.

 

Rhys was really tired and fell asleep. We were in Rhys' flat and he was asleep on his bed. I was VERY drunk and was kinda making a fool of myself...

 

Anyway, Dane and I watched a movie that was on TV...well, I kind of watched it, but was dancing around like an idiot for most of the time...I caught Dane watching me for most of the time, looking me up and down. He had been hinting that whole day that he wanted something. He tried to crack onto me when I was sober and I kind of lent away...

 

When the movie finished Dane turned off all the lights and the TV and came back down and sat next to me. Then it just happened I guess.

 

He fingered me and I jerked him off....I can only remember bits of it but I am gradually remembering more bits. I didn't f*ck him. BUt damn, it felt so good and not for one moment was I sitting there thinking "this is a bad idea"...I was enjoying it.

 

Except just this morning I remebered anothe part....I was passed out on the couch sort of later on in the night, after we had "fondled" and I was laying on my tummy. I can remember Dane coming over and putting his d*ck in me....but he pulled it out after like 5 seconds...(f*ck it was big!)

 

So call me a sl*t, call me a whore, tell me to keep my legs closed, I don't care. For those few moments, even though I know it meant nothing to Dane...I actually for the first time in 11 months I felt wanted by a guy...but like I said, even though I know it meant nothing to him...

 

 

It was bound to happen. And I don't feel guilty. When people aren't getting the love they want, they go looking somewhere else. It's simple.

 

So yeah, call me a hypocrit......I did it, I admit it, I'm not making any excuses for myself, Rhys doesn't know, I saw Dane the next day and it was like nothing had happened....

 

Except...

 

Those damn feeling come into play. Dane's gf, Laura had gone to QLD for a week and she had only just come back on Sunday....and now I'm pissed. I kinda wish he wasn't with Laura...I kinda wish he was with me....:o

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hugznkisses21

leave Rhys

 

u arent happy with him - and if u were u would feel horrible....trust me - in my last realtionship - i was sooo close to cheating cause it would be the first love and attention i was getting in a while - opened my eyes to how i was realling feeling in my relationship - done!! - we broke up because we werent happy...

 

But eventhough u arent feeling bad - poor laura ya know :(

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Except just this morning I remebered anothe part....I was passed out on the couch sort of later on in the night, after we had "fondled" and I was laying on my tummy. I can remember Dane coming over and putting his d*ck in me....but he pulled it out after like 5 seconds...(f*ck it was big!)

 

:sick: :sick: You want to be with a guy who not only takes advantage of a girl being drunk but one who'll 'slip it in' a girl who's passed out drunk. That's disgusting. If I were you, I'd feel violated and never want to speak to him again. And I'd also go get an STD test. :sick:

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lovestruck234

 

But eventhough u arent feeling bad - poor laura ya know :(

 

Yeah, poor Laura. Poor Laura has cheated on Dane more times than I can count...

 

It's funny, Dane and I have been good mates for ages.....we talk a fair bit about everything...I think I actually share more stuff with him than I do with Rhys and the things Dane has told me about his relationship with Laura has so many similarities to Rhys' and I relationship. With Laura being the dominant one and everything, you know, having Dane under the thumb, much like Rhys has me under the thumb..

 

*Sigh* it just makes sense in my fantasy world if me and Dane got together and Rhys and Laura got together....

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You know what makes even MORE sense to me? To not "hook up" with anyone for a time. You're really young. You don't need to be paired up. What's wrong with just hanging out in a group or dating? You say you haven't felt wanted. Well that's because you're stuck with ONE guy..and the wrong one at that.

 

Also, I agree with crazygurl. He sounds pretty low. Is that what he does when his friend turns his back?

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Tess~

You need to leave Rhys. You don't want to do this to him or to yourself. It's up to you if you want to tell him you cheated... but he will probably find out somehow.

 

Maybe Dane needs to leave Laura too... but he needs to make that decision for himself not for you.

 

You haven't been happy with Rhys for a long time and you deserve to be happy, you know what you need to do.

 

BTW... I don't think you are a slut or anything else, I think you are right it was bound to happen, you should have left before it got that far, but you didn't and it happened. Make it as right as you can now, don't go back to Rhys and think that your feelings will change.

 

~SG

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lovestruck234
You know what makes even MORE sense to me? To not "hook up" with anyone for a time. You're really young. You don't need to be paired up. What's wrong with just hanging out in a group or dating? You say you haven't felt wanted. Well that's because you're stuck with ONE guy..and the wrong one at that.

 

Also, I agree with crazygurl. He sounds pretty low. Is that what he does when his friend turns his back?

 

I don't know. He (Dane) was also pretty drunk too...he was obviously just thinking with his penis....(nothing unusual for a teen boy).

 

Of course in a way I feel used...and I know that's the bottom truth, but in a tiny fantasized way I felt wanted and loved....even though it's not the truth...at the time, that's how it felt...

 

Awwww Touche, this is so confusing and GAY!!! Ugh. I told my mum about it, she understood but also made it clear to me that's it's obvious I don't "Love" Rhys, cos if I did, I wouldn't even dream of doing that.

 

The next morning I woke up next to Rhys...Dane had already left earlier that morning, I think about 1 or 2am cos I heard him ring a friend to come pick him up, and I laid there looking at Rhys thinking "I really am not attracted to you anymore"...

 

Last night Rhys and I had sex on the same couch me and Dane hooked up on, and I found myself pretending it was Dane...if I can't even be close to him having sex, then what's there left????

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lovestruck234
Tess~

You need to leave Rhys. You don't want to do this to him or to yourself. It's up to you if you want to tell him you cheated... but he will probably find out somehow.

 

Maybe Dane needs to leave Laura too... but he needs to make that decision for himself not for you.

 

You haven't been happy with Rhys for a long time and you deserve to be happy, you know what you need to do.

 

BTW... I don't think you are a slut or anything else, I think you are right it was bound to happen, you should have left before it got that far, but you didn't and it happened. Make it as right as you can now, don't go back to Rhys and think that your feelings will change.

 

~SG

 

Thanks, ShoeGirl.

 

I just wish.....ugh, I don't know. I wish it didn't happen. Kinda.

 

It IS chewing me up inside, I have been non-stop thinking about it, I even couldn't get to sleep for about an hour last night cos I was thinking about it...

 

Maybe I DO feel guilty. But I just don't know it?? I don't know...

 

LSer's were right by saying the fantasy is better than the reality. I have seriously lusted after Dane on and off for so long, and now that this has happened....it has made things SOOOOO much more confusing.

 

But see, some days are good, and some days aren't so good. Since this though, I don't feel that close to him anymore. I DO, but you know, not like I used to...

 

I don't plan on telling him. Is that a bad thing? I don't want to not only ruin our relationship (even though I already have), but I don't want to ruin his and Dane's either. They've been best friends since they were, like, 3. It would be such a shame to see some stupid mistake ruin that...

 

Oh my God, I am such an idiot.

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I don't think you are a slut, but to continue being in a relationship with Rhys pretending that nothing happened would be both very wrong (both towards him and towards yourself) and very stupid (because you would end up unhappy in your relationship, you'd probably start feelling guilty and you'd very likely end up breaking up anyway).

 

Take it as a sign, or as the proof, that Rhys is not the right guy for you.

 

I don't like Dane one bit from your post (and from your other thread, too).

 

- cheater

- would sleep with a friend's gf

- would try to have sex with a girl who is asleep.

 

One could argue that hitting on you while you were drunk can be excused because he was also drunk, and it was clear you were attracted by him - but inserting his penis in you while you were passed out is IMO extremely disrespectful towards you no matter whether you were okay that he did it or not.

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I don't even think it's all that bad that you cheated on Rhys, he really was a sh*tty bf and you don't know if he's done the same.

 

I just hope that you don't lose friends over this. What if everyone finds out? You'll be mde out to look like a b*tch and a sl*t and I really don't want that sort of drama for you.

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Thanks, ShoeGirl.

 

I just wish.....ugh, I don't know. I wish it didn't happen. Kinda.

 

It IS chewing me up inside, I have been non-stop thinking about it, I even couldn't get to sleep for about an hour last night cos I was thinking about it...

 

Maybe I DO feel guilty. But I just don't know it?? I don't know...

 

LSer's were right by saying the fantasy is better than the reality. I have seriously lusted after Dane on and off for so long, and now that this has happened....it has made things SOOOOO much more confusing.

 

But see, some days are good, and some days aren't so good. Since this though, I don't feel that close to him anymore. I DO, but you know, not like I used to...

 

I don't plan on telling him. Is that a bad thing? I don't want to not only ruin our relationship (even though I already have), but I don't want to ruin his and Dane's either. They've been best friends since they were, like, 3. It would be such a shame to see some stupid mistake ruin that...

 

Oh my God, I am such an idiot.

 

Of course you wish it didn't happen, you are a human being. Most people feel bad about cheating, it's good that you do. It is your choice if you want to tell Rhys what happened... but think of the other ways he could find out.

 

The bottom line is that you need to break up with Rhys for good. If you don't it is only going to get worse, and it's not fair to either of you to stay in this relationship.

 

Do you honestly think that you have a future with Rhys? Do you think that you will be happy being with Rhys?

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Here's what I think:

 

You're scared to break up with Rhys. You've wanted to for a long time, but you can't face it. You made a lot of promises to him and yourself and even here on LS that it would never end. You're scared to hurt him, to be alone, and to be wrong. You might also be scared of how he'll respond.

 

I predict he'll take the breakup ok at first, and then he'll freak out and stalk you for a while. And that will be hell for you. He's not mentally prepared for rejection by a woman. That's just my prediction though.

 

You don't feel guilty because you resent Rhys for all the crap you've been through lately. You secretly feel good about it, because you have so much anger for him stored up. Maybe you feel like you've gotten even. Maybe you're right.

 

You don't owe it to him to tell him about what happened, if you make the break soon enough. If on the other hand you don't break up with him, and you keep this secret, then you're deceiving him.

 

Welcome to adulthood. No serious relationship you have will ever be simple.

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lovestruck234
I don't even think it's all that bad that you cheated on Rhys, he really was a sh*tty bf and you don't know if he's done the same.

 

I just hope that you don't lose friends over this. What if everyone finds out? You'll be mde out to look like a b*tch and a sl*t and I really don't want that sort of drama for you.

 

You mean he really IS a sh*tty bf...lol not WAS...

 

I'm not going to say that nobody will ever find out, but my lips are sealed and I don't think Dane is stupid enough to repeat it to anyone. I seriously think Rhys would belt the sh*t out of him if he ever found out...oh, and would probably tell me to piss off as well...by the sounds of things, I don't think Dane has said anything to any of our mates...I was talking to a few of his mates on the weekend and they didn't hint anything to me, and they usually would if they knew something was up...

 

One way or the other, I'm an idiot...make mistakes and learn from them, I guess.

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lovestruck234

Welcome to adulthood. No serious relationship you have will ever be simple.

 

Yes, I can see that. :(

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lovestruck234
Of course you wish it didn't happen, you are a human being. Most people feel bad about cheating, it's good that you do. It is your choice if you want to tell Rhys what happened... but think of the other ways he could find out.

 

The bottom line is that you need to break up with Rhys for good. If you don't it is only going to get worse, and it's not fair to either of you to stay in this relationship.

 

Do you honestly think that you have a future with Rhys? Do you think that you will be happy being with Rhys?

