Altaira Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 I'm having trouble figuring out my friend's intentions. She has asked twice, on different days, for my boyfriend's full name and address under the notion that she is concerned for my well being (my bf and I met online and I had reservations about him at first but I am now in love with him). What's casting doubt and suspicion in my mind is that My friend has seen his photo and thinks he's very goodlooking. All her feedback about him has been consistently negative, even when I had no complaints about him. My friend (in her 40's, and I"m 30) has never been in love and hasn't had a relationship in years. I also get competitiveness from her occassionally, for example when she brings up how gorgeous she was, and that she attracted attention as a blonde, and she also glorifies blondes. I know she talks about me and my bf to another coworker woman who used to belittle me, this woman shows me pics of herself when she was "stunning" and shows me her "gorgeous husband". And the times I seemed happy about him, my friend would have an unhappy facial expression, at the same times she tells me she's happy for me and that he's goodlooking. A mutual friend of mine and this friend defends her saying, "in this day in age we can never be too concerned or cautious" meaning my friend was just concerned. I've asked others and four people believe it's suspicious. I don't know what to think because this friend is a good movie buddy and we have great conversations, but I know I'm FEELING suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Well, first of all, do you KNOW this guy's full name and address? Have you ever met him? Have you ever been to his home? Do you know for sure he isn't married? Does he only contact you certain times of day, or are there certain days of the week he doesn't contact you? Does he call only at certain times and are there times when you aren't allowed to call him? Are you allowed to call his house or do you only have his cell number? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Altaira Posted August 29, 2006 Author Share Posted August 29, 2006 Well, first of all, do you KNOW this guy's full name and address? Have you ever met him? Have you ever been to his home? Do you know for sure he isn't married? Does he only contact you certain times of day, or are there certain days of the week he doesn't contact you? Does he call only at certain times and are there times when you aren't allowed to call him? Are you allowed to call his house or do you only have his cell number? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's not. No. No. He has only a home phone, and yes I can call and leave messages. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Have you explained all that to your friend? Maybe that would put her mind at ease and she'd be more relaxed about your relationship. If she knows all that, then yes, it's possible she's jealous. I doubt she would do anything with his name and address other than Google him or somehow look into his background. Are you thinking she would contact him and try to take him away from you or make trouble of some kind? If you really believe that, then I wouldn't consider the two of you actually friends. If you're suspicious of her motives, that's just a big a red flag for your friendship. One of my friends started dating a guy she met on the street corner at night (he asked for a light for his cigarette)...it was a long time before I and her other friends felt comfortable that he wasn't some kind of wierdo. Maybe that's the issue...how long have you known this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 my bf and I met online and I had reservations about him at first but I am now in love with him This is why. She's just concerned for your safety...That's what good friends do, look out for eachother. And, the part I bolded in your quote is another reason why your friend just wants to know his name, number and address..Just incase. She isn't trying to "steal" him away from you nor is she going to call him just to shoot the breeze...This is just for safety reasons only! How long have you been dating him? And how long did you talk to him online before you actually met him face to face? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Norajane, you sound like her friend with all those questions! Altaira, your "friend" is just JEALOUS OF YOU. I mean, how much more obvious should it be for you to figure it out? If you wonder why, because you have a boyfriend and you're younger than her. Hence the "When I was younger..." comments. She is not your real friend, don't trust her, don't confide in her, and don't give her any information about anything related to your life. Great conversations are cool, but some day you'll discover that you've been 'sleeping with the enemy'. It totally doesn't matter how you met. I met my husband online and moved from Europe with my two kids to the US and he is a great person. I knew my ex-husband for 6.5 years before we started dating. We were good friends. I divorced him right after marrying him. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 Norajane, you sound like her friend with all those questions! True, and I'm NOT jealous, so you see, it makes a difference what her answers are! If she didn't know his full name and address, and she had never met him, never been to his house, could call him certain times on his cell only...he could be married and her friend would have legitimate reasons to be concerned...it's much easier to hide wives and psycho wierdnesses over the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 True, and I'm NOT jealous, so you see, it makes a difference what her answers are! If she didn't know his full name and address, and she had never met him, never been to his house, could call him certain times on his cell only...he could be married and her friend would have legitimate reasons to be concerned...it's much easier to hide wives and psycho wierdnesses over the internet. Oh, I see your point. You were exploring the possibility that her friend actually did have legitimate reasons to be concerned. I thought you were just concerned yourself (not jealous, of course). Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 If a friend of mine asked me the name, address and phone number of someone I'm dating and that either my friend or I had reservations about, I'd assume that her intention is to gather some information about him and that she has more reliable sources than I have. I have asked myself for name and address of someone a friend of mine was seeing, because I would have liked to find out if my friend could trust him (in that period she was worried he might be lying to her about some parts of his life). Yet, again... this is a nasty thought, but some girls' idea idea of "helping a friend and see if her new bf is someone who can be trusted" is contacting him, pretending you are a stranger and setting him up *without* asking their friend's premission to do so. I'v seen it happen (not to me, luckily, because I'd react extremely badly) - my guess is that these ladies get an ego boost, feed their jealousy and get some free thrill while telling themselves they are doing it for a friend's sake. I'm not saying that I think your friend would do anything like this -I've never seen her or talked to her. But some people are capable of doing this kind of things. Also, you are feeling suspicious of her, or you get the idea that she is jealous/competitive, I advise you against forcing yourself to consider her a friend. Since I started to acknowledge my gut feelings about some people I know, I feel much more relaxed and happy with myself. She is a good movie buddy and someone with whom you enjoy talking, which is quite alot, enough to want her in your life. But it's very okay not to automatically consider her a friend expecially if something does not feel right. Link to post Share on other sites
rina_r Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 A friend is asking for b/f's name and address? What is she? A private investigator? Even my mother did not have this info on the men I dated. Jeez... Link to post Share on other sites
jenniferlm Posted August 29, 2006 Share Posted August 29, 2006 If you are concerned about her, give the guy's name and number to someone else, and tell her the next time she brings it up that you've done so. Should get her off your back Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts