Can anyone ever stay friends with their ex-es ?

[littlepinkgirl]

My question is ... has anyone stayed friends with their ex-es ? And whether its a good idea to be with someone who is constantly meeting up with their ex-es ? Most often, will they cause friction in relationships ?

 

My boyfriend has been contact with his ex, whom he was with for 5 years. They broke up a year ago. Just recently, he has been spending his time with her. He spends more time with her than me. In fact, he goes to see her every day for the past month. She was in a car accident and she couldnt walk.

 

He visits her everyday and calls her everyday before he goes to see her and after he comes back from her house. Although I have to trust my boyfriend, is there a chance he still loves her and want her back ? He told me, he piggy-back and carries her to the bathroom and bedroom.

 

I am concern that he might leave me and go back to her. What do you guys think ? Has anyone experience problems with their partner's ex-es before or has anyone had a good relationship with their partner despite them being close to their ex-es ?

 

Thanks.

[Violet87]

Most people can't and sometimes shouldn't be friends with an ex too soon after the break-up. It holds them back and only keeps them from moving on.

 

In your case, you have every right to be suspicious of your bf hanging around with his ex that often. For him to spend more time with her than with you should not be acceptable. Then for him to tell you all the stuff he does for her such as piggy-backs, etc. It's very likely he still has some feelings for her and he isn't doing you a favor by spending all that time with her like that.

 

I think you should confront him on it. Right now, it seems like he's putting you second to his ex and that shouldn't be tolerated. If he continues his actions towards her, I would consider ending things with him.

[Green]

Jerry Seinfeld always stayed friends with his ex-girl friend Elaine, and look how he always ended up sabotaging his relationships! I sure hope you don’t have man hands…

[HopefulOne]

I stayed friends with two of my ex's and currently am still friends with them, though you have to give it time and both parties need to heal before that can happen, they are both married now and we all get along, however we never ever spend time by ourselves and we don't make a habit of calling each other, maybe once every six months.

 

I don't even know what to say to about this, I feel bad for his ex, however he has moved on and I am sure she most likely has a great support system and his being there all the time sends mixed messages and he is treating you badly. Do you ever go with him, does he ever ask you to go with him?

[climbergirl]

Yes they can. I'm friends with most of my ex's--a huge component in my relationships was that we are friends as well as lovers. The 'lovers' part didn't take, but the friendship part lingered.

 

In fact, this past weekend I was at my fathers wedding reception and my ex-husband, ex-fiance, best guy friend and the guy I was dating all were sitting at the same table. No fists were flying and no jealousy.

 

Accept that his past was his past and move on from this-unless he is putting their interest above yours.

[littlepinkgirl]

Actually I did ask whether there was anything I can help with. But he says nope. It's his ex, so its his responsibility. I mean, he is a sweet guy. He just says that I should feel lucky to have such a helpful guy for my boyfriend.

 

Can't help being a little suspicious. Whenever she calls, he jumps up and walks somewhere else. Maybe just doesn't want to annoy me. I dunno.

 

Ex-es can only be friends if they dont have too much contact ? Or if they keep their distance ? Mine is like every month and now, its everyday. I can't beat 5 years with her and just 4 months being with me.

[Guest]

i definitely think there is reason for you to be concerned with your boyfriend spending more time with his ex than you..yes she may be injured, but is there no one else to help her other than him..if he is running into the other room to talk on the phone to her, then he is probably hiding something from you..i think you should talk with him and see if you can go with him to see this ex..if not then you might need to think about leaving him

[Violet87]

Actually I did ask whether there was anything I can help with. But he says nope. It's his ex, so its his responsibility. I mean, he is a sweet guy. He just says that I should feel lucky to have such a helpful guy for my boyfriend.

 

Can't help being a little suspicious. Whenever she calls, he jumps up and walks somewhere else. Maybe just doesn't want to annoy me. I dunno.

 

Why does he think his ex is his responsibilty. Is there no one else to assist her during this time? Once the two broke up, he no longer had any obligation to her.

 

Yeah, I understand being friendly, civil, and on good terms but I definitely think there are some red flags here. I understand him wanting to help (to an extent), but it shouldn't be to the point where he's spending more time with her than with you and not wanting to include you in on their conversation. I would definitely sit and ask him where his feelings stand with the ex and even ask to come with him to visit her one day (so you can see how friendly the two are for yourself). If he continues on, then I think you should consider leaving him.

[ejc317]

I just posted here

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=883677#post883677

 

and I can tell you for a fact that after we break up - NO ONE can be friends with their ex without some part of them wanting their ex back.

 

At this point I either cut my ex off completely because I have no respect for her or do something stupid and hang around waiting for more hurt (seeing her with other guys etc)

[littlepinkgirl]

Ok. So I had a talk with him. He confessed to me that his ex asked whether THEY could be together again. Apparently she still has feelings for him. He had told her that they can't be together again. And he is happy with me. And she accepted that. He didn't tell me before because he was afraid I would get upset. When I asked him, he was hesitate to tell me this truth. Whish again is suspicious.