 

I don't know. Sometimes I think to myself I could be happy with him. But then reality sinks in....

 

Ok....I need some cheaters to contribute here. What happened with your relationship? Did he find out? did the guilt get worse when you didn't tell him?

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the_alchemyst

What's done is done, but you really need to leave Rhys.

 

I think that what you did was wrong. I've read many of your threads about all of the problems you've had with Rhys, and I've even empathized and sympathized with you about them. I really think that Rhys is a bad bf in that he has many, many issues within himself that he projects onto you, by treating you badly, in general.

 

But him having been that way--and many telling you to leave him because of that, yet you still choosing to stay in that relationship, you being drunk, and Dane being a jerk (to say the least), still does not take away from the fact that what you did was wrong.

 

You said it yourself--when you are not getting the love you want and deserve from your SO, you'll tend to seek it elsewhere, and I think this is true, but I would only add that you should leave your SO first, and then go seeking the love you want.

 

I have to say that I am surprised to hear that you did this, since you seemed to be so against cheating.

 

I don't think you are a slut or anything like that, though. I think that you are genuinely hurt by the way Rhys treats you, and that you have been hurt so much, in fact, that it all came down to this.

 

So, to be honest with you, I do think that what you did was wrong, but I also think that you need to be honest with yourself and realize that if Rhys did this to you and pretended nothing had happened and carried on with you, you would probably be extremely hurt if you found out.

 

I think it's only fair that you come clean and tell him what happened. I can understand that you probably don't want to, but I think you should.

 

Or at the very least, which would also be the very greatest, break up with him, Tess. Don't you see how wrong it is to continue this relationship?

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lovestruck234
What's done is done, but you really need to leave Rhys.

 

I think that what you did was wrong. I've read many of your threads about all of the problems you've had with Rhys, and I've even empathized and sympathized with you about them. I really think that Rhys is a bad bf in that he has many, many issues within himself that he projects onto you, by treating you badly, in general.

 

But him having been that way--and many telling you to leave him because of that, yet you still choosing to stay in that relationship, you being drunk, and Dane being a jerk (to say the least), still does not take away from the fact that what you did was wrong.

 

You said it yourself--when you are not getting the love you want and deserve from your SO, you'll tend to seek it elsewhere, and I think this is true, but I would only add that you should leave your SO first, and then go seeking the love you want.

 

I have to say that I am surprised to hear that you did this, since you seemed to be so against cheating.

 

I don't think you are a slut or anything like that, though. I think that you are genuinely hurt by the way Rhys treats you, and that you have been hurt so much, in fact, that it all came down to this.

 

So, to be honest with you, I do think that what you did was wrong, but I also think that you need to be honest with yourself and realize that if Rhys did this to you and pretended nothing had happened and carried on with you, you would probably be extremely hurt if you found out.

 

I think it's only fair that you come clean and tell him what happened. I can understand that you probably don't want to, but I think you should.

 

Or at the very least, which would also be the very greatest, break up with him, Tess. Don't you see how wrong it is to continue this relationship?

 

Ok, so now I officially know that I'm the biggest idiot on the planet right now. Thank you for pointing that out.

 

I'm not planning on telling him...so it's probably the wrong way to go about it, but it's what I'm choosing to do...

 

If Rhys found out, the reputation I would have. The people that would resent me...you think I don't already realise that?

 

I feel like such a slut. I feel so....worthless now...I don't even DESERVE to be with Rhys.

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Well I don't think your an idiot but now you know that your current bf is not doing anything for you and now you can do something about it.

 

O and BTW you say you don't deserve to be with Rhys. You right you don't. You deserve to be with someone better.

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the_alchemyst
Ok, so now I officially know that I'm the biggest idiot on the planet right now. Thank you for pointing that out.

 

I'm not planning on telling him...so it's probably the wrong way to go about it, but it's what I'm choosing to do...

 

If Rhys found out, the reputation I would have. The people that would resent me...you think I don't already realise that?

