Younger Girl > Older Guy >> Problems

[Mezzi]

Hi everyone,

I just turned 19 this month and ive known the guy im "dating" for seven months. He is 31 and has a child and we attend the same University. We were in a class together last semester and he introduced himself to me. As soon as he told me his age and that he had a son who by the way is only five years younger than me, I showed zero interest.

He however, continued to text and call me and we eventually began dating.

 

Now, in the beginning the guy hardly called, he mostly sent sms messages. I thought this was incredibly cheap for an older working guy with a good job. I wasnt really receptive to this guy and I told him flat out that I wasnt interested in him at which point he said I have some qualities that he is looking for etc. etc. and I stuck it out.

Even when we go out on dates I must say that this guy seemed and was cheap. He also says some things that just confirms his frugal personality.

The funny thing is this guy is doing well, he has his own used car business, garage and body shop in addition to his regular 9-5 managerial job.

 

Now my birthday was earlier this month and this guy didnt even call me to wish me happy birthday. He called to ask me about something school related (notice he calls when it concerns school-related things) and I said to him "I see you forgot what day it is" his reply "Its your birthday, I thought it was the sixth, dont make any plans for Saturday."

Later on in the day he called me again to ask me yet another school related issue and he didnt even bother to ask "How's the birthday?" or something along those lines.

 

He called me early Saturday morning and said "I dont think you want a guy like me who has to work everyday"

The guy didnt mention anything about us going out and didnt call me again till the following Monday when he came to school. He kept calling me to come to school and when I did the guy didnt mention anything about my birthday or the fact that we were supposed to go out on Saturday. He even attempted to kiss me etc. etc like everything was dandy.

He realized that I wasnt really that into him and started to ask me what's the matter and if im not happy to see him. He eventually said "Oh I know this is because of your birthday"

Every predictable excuse then came out of his mouth:

He was busy, he works all the time

There's no excuse, he's sorry

What can he do to make it up to me?

Can we just wipe the slate clean?

He can be the person I want him to be etc.

 

I then told him there is nothing he can do and expressed to him my displeasure about several aspects of the relationship, I then broke up with him.

The following day and up to five days after the break up he continued to call me and leave begging messages on my cellphone.

I didnt answer his calls or return his messages.

 

Now on the fifth day I had a night class and when I came through the very last exit of the massive classroom at 8:20 pm (20 minutes after my scheduled class ended) he was outside lay-waiting me.

I spoke to him and he apologized to me again and further stated that he's stressed out at work and that the reason he can't take me out as much as he would like is because of all the things he has to take care of with his business and job. We actually have only been on three dates.

 

He went on to say and has said previously that he sees me in his future and as his wife. (I must say that this guy has asked me quite a lot of questions relating to marriage, children etc.

He has expressed displeasure about me telling my parents that he is 28 and not 31 and also telling them that he doesnt have any children as he claimed that they may find out the truth in the future. He also asked me if I would want to live with him.)

 

After he basically bore his soul I said I would give him another chance.

Now although I said that im really hurting.

This guy seems to be more talk than action, I feel bad about him not remembering my birthday and upon being reminded ignored it and didnt think to give me a gift. Most of my friends go out regularly with guy's they are dating or their boyfriends we go out once every month and a half or so. My family cannot stand him they havent met him but from what they have seen none of them are impressed. Its not hard to see why as I am unimpressed myself and often find myself feeling resentful towards him.

I am also a little uneasy about his age and the fact that he has a son. When he calls its mostly short little conversations from his cellphone, when he is in the mood for lengthier ones he calls from the landline in his office.

 

In general im more unhappy than happy in this relationship.

However, I find myself being attached to this guy.

Naive? Maybe.

 

Thanks in advance for all your opinions and advice.

 

P.S. I know its a lengthy read but a detailed explaination more often than not leads to a better understanding.

[Fun2BMe]

I rarely give advice for someone to break up without first giving some ideas on how to improve the situation. But in your situation, I beg you to please dump this insensitive, selfish guy who thinks he can treat you like trash and still keep you around. Please, this is the stage when things are supposed to be super and he is treating you like garbage. Don't fall in love with this loser. The sooner you tell him to stop calling and move on, the better.

 

The worst part is that he knows what he is doing. He knew you were expecting to go out on Saturday yet he leaves you hanging. He is playing way too many games and not even spending any effort on you. Unless you think you are worth as little as he treats you, I think you deserve much better.

[Tony T]

I rarely give advice for someone to break up without first giving some ideas on how to improve the situation. But in your situation, I beg you to please dump this insensitive, selfish guy who thinks he can treat you like trash and still keep you around. Please, this is the stage when things are supposed to be super and he is treating you like garbage. Don't fall in love with this loser. The sooner you tell him to stop calling and move on, the better.

 

The worst part is that he knows what he is doing. He knew you were expecting to go out on Saturday yet he leaves you hanging. He is playing way too many games and not even spending any effort on you. Unless you think you are worth as little as he treats you, I think you deserve much better.

 

Ditto!!! Great advice. Cut your losses. Why did you even start seeing him in the first place when you obviously weren't interested?

[BentSpine]

Everyone does not celebrate their birthday with the same intensity.

 

If you want to do certain things on your birthday then you plan the day, in advance, with your partner. Take the responsibility of your birthday until your partner tells you that they want to surprise you.

[Green]

Your story makes no sense. You went from not likeing this older guy with a kid to going out with him and taking all his crap. I'm guessing you dont think your that attractive, and or you haven't had many boy friends. Its hilariouse how this jerk is asking you to move in with him and saying you might get married, sounds like a real con man. and as for him working 3 different jobs that would be a sign that he's not as well of as he makes you believe its a real slip that he even told you he has three jobs he should just say he's working really hard at one good job that would be more believable, then again maybe he really is just cheap. You need to dump him no matter what he does I dont care if he buys you a car