 

Ok. So this girl still has feelings for him. Does HE still have feelings for her ?

The thing is ... she didn't ask him to go take care of her. He told me that HE wanted to go take care of her. And I know one thing for sure about my boyfriend is that no one, not even his mother can make him decide or do something after he has made a choice. So, she has feelings for him, and he decides to go take care of her. Why couldn't he go once a week or every other day ? Because he said he told her he would take care of her and see her everyday until she can walk properly. But why make the decision to o see her everyday when he doesn't want to see me everyday ? Because he says, absence makes the heart grows fonder. I dont't know what to think or say.

 

This is all weird. He could have avoided her altogether. But no. He insists on seeing her everyday. I am getting upset and it may affect our relationship. And I don't want to leave him. Is there any other option ?

[Lostgurl]

What if the ex and your bf were together for 8 years and your bf screwed around with her in the beginning of the relationship? Is that cause for concern and there should be any contact between them?

[AwkwardMan]

He's with you, it's pretty unlikely he wants her when it's clear he can just take it without likely repercussions. Hopefully she recovers soon and he spends more time with you, best of luck.

[j.carsey]

I also have stayed friends with my exes. Again, reason is these women were already my friends (as I don't tend to date strangers) and the "still friends" feeling is mutual, since we even have the odd communication here and there.

[bab]

I can't beat 5 years with her and just 4 months being with me.

 

 

Don't sell yourself short. I know what you are feeling. When I first started dating my H, he had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship. He and I met at an intern program. At the end of the program, which was about 4 months, we both went back to our respective colleges in different states. His ex-gf was at his college. It is a small residental college, so I knew they were seeing each other often. I was petrified he'd change his mind and leave me. I know that they went to dinner together a few times as friends because he told me about it. I did trust him, but doubted my short 4 months just like yourself. But, he just wanted to remain friends with her. He never went back to her. If it's right, even with just your 4 months together, he will know.

 

Give him the trust and have confidence in your relationship. He's being honest with you, and that is a good sign.

[Sally00]

I'm still good friends with my ex.

My boyfriend knows that and doesn't have a problem.

He said he's secure enough in our relationship.

He trusts me.

 

Well my ex is now thousands of miles away.

Darn. But oh well, we still keep in contact through AIM & Facebook.

 

My boyfriend's ex appeared on his driveway outta nowhere one night.

And I called him literally 3 seconds before that happened...

Well, apparently he's going to see if she wants to be just friends or to date him.

He asked if it was okay he could be friends with her... to see how I felt.

I said it's alright...that I trust him. Afterall, I was still friends with MY ex.

I had to ask him what he would do if she wanted to date him again.

He said he wouldn't date her because he is with someone who he really cares about. Aww.

 

How long have you two been together and known each other?

Maybe that's part of the reason you're unable to trust him yet?

 

If you feel uncomfortable, maybe you should bring it up.

Communication is important.

[lovelorcet]

I'm still good friends with my ex.

My boyfriend knows that and doesn't have a problem.

He said he's secure enough in our relationship.

He trusts me.

 

 

But you never had a sexual relationship with an ex and yes it does make a difference.

[littlepinkgirl]

But she still has feelings for my boyfriend and he wasn't truthful about it and when I asked him whether he would reconsider going back to her, all he says is he can't. He didn't say he doesn't want to or because he have me now or that I was great or better girlfriend. He just says he can't.

 

I think I am having anxiety attack. Seems like he's more and more happy these days. Why didn't he just tell me she still had feelings for him ?

 

I do admit I feel a little insecure. He told me that she has the capability influencing guys dumping their girlfriends for her. Although, she doesn't do intentionaly. She just has that charm. And I found out from his friends that she was a real looker and sexy girlfriend he ever had. OK. So she's nice, gorgeous, smart, sexy and a charmer. I cant help thinking that she is seducing him when he is there. That doesn't help.

[Guest]

Your boyfriend needs to make a decision...does her want to be with her or with you? He needs to realize that you are stuck in the middle and you can't keep waiting for him while he tends to his ex. You need to keep your distance from him for a while and let him decide what he wants. Obviously he still cares about his ex but it doesn't seem like he is over her. I have remained friends with my ex boyfriend although I am now in a wonderful relationship.

 

Although my ex and I are friends, it is NOT my reponsibility to take care of him emotionally, physically or financially. We do not talk everyday or confide in eachother because that is what my partner is for.

We talk on-line once every 3-4 months maybe. To be honest, it took years for my ex and I to become friends. We needed a lot of time to heal and move on with our lives. If your boyfriend feels like it is his responsibility to take care of her...he is not over her. I hope everything works out the way you want it to but what he is doing is not fair to you.