 

I feel like such a slut. I feel so....worthless now...I don't even DESERVE to be with Rhys.

 

I'm just being honest with you. And I don't think you're an idiot or a slut.

 

But just because I like you doesn't mean I'm going to be all "OHHH, you did NOTHING wrong!!" you know?

 

I understand about the reputation thing because most guys this age are like that. He'd probably blab about it and make you out to be the bad guy, which you are, but only half--he won't say anything about how badly he treated you for this long a time.

 

So, don't tell him, then. But I really think you should break this off.

 

I think you'll find a nice guy, no problem.

 

I just think it's wrong that you want to pretend nothing happened because you don't seem to be a callous person.

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You're not an idiot or a slut, so stop beating up on yourself.

 

I'm with the rest, DUMP Rhys. You can do better!

 

I'm also thinking that you fooled around Dane - Secretly (maybe??) hoping that Rhys would catch you two and end it???? I am off track here.

 

Detach, keep busy, and keep focussing on you. Eventually things will just fall into place as they should. Life has a way of doing that.

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lovestruck234
You're not an idiot or a slut, so stop beating up on yourself.

 

I'm with the rest, DUMP Rhys. You can do better!

 

I'm also thinking that you fooled around Dane - Secretly (maybe??) hoping that Rhys would catch you two and end it???? I am off track here.

 

Detach, keep busy, and keep focussing on you. Eventually things will just fall into place as they should. Life has a way of doing that.

 

Thanks WWIU. I don't know, MAYBE it WAS sub-conciously that I wanted him to find out. Nah, I don't think so. We had covers over us and when Dane started moving around and making a bit of noise, I was quick to shush him and stop him from moving so much...cos the covers were making a bit of noise....

 

*Sigh* I just want to let everything unfold how it will. I don't want to break up with him in case it's a mistake. I know I know, you're all sitting there screaming at the screen saying "NO!! IT'S A GOOD IDEA!! BREAK UP WITH HIM!!" But I'm not ready....I dont think I'm emotionally ready for the heart ache.

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You're part way there though Tess. Your eyes are more open about Rhys than they were afew months ago. That my dear, is progress! Be proud of yourself! I know I'm proud of you!!

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I don't want to break up with him in case it's a mistake
It's a mistake to stay with him. You'll end up hating yourself even more for the continued deception. If you wanted to stay with him, you never would have cheated. And you know that.

 

So, grow a pair (!) and do what you KNOW you need to do. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions and do the only honorable thing left: set Rhys free to find someone who won't cheat on him. And by doing so, you'll set yourself free to find your own happiness.

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lovestruck234

set Rhys free to find someone who won't cheat on him.

 

Come on, you all know that these weren't my intentions....

 

I'm not trying to excuse myself here, but I'm not some whore-of-a-girlfriend. I MADE A MISTAKE. A BIG ONE, I know. Hell, like I said, Laura has cheated on Dane more times than I can count. I was there one time when she randomly stuck her tongue down some guy's throat out the front of McDonalds one night. We were driving in and Laura and I went in my car and Dane and Rhys went in Rhys' car. We were in getting dinner and on the way out a bunch of guys yelled out her name...I kept walking toward the car but turned around to tell her to come on, and I see her with her f*cking tongue down some guys throat. And Dane was just driving into the carpark...*shakes head* and that's just the mild side that I've seen. I've seen her suck guys off in front of me....

 

But I'm not trying to turn this all around, it probably looks like I am, but I'm not....I just, PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. Deliberate or not, we make them.

 

I'm not prepared to do it again. So I let the finger slip, I let loose, I did something that, in my books, is unforgivable, no matter what given circumstances...why do I make these mistakes?

 

That's all I seem to do. Make mistakes, over and over, keep screwing up over and over...WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN??

 

My mum always says she wishes she could put her 44 yr old head on my shoulders...I wish she could too!!

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