joanie123 Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Well, my situation is very complicated. I was married to an emotionally abusive husband, and we divorced several years ago. We have a 6 year old daughter so we have constant contact. We have gone through some terrible times, back and forth to court. But, we have also tried to get back together, but it seems the same issues come back. Lately, he has been trying to get back together, saying he will go to therapy if I would agree to try to see him again. I still have strong feelings for him, and want more than anything for us to be a family. But I am scared the same problems will arise, and I certainly couldn't put my daughter through that. Should I take the chance or run? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Tell him to go to therapy first, and then you will consider seeing him after he's completed therapy. Don't go back to someone who's been emotionally abusive in the past without being entirely sure they've changed. Otherwise, you may find yourself trapped in the same cycle you went through before, and getting away will most likely be just as painful as the first time. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Good advice Guest. I second that. He's had time where he could've been seeing a therapist since the divorce, yet hasn't. I'd be wary that this was another ploy. Especially since you described him as emotionally abusive. Men like that will be nice and willing to do nearly anything, until they believe they've got you back under their thumb. He's going to need to do more than go to therapy a couple times in order to really change. If he's serious about this, then it would be better for him to concentrate on himself while going through therapy. Without the additional temptation of falling back into that old role he used to play in your life. Without a full blown relationship, or even attempting to date you, it would allow him to concentrate fully on working on himself. It won't be easy in therapy, and I think he is underestimating the emotional/mental investment he's going to have to make in order for it to actually work. And he should be devoting his energy into getting that help for the sake of his daughter... irregardless of if the two of you got back together or not. Seems like his only motivation for saying that was to lure you back in. For both your sakes. You two are better off not dating right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author joanie123 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 Thanks for the advice. I have told him several times I wanted him to go th therapy, and yet he hassn't done it. And, I also think that he thinks I am just overexaggerating the circumstances. I don't think he truly believes he was abusive, just willing to go along with it to get me back. It is so hard though, because I really do love him, and so want a family. But, I guess if he doesn't start therapy that is my proof that it is just another ploy to get me back. Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
rina_r Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Do not do that! I had an abusive ex-husband , and now work for Domestic Violence Intervention Center, and I'll tell you - majority of such people do not change, counseling or not. There are many goo men, and you deserve better! Link to post Share on other sites
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